Seven Years
by DearFictionalCharacter
Summary: Engaged at 18 was hardly where Bella saw her life heading. But nearly seven years later, she finds herself a week away from her wedding when her maid of honor's brother happens to roll into town. He's got a celebration of his on. A love triangle with four people, might end up ruining the best thing that ever happened too her. ON HIATUS
1. Back to the Sunroom

**Chapter 1**

**Back to the Sunroom**

"Oh Bella!" my maid of honor and best friend squeals over the phone. "I'm so excited for the shower. You're going to love it."

"Calm done Alice, you might send Rosalie into premature labor with all the shouting." I laugh, and take another sip of my steamy, black coffee.

Sitting in my comfortable two bedroom apartment on the plush side of Seattle, I enjoy my last few days of freedom with a round of bitter java and a high calorie pastry.

This time a week from now I'll be bound into my breathtaking (literally) wedding dress, getting ready to walk down the aisle in the grandest church within the state lines, to meet the most amazing man my presence had ever been graced by in my twenty five years.

"Oh, calm down she's only seven months." I could practically hear her eyes rolling.

"What if her amniotic fluid stains my dress!" I cry in mock horror while getting up, putting my now empty cup in the sink.

I stand in the sun taking in the rare light that gleams through the window.

"So what time am I expected at this shindig?" I question, thowing my newspaper into the iron cast basket that houses a years worth of _Seattle Times _prints, each with my name highlighted in bold, black ink on the cover.

"Soirée Bella, for the hundredth time, it's a soirée. Not a party, not a shindig, a soirée." She practically hisses.

"Ouch! Okay, whatever you say little Mrs. Bitch." I wonder into my room only to be met with the god awful dress my mother had bought me for the shower, hanging on the mirror. The pink lace screams out at me as if it has just seen an ax murder standing behind me.

"Don't get snippy with me missy; be here at twelve sharp, if you're a minute late we're making this a baby shower for Rosalie." Her threats were futile, she knows I'd much rather be celebrating the conception of a Cullen baby than my silly little- three hundred and fifty guest- wedding.

"Oh, that's perfect; I'll be there at twelve thirty with the onesie I bought. Change all the decorations and get some clothes pins! I'm so excited Alice." I bite my lip in an attempt to keep the giggles from erupting. It was so easy to get Alice all roared up.

Jasper, Alice's husband of two years, will have my tail for this one. When someone got Alice in a bad mood, Jasper was usually the one to take the brunt of the yelling. That poor man.

"Twelve o'clock Bella!" She yells and I end the conversation with the press of a button.

"Ugh!" I exasperat, falling onto my yellow bed spread with a muted _thud_.

In a week I was going to be Mrs. Michael Newton, how could life get any better? I hug my knees close to my chest. I could still remember the very day that I had first laid eyes on my husband-to-be.

It was a cool, crisp October morning much like this one. The sun shone brightly and the wind whirled the leaves in circles, causing small colorful tornados to wisp through the campus grounds.

I had just gotten back from my shift at the school's newspaper, as editor I was up to the wee hours of the night correcting loose grammar, and dotting the I's (who doesn't dot their I's!) in Jessica Stanley's article; _The Pros and Cons of oil based beauty products._

I was hopping to make it to the one an only coffee stand on campus, before the line grew into a mosh pit, or they ran out of my favorite Brazilian black coffee- with a teaspoon of sugar. I could see the bright yellow stripes that lined the stand just up ahead. No line!

Under my feet a crunching sound came every time my worn moccasins made contact with the cement covered in leaves. Before I could even react, my foot got caught on a bike rack, my books flew everywhere, my arms flailed in the air hoping to protect my face from the rough impact.

But I soon realized that the hard contact I was waiting to meet my hands did not come, instead I was cradled in two soft and tender arms.

"Are you okay?" I looked up at my savior.

As soon as our eyes met, I was lost in a sea of vast blue. The sun reflected off his golden hair sending a wave of light straight onto my face. He was my guardian angel.

His voice was so calming that my tensed muscles immediately relaxed, and I awkwardly nodded my head as he helped me up.

We stood in silence for what seemed like the most uncomfortable two minutes of my life, until he pulled out his wallet and gestured to the coffee stand.

I smiled at his handsome face, and the rest is history.

Now here we were, nearly five years later, me a twenty five year old editor for the Seattle Times, about to get married. Mike has gone onto get this law degree at Harvard, and now has successfully started his own firm.

He is still the same blond hair, blue eyed boy I'd met my sophomore year in college, and he continues to change my life one little step at a time. Mike is my most cherished accomplishment in life, including the shiny gold 'Isabella Swan – Chief Editor' plaque sitting on my mahogany desk somewhere uptown.

My phone buzzes against the wood of my bedside table. I already know a message from Alice will be waiting as soon as I hit 'read'. Her predictability is just one of the many things I love about her.

**From: the bitch**

_**Bella! Twelve!**_

_**Seven Day!**_

Alice has been counting down the days till my wedding since I announced the date six months ago. It seems that everyone is always just a bit more excited then I was about the "best day of my life".

An hour later I stand in front of my mirror. I opt out of the hideous pink, polka dotted sundress. I swear my mother thought I was perpetually fifteen. In fact I think it was almost identical to the dress I wore to my school's annual summer picnic the year I turned sixteen.

I chose instead a yellow sundress that I had brought back from the trip Mike and I took to Italy last summer. I wasn't thinking rationally about the contrasting weather differences from Florence to Seattle at the time, which resulted in a two hundred dollar dress that was never going to get worn. But today must be my lucky day. I'll need all the luck I can get, especially since I'm wearing heels.

I grab my brown cardigan and head for the door.

I could make the drive to Alice's parent's quaint seven bedroom home with my eyes closed. Esme and Carlisle had practically raised me, that is when Charlie wasn't… _raising me. _

My father did the best he could as a single parent to a young girl. But the older I got, the more difficult it became to talk to him about teenage stuff i.e.: menstrual cycles, boys, bras, sex. So when my father failed to say anything other then… "Don't have sex, you'll get pregnant and…die", I turned to the closest thing I had to a mother in Fork, Washington. Esme Cullen.

Of course my best friend always came first on that list of 'in examples'. There was nothing Alice and I couldn't find to talk about with each other growing up. But as grew so did our differences and soon high school was upon us. We fell apart like many childhood friendships do.

She was the popular head cheerleader, who dated all the jocks, and wanted to go to design school to study fashion, while I was the shy valedictorian with a 4.0 and a full ride to Yale. We would still exchange a word or two with each other, plastering those fake smiles on our faces when we bumped into each other in the cafeteria, but the special intricate web of secrets and stories we had formed as kids had been severed.

Once college was done, I encouraged Mike to come back with me to Washington. And who do you think was the first person I officially bumped into once I came home to little old Forks? Alice Cullen, with a rock the size of Montana on her ring finger and a cute blonde on her arm.

Since her marriage, Alice and I have become closer then ever. With my engagement, we found ourselves talking about colors to paint the bathroom, and the advantages between private and public schooling.

Now with Rosalie pregnant, we all had pegged her as the first one to get knocked up, we could all sit and talk for hours about the pitter patter of tiny feet running around the house. I remember when Mike told me honestly one late night that he wanted six kids. I couldn't stop laughing for a good half an hour, telling him that if would carry two of them then I was game to give him four.

I pull up the long gravel driveway to the Cullen house. Till this day I can't drive up to this house without marveling at the beauty of it. The glass that frames the right wall glistened in the rays of sun that hit off the panes. The cherry blossom's braches sway in the light breeze sending a heavenly floral aroma into my nostrils. It brings back strong memories of Alice and me playing on the rope swing that still swings back and forth, propelled by the wind.

The cool air runs it's fingers through my wavy hair. Once again lady luck is on my side today, due to impeccable weather I am allowed the first official use of my new convertible. Hardly a 'reasonable' wedding present, but Mike loves to splurge, especially on me.

My beautiful new black, 911 Porsche, comed to a gentle stop in front of the Cullen's front door.

"Bella!" An exquisite older looking woman comes barreling out the door. Behind her, safely tucked away from the high levels of estrogen, is a blonde haired man with sharp facial features and a soft smile.

"Esme, are you holding Carlisle hostage?" I ask, laughing lightly as I climb from my Italian death trap, also known was my wedding present, to wrap my arms around her slender waist.

"Oh Bella, you look gorgeous, is this Italian?" She asks grabbing a handful of my cotton dress.

"Hello Bella dear," Carlisle creeps his way out of the shadows. His eyes glaze over with amazement at the black beauty that remains parked in front of his house. He lets out a low whistle, "nice car."

"You like?" I raise an eyebrow at his childlike expression.

"Are you kidding, this is the newest Porsche on the market, I was looking at them over in Europe just last month, there's no way these are even available in the states yet." He gawks at me like I'm some kind of black, diamond smuggler importing foreign cars to the US.

"It's my wedding present from Mike; he has some pull over in the Italian markets." I smile. "You wanna take her for a test drive?" I grin wickedly at him dangling the keys in front of my face.

His face lits up like a child who has just laid eyes on a fully stocked Christmas tree. "Really, are you sure?"

But he was already snatching the keys right out of my hand.

"Where do you think your going mister? We have a party to host." Esme steps in front of me, her hand hoisted on her hip; I could only imagine the stern look on her face.

"Well, it's just…um…I don't think…I'll just be in..." He slowly proceeds towards the door of the driver's seat, while still mumbling. "…so I could just…if it's okay…I'll be back."

By the time he mutters the last words he has already made himself comfortable in the black leather seat. He looks up at his wife with pleading eyes.

"Please babe, I'll make it up to you." He wails like a two year old who holds a death grip on a stripped lollipop in a candy shop.

"Don't make it up to me; just explain to Bella why you won't be at her bridal shower." She crosses her arms and steps away to reveal me smiling like a loon at the two.

"What the hell Carlisle, you only live once right, take her for a spin." I give him the thumbs up, but he is already looping around the driveway before I can say 'have fun'.

I turn to Esme Cullen now to get a good look at the women who practically raised me.

She was a sophisticated woman in her mid fifties, with peppering caramel colored hair. Her hazel eyes look excited but underneath the excitement is a look of exhaustion. Her face sags a little more then usual, although it isn't from her age. The small creases in her forehead tell a story of stress and worry.

I wrap my arms are her waist and give her a good squeeze. I could feel the tension fade away as she wraps her arms around my back. I lay my head down on her shoulder and take a deep breath.

As always she still smells of Channel No. 5, along with a hint of polo. She and Carlisle must still be madly in love, especially with the house to themselves now.

She slowly strokes my hair with a gentleness that could only be described as a mother's touch.

"How are you dear?" her voice mimics her actions.

"Oh I'm ecstatic Esme. How can I ever thank you for letting us have the shower here."

"No need for thanks, it was my plan from the very beginning to throw your shower here." I wince at the words that she whispers into my ear.

"Now how have you been?" I pull out of her embrace to look at her.

"Well…" She was on the verge of a breakthrough when the front door flies open.

"Bella! You made it, and on time I might add." Alice practically bounces down the stairs looking like a small fairy in her light purple sundress synched at the waist.

"I know, it is possible for me to get somewhere on time without you holding my hand." I grab Alice and pull her into a hug, still laughing. "Thanks Ali, this means a lot that you're throwing this party for me."

She pushes me back a bit to stare at my face. "Yeah, well get used to it; because once you and Mike get married we are going to become Tupperware party hosts every other Sunday."

I grin warmly at her, "What Ali, is Jasper getting to _friendly_ since he got home."

Jasper was an air force pilot, he's been on leave for only about a month now and sometimes I think that Alice prefers him gone.

"Gah! Don't even get me started." She grabs me by the elbow and starts dragging me into the house. I could hear Esme's light chuckle following us up the stairs. "He's like all over me all the time. Yesterday he almost dragged me into a Starbuck's bathroom! Did you hear me? A Starbuck's bathroom, who does he think I am, some cheap floozy who will open her legs anywhere?"

I can't help the hysterical string of laughter that escapes my lips as she finishes her story. "He thinks you're his ever-so-ready-to-please-him wife. So what did you do?" I raise an eyebrow at her, thinking about all the jokes I could come up with to embarrass Jasper next time I see him.

"I did want any I-don't- know-who-you-think-you-are-this-isn't-a-porn-movie wife would do." She stares at me as if I'm supposed to know what she is referring to.

"Oh come on Bella, you're about to be wife too, you have to know this stuff!"

I just shrug and start to help Esme fill up the veggie trays. "I'll guess you will have to just fill me in." I try to suppress another goofy smile.

"Well I slapped him, then kissed him to soften the blow, took his wallet and ordered an iced green tea. I thought it was obvious." Her eyes pop out at me as if I was the dumbest person to past her eyes in a long time.

"Wait, it was the afternoon?"

"Ah, yeah!" She says in a 'duh' kind of voice.

"Oh! Well why didn't you say so? I totally know what you're talking about." Esme laughs out loud behind me and I finish adding her famous sour cream and lemon dip to the platter. Alice mutters to herself, giving me the stink eye, as she goes to hang the last of the decorations.

About an hour later the guests start to arrive. First to arrive is Rose, with her swollen stomach and powder, pink dress that flows in all the right places. Emmett, her oversized teddy bear of a husband insists on walking her to the door. She yells and curses when he tries to support her back walking up the stairs, claiming, "I'm only seven months pregnant Emmett! What the hell do you think I'm some kind of old women! No? Then stop holding my back you big ogre!"

"She's a tad moody today." He stands awkwardly in the doorway having some kind of internal battle as he stares at his wife. "I guess I'll be going."

"We'll watch over her Emmett, girl scouts honor" I put my hand over my heart.

"Okay Bella, I'm holding you to that. Hey, Jasper and I wanted to know if you wanted to go to a Mariner's game on Wednesday. You know, kinda like our bachelor party for you." He starts lacing his fingers into knots, nervously awaiting my answer.

I've known Emmett almost as long as I've known Alice; he is Alice's older brother, but he became somewhat of a brother to me as well. Even if we were never as close as Alice and I had been, he was always there to pick me up when I fell off my bike, paint the ding in my dad's car when I backed up into his mom's mailbox, and punch that douche bag that tried to hookup with me in the back of his Chevy sophomore year at the winter formal, in the face.

Over the years we've just picked up our friendship where we left it when I headed off for the East coast, and he went to get his engineering degree. Now we have Jasper to add into the equation and it equals for great Saturday night poker and Sunday football.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." My grin reaches ear to ear.

"Cool, I'll pick you up at noon!" He practically skips down the stairs, the estrogen levels that radiate off this place must be sending every guy within a mile to the nearest gym/bar.

In the end, twenty-five of my closest friends and family fill the Cullen home. My mom wants to know what happened to the dress she sent. My old college roommates want to see the 'rock' that Mike got me. Alice keeps insisting we play a game, and Rose won't stop eating the celery off Esme's good china platters. Overall I say it is a huge success.

"Okay everyone; it's time for famous couples!" Alice squeals and places a giant stack of cards on the coffee table in the middle of the Cullen's large sunroom. Everyone crowds around trying to find a seat.

"Bella, you go first."

I rise from my seat and pick the first card off the top. _Romeo and Juliet, _typical.

"Okay…hmm…their famous in literature. Forbidden love…" I trail off as I heard the front door slam shut. Who could that be?

I scan my eyes around the room to see if anyone had left, but find everyone accounted for. I try to think of other pointless clues.

"Ends in death…."

"Edward" Alice whispers. I looked down at the card trying to decide if she means Edward and Elinor from _Sense and Sensibility._

But now everyone is gawking at something located behind me. I slowly turn my head to look over my shoulder, just to catch a glimpse of bronze hair and green eyes.

"Guess what everyone I'm getting….." His voice rang loudly in my ear as I rotate my body to face to open doors. It was still smooth and silky like satin.

My eyes glaze over to a time far back in my past, a time that I had all but erased from my memories…until now that is.

_Seven years ago…_

_I wipe my sweaty palms against the rough denim of my jeans one last time as I take a deep breath. I round the corner of the Cullen's main hallway. The French doors leading into the sunroom were open and I can see Edward's bronze unruly hair bobbing up and down as he walks around. _

'_You can do this Bella,' I tell myself as I walk into the bright room. _

_Even on a rainy, dreary day like this one, where the rain streaks down the window, the room is as bright as if the sun itself was shining outside. _

"_Edward," I whisper softly, my throat is dry and hoarse. _

_I try to clear it as he catches sight of me. This was going to be harder then I originally thought. _

"_Oh, hay babe, so I was thinking, do you want to make a stop in Florence while we're in Italy?" He was still pacing around the room which I now notice is filled with dozens of brown cardboard boxes of every size, each with its own individual label. _

"_Edward?" I try again. _

"_Cause I know how much you wanted to go to that one building…oh what is it called?"_

"_Edward?" I speak louder. _

"_Duno…no that's not it…."_

"_Edward?" Louder. _

"_Oh…it was Duomo!" _

"_Edward!" I yell and it seems that even the pattering of the rain against the windows has stopped. _

"_What, you want to go their first? We have our whole year long honeymoon, we can go back." He is now standing still looking at me. "What's wrong Bella?"_

_It's almost impossible to fight back the tears that came suddenly, daring to spill over the edge. _

"_Edward," it is a whisper again, "I'm leaving." I stare at him waiting for my words to sink in, but they never do. _

"_What did I say? You don't have to leave I mean I thought you could help me pack. We don't have to talk about the trip; I just thought you might want to have a little insight to where we were going to be spending the next year of our lives. My mistake." He went back to his work as if what I just said didn't mean anything. _

_But then it hit me like a sac of bricks. OH! He doesn't understand, and is now mad at me. It makes my blood boil. _

"_I don't think you understand. I'm not going." _

"_Fine then stay and help me pack, I don't really care what you do Bella." He keeps his back turned to me, focusing on something in the small box in front of him._

_I want to rip his head off and force him to look at me. _

"_Good, I guess that will make this a lot easier. Edward, I'm done. I just can't do this anymore." _

_That got his attention; he turns slowly to look at me, almost as if what was behind him would lead to his ultimate demise. _

"_What are you trying to say?" His mouth hangs open and his breaths are becoming sallow. _

"_I'm eighteen Edward; we're both just so young. I…I want to go to college." Now that he is actually looking at me I wish he wasn't. _

"_And you can, we discussed this Bella. I put my band on hold and you would put your college off till next year. We'll get married and everything will be so much better. Don't worry about it baby." He's the one wiping the sweat off on his jeans now. _

"_I got a letter in the mail today," he raises an eyebrow at me, "it was from the Yale Administration's Board, I got a full scholarship. It's only good if I started this fall. They want me there next week for orientation." My voice is back to only a whisper. _

_If I thought that the room had been quiet before, this is dead silence. _

"_Edward, I told them yes, and I think that you should get a choice to say yes too. So I'm giving you an out, or perhaps I'm giving myself an out." I look everywhere but at him. _

"_So you're leaving me to go to...Yale? Tell me you're not fucking serious." His voice was tight; the air's so tense you could cut it with a knife. _

"_I'm so sorry Edward. I just realized that I'll never be the nonconformist kind of women that you need." The tears finally tip over the brim of my lids and won't stop. _

_I slowly slide the diamond ring off my finger and take a step towards the center table. As I set down the ring, his large hand wraps tightly around my wrist, keeping me trapped next to him. I somehow muster up the courage to look at him. His eyes pierce into mine. _

"_Please don't do this Isabella. Let's talk; I'm sure we can work this out." This was him in a light I'd never seen before. Desperation lay before me and I can't even find the pity inside me anymore to let him have his way. _

_I grab the wrist of his hand, which is holding mine and pull it up to my heart. I slowly uncurl his fingers and place the ring in it, wrapping them back around the precious piece of warped metal. I lean up and lightly kissed my fiancé's face. _

_I step away and no longer belong to Edward Cullen. I turn and walk to the open doors once again. The real world waits for me outside, and somehow I know that the freedom I had just gained can only end in missing him. _

"_I'm sorry." It was the last words I ever spoken to him. _

Now seven year's later I am staring at the same boy, in the same room where I gave up our wedding, and now am celebrating my current wedding.

The Champaign flute in my hand tumbles to the ground, but I don't hear it hit the floor. His eyes pierce into mine just like they did almost this exact day nearly a decade ago.

"Esme," I whisper.

She's at my side in a minute asking if I'm okay. She doesn't even bother to acknowledge her son or the hand he is…._holding_?

"I think you should call Carlisle home now."

Then I faint.

* * *

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**~FP**


	2. Drunken Dances

**Chapter 2**

**Drunken Dances**

"Bella!" My mom shouted somewhere off into the distance.

Everything sounded so far away, almost as if I was on the bottom of a pool listening to the light chatter of the people above.

"Mom, call dad!" This was Alice's voice, just as urgent as my mother's, but she sounded closer.

The room seemed to have broken out into chaos, I could hear the clacking of twenty five pair's over heels rushing around Esme's sunroom. A hushed panic had spread through the space and several women muttered worried curses under their breath.

"Where's the fire?" The familiar voice eased the tension growing in my head, but I couldn't seem to find my eyes.

"Has she taken her supplements yet today?" Carlisle soft voice came as a sigh of relief to me, compared to the useless shouts of my friends.

"I'm not sure," Alice answered this time.

"Bella, can you hear me? Honey open your eyes for me." As if on demand I was able to place exactly where the function in my eyelids had gone, and they fluttered open.

A sigh of relief came from him, hunched over my face. "That's my girl. Where's your meds darling?" Carlisle held my head gently in his hand propping for tender spots.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I tried again and this time managed a single symbol, "bag."

"I'll get it!" Alice wailed, tears streaming down her face.

"How many fingers am I holding up Bella?"

His finger where placed directly in front of my face, but I couldn't concentrate on them. Not when from around the mob of disoriented women, came that same flash of bronze. My eyes snapped shut again and I felt desperately for Carlisle's hand.

"Bella!" This time he spoke my name in alarm.

"It's…." Esme's voice shook and the room became quiet.

"I see," his voice sounding gravelly, and almost …_angry_?

"I found them!" Alice's shrill voice reentered the room.

"Esme, would you fetch me a glass of water? I'm going to take Bella upstairs to lie down." He spoke to his wife with such serenity that it sent a chill down my spine, compared to his harsh tone before this one frightened me even more.

"Alice would you calm everyone down, maybe some coffee?" Esme suggested to her daughter in a tense question.

It seemed that I could only cause stress and worry to this family.

Carlisle bent over, supporting my back and placing his hands underneath my knees. Even for middle aged, he was the strongest person I knew-besides Emmett of course. That home guy really seemed to come in handy in times like these.

"I can get her?" A sharp pain stabbed through my heart at the sound of his voice.

I could only pray that Carlisle would tell him to f-off and find his own anemic girl to carry. Just thinking about feeling his flesh on my own sent a spasm through my entire body, and I clung to Carlisle's neck letting my nails dig into his soft skin.

"Its okay honey," he rubbed my back and started the short walk to the main staircase.

He paused only for a moment to shift his weight and stare back at the open French doors that I could still see in my mind as I walked out of them some seven year ago, leaving a confused and damaged boy behind.

"Maybe you and your…_friend_ should wait outside. I'd like to have a word with you." His acid words made me wince and I squeezed my eyes shut pretending he was only talking to Emmett or even Alice, instead of the person I actually knew stood in front of us.

The farther we got from the sunroom the more my grip loosened on his shirt and the more my body started to shake.

Carlisle sat down on a bed somewhere within the house, slowly stroking my back and whispering comforting shh's in my ear. He made no indications as to moving me off his lap.

Finally he broke the delicately placed layer of silence, "Have you taken your medicine today love?"

Ever since I was a little girl I loved hearing him call me love. It brought out his carefully disguised British accent that was rarely heard, except by maybe by Esme. It sounds strange, but sometimes I would wish he was the one reading me _Milk and Cookies,_ instead of Charlie.

Not that I didn't love Charlie more then life it's self, and Renee too, but there was just something about the Cullen's that comforted me. I believe that was the very reason that I started dating _Edward._ He was the best of both Esme and Carlisle, and in the same way that brought out the worst in him.

I shuttered just thinking about his name, and the real world came crashing back down on me. I tried to remember what Carlisle had been muttering about…medication? Ah that was it.

"I…I don't remember. I don't think so, I usually take it in morning but I guess I forgot."

"So what _are_ you taking these days?" He face turned to concern as Esme, who had followed us upstairs, handed him over each bottle of my prescription medicine.

His nose scrunched up as he read aloud each label, "Doxepin, Esoneprazole, Escitalopram Oxalate? Since when did you start taking Lexapro?" Holding the last bottle in his hand he examined the label thoroughly.

I grabbed the iron supplement bottle out of Esme's extended hand and popped two of the small liquid capsules into my mouth. I accepted the cool water; it eased the aching in the back of my throat, but only a bit.

Anemia was only the beginning of my long line of heath problems. That along with a stomach ulcer that never seemed to completely heal before flaring back up in full force, insomnia that left me just on the brink of sleep but not enough to let me drift more then two hours a night, and most recently my struggles with anxiety was back for the first time in five years.

From a doctor's point of view Carlisle glared disapprovingly at each prescription bottle as I gulped down pill after pill.

"Oh Bella, I should have said something! He'd called earlier saying he would be coming home with a surprise, but I told him not till after five. I would never have told him to come if I could have predicted he would ruin your shower." Esme spilled out her confession; face in hands, sounding like she had forgot to order my wedding cake.

"You knew he was coming home!" Carlisle placed me in the center of the bed before standing up to glower at his wife.

"Well, yes I am his mother!" She shouted in his face. I winced…again.

"Yes Esme, and the last time I checked I'm his father! Don't I have a right to know when my son will or won't be inviting himself into my home?" I stared at them now in horror.

I didn't even want this stupid party, and now look where it had gotten this family. In order to help me they had driven a wedge between each other. I still didn't feel well, and the sudden pulses of torment that erupted in my stomach made me double over in misery.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I curled my knees against my chest, trying to hold all my bodily organs together. I felt on the edge of combustion.

"Oh, Bella, no!" Esme gushed. "This was supposed to be your special day, and no son of mine will ruin that."

Before I could stop her she was out the door and rushing down the stairs. I heard the _slam _of the large oak door and then silence.

"Lay on your stomach, I'll get you a hot water bottle." Carlisle's eyebrows knitted together as he walked into the bathroom of what I finally figured out were Esme's and his bedroom.

~ oooOooo ~

An hour later I finally made my appearance back into the now empty sunroom. Piles of presents lay on the two round tables in the corner, wrapped in pink paper and frilly bows. The decorations still hung perfectly around the room, while the furniture was rearranged back to its original place.

Alice and Rosalie sat on the white love seat by the window, catching the last rays of sun before it disappeared again. They chatted quietly back and forth, each cradling a steamy drink in ceramic coffee mugs that Alice had crafted in our freshmen art class.

I knocked lightly on the wall by the doorframe. Their heads shoot up at the same time. Their faces where priceless, wide eyes and gawking mouths. I let out a little chuckle and slowly made my way across the room.

Alice stood up first. She didn't make a move, but stood and watched me. Finally as I made my last step towards her she flung her arms around my neck holding on tight, as if not to lose me.

"Oh Bella, I was so worried. How are you feeling?" She pulled away from me to look up at my flushed cheeks and disarmament of hair.

"Like my bridal shower just got hijacked by my maid of honor's brother, who by coincidence used to be my old fiancé that I dumped in this very room seven year ago. Also like I have an ulcer the size of Montana causing mayhem in my abdomen, I haven't slept in the last week, and my anxiety is back." I stated matter-o-factly as I stared out the window.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Rose challenged, finally managing to pull herself off the couch.

I thought for all of two seconds before an automatic answer popped into my brain and out of my mouth before I had time to process it. "I'm going to go get wasted."

"Yay, clubbing!" Alice squealed and proceeded to jump up and down all throughout the house.

The girls and I parted out separated ways but promised to meet up at the closest bar located near all three of us. Rosalie, even after a few minutes of pouting, agreed to be our designated driver.

"Thank you so much Esme, it was a beautiful shower," I hugged this women who only ever wanted the best for me in life and reminded her that Mike would be by tomorrow to pick up my hundred or so presents.

"Isabella, I'd like you to stop down at the hospital sometime this week. I think I have something that will be more effective for that ulcer." Carlisle smiled weakly at me and made me promised I'd come see him.

I agreed reluctantly and wished them a 'goodnight' before closing their front door behind me. It was just a little after six and all I wanted to do was get lost in a gin and tonic.

As I turned around I was met by two sets of surprised eyes. There stood Edward Cullen in the flesh. Other then the five o'clock shadow that he was sporting these days, he could be the exact same nineteen year old boy I'd left surrounded by a sea of cardboard. Plain jeans and I button down flannel shirt, typical Edward.

The bronze hair he inherited from Esme still looked as if he had just gotten out of his or possibly someone else's bed. And those green eyes. _Oh my! _How they still glistened when he looked at me. I could feel the sting in my heart again and I had to look away before I feinted again.

There was a tall blonde girl standing next to him. She was…_pretty_, I guess. Not much of a face, but what I'd kill for that body. I'm sure she's graceful and loved to rock out to Indies rock bands that no one's ever heard of. By the looks of her legs I pegged her as a model. Not the kind that posed for _Vogue_ or _Vanity Fair_, but one who sat nude in front of a bunch of strangers so they could 'catch the true essence of beauty'.

I made my way carefully down the concrete steps of the front porch, trying not to fall and break something-especially in these heels. Making my way to the round driveway, I had directed myself around the couple who still stood silent, following my every move as I got into my car.

I thought I was home free when I turned the engine on, the soft purr of my Porsche sent waves of calm along my spine. Thinking one thing is completely different though then what actually happens, because when I was just about to pull the gear into drive his voice came in a whisper against the open evening air.

"Bella?" I gritted my teeth and clenched on to the steering wheel, debating on whether or not to just hightail it out of this terrible predicament, or run him over with my car.

_I will not answer. Maybe he'll finally catch my drift, like everyone else on the planet, and leave me alone. _

But even after so many years without him, he still ceased to amaze me by never doing what I expect him to.

"Congratulations."

_Who the hell does he think he is? _I scream in my head and finally floored my foot on the gas petal, causing the gravel to spit up from underneath my pretty black tires.

"God I need a drink," I whispered to myself and cranked the volume dial up, as my ipod ironically shuffled to some alternative rock band singing about hate. The shattering volume broke through the quiet night and managed to drown my thoughts out.

After changing out my shower dress, and into a pair of comfy jeans and a flowy blue shirt that Alice had bought me last week, I was out the door. I was giving lady luck a second chance for my wedding present; I made the pivotal decision to wear a pair of black 'evening sandals' was what the boxed called them. Although they where nothing more then three inch death traps.

The air was still warm and I felt bare and open as I stepped outside in my sleeveless shirt. The fabric blew in the breeze and I enjoy the gush of wind that soared past my head as I dove down I-26 to get down town.

Alice and Rose where already waiting for me by the door of a building, whose neon sign indicated it as _Glass. _It was an obvious name, due to the large tinted windows that served as a wall on each side of the club.

Alice had also traded in her purple sundress for a more risqué black lace number that barely covered her thighs let alone anything else. Although, as I tilted my head to the side I noticed that the dress did have a certain flow to it, making it perfect for dancing. But how she was supposed to move in those gray platforms I would never know.

Even with her perturbing tummy, Rosalie was a vision of blonde curls. She wore a long black, scoop neck shirt that like my own was sleeveless. Her sun kissed skin accented the glittering sequence that had been sewed dedicatedly to the neck line. It was the longest shirt I've ever seen Rose wear that wasn't Emmett's old high school football jersey.

I gawked at her feet as I walked up to them.

"Should you really be wearing those shoes Rose?" Looking down, I found my pregnant friend's feet clad in five inch black leather paten pumps.

"Just cause I'm pregnant doesn't me that I can't look hot." She looked over her should quickly as if to see if someone was following her before saying, "just don't tell Emmett. His hid everything higher then three inches in the attic. I had to fight my way past a spider the size of a dog to get to these baby's."

I laughed at her expression of adoration. _There only shoes._ But then again, there is no such thing as _just shoes_ to Rosalie. Much like there was no such thing as _too much shopping_ to Alice.

"Speaking of shoes, look at you all fancy in your D'orsay's."

"My what?" I question.

"Your shoe sweetheart. You're smarter then any man I've ever met, yet as fashion challenged as Alice is vertically challenged." She laughed a beautiful string of melodies, and Alice slapped her arm with a scowl etched on her face.

"Hey! This woman is assaulting a pregnant lady!" Rose shouted and I giggled, the large bouncer standing at the entrance glanced in our direction.

"Come on girls, I need a good night of dancing and alcohol." I grabbed both their arms and the bouncer escorted us inside the bustling night club.

"I'll get us a booth, you get the drinks. Anything with loads of calories is fine for me, hold the booze."

Rose headed over into the dark room, yelling at people she passed. "Lady with a baby coming through!"

The club was hot and stuffy, but was just right if you were looking for some sweaty dancing and overly expensive drinks.

I ordered three rounds of shots for Alice and me, and even a virgin daiquiri with whipped cream for Rose.

As we headed back to where the seating was located, I caught sight of Rose sitting at a booth in the corner. Across from her sat three guys, I froze in my place for a moment checking for any sing of distress come from Rose, but her face was a mask of content. Alice and I finally made our way to the table, putting the drinks down, I placing my hand protectively on Rosalie's shoulder. Alice flanked my right side and glared at the men.

They turned out to be nothing but a bunch of hormonal college boys, looking forward to a night on the town to cross off their bucket lists.

"Well hello there ladies, we were just talking to your friend here and wanted to know if we could buy you some drinks." The farthest one to the end spoke.

He could have barely been more then twenty-one, his cheeks flushed at my intense stare. His thick brown hair stuck up at every end, but suddenly flashes of bronze blurred my view.

I quickly pulled Rose out of her seat and pointed harshly at her enlarged stomach.

"Pregnant," then I grabbed Alice's right hand, showing it off to the table, "married," and lastly I slammed my own hand down against the polished wood-a bit too hard, the large diamond on my finger caught the light of the tacky disco ball, "engaged."

With gapping mouths they stepped out of the booth one by one making their way back to the crowd, keeping their eyes on the black titled floors the entire time.

"Way to be Bella!" Rose raised her hand for a high five. I snorted but accepted her palm with a slap from my own.

As time passed, the glasses at our table turned into a small pile. Tequila shot glasses, sugar rimmed martini glasses, crystal scotch glasses, and a half dozen or so empty virgin daiquiris were spread among us.

Alice turned into a bubbly train wreck after her second martini. She kept calling the waiter a 'hunk muffin' and insisting he lived in Hunk Ville, where she supposedly met Jasper. Oh how Jasper was going to love me when she got home. Alice, taking into consideration her abnormally low body fat, was very much a light weight.

Rosalie on the other hand had been consuming nothing up sugar for the last three hours and now was jumping off the walls. Jittering in her seat, she claimed to have to check her makeup every fifteen minutes, and had been the bathroom at least ten times tonight.

"Let us dance!" Rosalie giggled. This was worse then the time I got her drunk at her bachelorette party three years ago.

"Hold that thought Mrs. Rosy Posy. I think we need to interrogate little Miss Belly Wally here." Alice swayed back and forth in her seat to the blearing music escaping from the dance floor.

"Oh yes! So, you and Edward, huh?" Rose was now sitting in Alice's lap.

"Hell no!" I shouted throwing my arms up in the air.

I proceeded to comb my finger through my tresses. "He ruins everything, first our relationship, then college, now my wedding. Alice I think you need to smother him in his sleep." I suggested in a nonchalant way.

"Oh good idea, I think we should go draw on that bitch fugly face first through!" She threw her martini glass in the air as to give a cheer, but only ended up getting alcohol over everyone.

The giggles that erupted next lasted for a good five minutes before I was clenching onto my stomach begging for Alice to stop making baby voices.

"Which bitch Edward or his little hoe?" I could barely finish the sentence without laughing.

_She's got electric boots a mohair suit  
You know I read it in a magazine  
Bennie and the jets_

My phone's screen's colorful flashes danced across my vision, and I giggled as I hit 'call'.

"H-ello!" I yelled in a sing song voice.

"Bella, babe, where are you? Emmett and Jasper are here and they want to know where their wives went. I'm just a tad bit curious myself."

"Hey everyone it's my fiancé!" I shouted through the thick haze of simulated fog coming off the dance floor.

"Bella, are you…I mean have you been… are you drunk?" Other then one frat party my junior year of college that we attended together, Mike has never seen or heard of me getting drunk.

"Maybe just a tinsy winsy little bit." I motioned with my pointer finger and thumb the amount of scotch and tequila that I believed was in my system. _  
_

"Oh, Bella bear where are you?" he sighed loudly and said something that I couldn't quite make out to who I guessed were Jasper and Emmett.

I was now whistling into my phone and rolling my eyes as Alice and Rosalie went to go get more drinks.

"Give me the phone!" Someone shout in the distance.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you better tell me where the hell you are or I'll be forced to do something drastic." I thought about his threat but got distracted by the laser lights that had just started to stream across the man made fog.

"Omg Emmett they just turned the lasers on, I'm going to get my groove on, ttyl." I hung up the phone and pocketed it, making my way over to the bar.

_My Girlfriend's a dick magnet My Girlfriend's got a habit__**  
**_

The lyrics blared through the four large speakers surrounding the long bar.

I shrieked, "I freakin love this song!"

I started to sway my hips to the beat, and before I knew it someone had hoisted me up onto the long bar counter top. I looked around nervously trying to find Alice or Rose, but my vision was burry and I could only come up with strangers' faces.

"Dance Bella! Shake what your momma gave ya!" I heard Alice's voice and finally spotted her and Rosalie shaking their heads along to the song. A mesh of gold locks and a crop cut of black meshed together with a sea of every color hair you could think, as the DJ cranked up the volume- if that was even possible.

I couldn't stop laughing as I moved up and down the counter tops, wiggling my backside at the crowd that had now formed on the floor.

_She's hot, can't stop, up on stage, doing shots, Tip the man he'll  
Ring the bell, get her drunk she'll scream like hell._

I let out a loud yell and the thickening crowd went crazy. As I continued my dance people in my little audience began grinded up against one another, putting their hands in the air and shouting a drunken cry much like my own.

_Dirty girl, gettin' down, dance with guys from outta town.  
Grab her ass, actin' tough. Mess with her, she'll fuck you up.  
No one really knows if she's drunk or if she's stoned, but she's  
Comin' back to my place tonight!_

My ears where pounding now or maybe that was my heart, I couldn't tell. Everything from head to toe felt like it was on fire. My mouth craved for more bitter scotch, while my esophagus and stomach screamed in protest. My head begged for a bit more of a buzz to keep my conscious from braking free of its iron restraints.

_She likes to shake her ass she grinds it to the beat  
She likes to pull my hair when I make her grind her teeth  
I like to strip her down she's naughty to the end  
You know what she is, no doubt about it  
She's a bad, bad girlfriend!_

My vision became blurry as I continued to twirl around; it did nothing to help the gurgling sound my stomach was making. _Where was I again?_

_Red thong, Party's on, Love this song, sing along.  
Come together, leave alone, see you later back at home_

I felt my self tumbling now, but even the crowd couldn't catch me as I plummeted farther into the darkness of my mind.

There was nothing but black for a moment, but then there was something, a _chill_. Yes, it was a cool breeze that made its way up my body and caused a tremor of shivers. I hid my face in the warmth that had wrapped its limbs around my body. All was silent.

Taking a deep breath, my senses where flooded with the smell of cologne, body wash, and a musky aroma that sent a tingling sensation into my lower abdomen. It was a familiar scent that I forgot about over time.

Possibly my father's manly _odor,_ after a day on the force…no.

It couldn't be Mike's heavenly scent of Armani and silk.

Suddenly my eyes shot open and before I could even register where I was, I scrambled to get up off the ground.

"Wow, wow, wow, slow it down Bella." There that voice was again.

I'm never accepting another percent from this so called lady luck again.

I tried the best I could to stumble away from him. My flesh burned in the most revolting way as I thought about his skin touching my own. I looked around frantically to find that we where on the street corner of _Glass_. The streets were disserted and due to the pumping sound of the loud bass coming from the club it would be nearly impossible for someone to hear a thing, even if I happen to find myself screaming.

I flung myself against the darkened glass and tried my best to brace myself alongside it, attempting to stand up.

"Just let me help you." He let up an exasperated sigh.

Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and I instantly fell to the ground. I opened my mouth in order to let out a scream, but nothing but a wheeze of air flowed out.

"Please don't touch me." I finally whispered quietly and crawled along the ground trying to reach the bench a few feet away.

"Dear god Bella, let me just help you to the bench." He growled and grabbed my wrists causing to flip over onto my back as he leaned over me.

I squeeze my eyes closed and waited for the worst.

"Dude, I think she said she didn't want you to touch her." Emmett's voice never sounded so sweet to my ears until this very moment.

I was being picked up off the ground by two mammoth arms that formed an iron grasp around me, but Edward's fingers remained wrapped around my wrists.

"Let her go, you don't want to hurt her." His voice was barely a whisper, but it felt like a shout to the gods to me.

His grasp only became tighter, and a sound that could have belonged to an injured animal escaped my lips as I winced into Emmett's muscular chest.

"Look what you do to her. Stop torturing her and yourself and go home." I'd never heard him talk in such a harsh manor, my body shook in trepidation.

"Bella!" Mike's worried voice carried over several streets, and even in my current drunken condition, I wanted to jump out of Emmett's arms and run to him.

Mike was always the constant in my life, and if there was something I need right now, it was reliability.

"That's her fiancé, their madly in love, and I've never seen her happier then when she's with him. He's also got the best left hook I've ever seen, so if you want to keep that pretty face of yours, and your only brother, I suggest you let go."

Was that really how Emmett saw Mike and me? Madly in love? Well I do love him, more then anyone ever before actually. Did it really take Emmett's harsh words meant for someone else to get me to see that I didn't want to live without Mike? That was the reason I was marrying him, right?

Finally Edward's death grip loosened and fell away. I clung to Emmett's neck for dear life and waited anxiously for Mike's arms to be wrapped around my waist and his lips on mine.

"Bella," my fiancé sighed as he finally made it to us, "what's wrong honey?"

"She's just had one two many drinks. It's been a long day from what I've heard from…Rosalie. Speaking of which, Bella is she inside with Alice?" I opened my eyes long enough to see the pity he wore for me and the worry he wore for Rose and their unborn child.

"Yes Emmett, Alice and Rose are inside dancing their asses off. And don't shoot the messenger, but your pregnant wife is wearing five inch pumps." I giggled.

How could I go from fear, to revelation, to giddy as a clown within a matter of minutes? I'm never drinking again.

"God damn it, she's found them!" He quickly passed me over to my man's awaiting arms and bolted into the club.

I snuggled into Mike's chest, reveling in his softness immensely more Emmett's muscle.

"Come home with me; I don't want to sleep along." I murmured in his ear, leaving a hot trail of kisses along his neck.

"Isabella, you're drunk." He whispered in heavy pants as I continued my ministrations.

"And horny, don't forget horny." I giggled and he took a sharp intake of breath before he was dashing back to the car with me in his arms.

Looking over his shoulder, I caught just a glimpse of what I'm sure would be in my nightmares tonight, a flash of bronze.

* * *

**Authors Note: **

Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day

WANNA READ MORE?

Visit my blog for chapter 3 at **http:/ dearfictionalcharacter . blogspot(.com) - !See my profile for a link!**

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lOvE  
~FrAn


	3. The Story of Edward Cullen

**Chapter 3**

**The Story of Edward Cullen**

I woke up to the all too familiar sound of rain smacking against my window pane. Mike's bare body was curled around my own, his legs tangled with mine and his arms had resided around my waist, as his head lay on my naked chest.

The sheets had fallen away from us, and I shivered as the cool air steaming out from the overhead vent onto my vulnerable skin. My head pounded uncontrollably and I couldn't open my eyes due to even the smallest crack of light that streamed from the window.

I groaned and tried my best to move away from Mike without waking him. But I hadn't gotten used to sharing a bed with someone yet, and his eyes fluttered open as my legs uncurled from his.

"Morning babe," he smiled ecstatically at me, "good night." He helped pull the blankets over us and snuggled back into my neck, our bodies pressed against one another making me moan.

"Very good night," I gasped in his ear as his arms wrapped around my midsection. "Bad morning though," I sighed and tried to massage the thudding out of my temples.

"Well from what I hear, you had quite a bit to drink last night. I'll go fetch you some aspirin." Only at the promise of drugs did I unravel myself from him.

I pressed my head into the warmth of his pillow and breathed in the remarkable scent that still lingered there. _Ah_… Armani and silk, I wouldn't mind waking up like this every morning.

He was back before I had too much time to miss him, and I eagerly swallowed two of the bottled aspirin.

Swallowing the pills I suddenly remembered something and shot up, separating myself from the warm mattress.

"What's wrong?" Mike asked rubbing my back.

"I just realized I didn't take my insomnia meds last night." A smile crept its way up my face till my cheeks couldn't stretch any farther.

"I don't get it. That sound's bad, but you're smiling. Can you fill me in here?" His face was scrunched up in confusion.

I threw myself at him, collapsing under my weight we fell back onto the bed, and I kissed him roughly on the mouth. After an uncountable minute of pleasure I pulled back gasping.

"What….was…that for?" he gasped in between his words.

"Mike, for the first time in two _years_ I slept the entire night without taking my meds. It's all because of you!" I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck and let my legs curl around his waist.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to tire you out every night for the rest of forever." He left a trail of kisses up my neck and proceeded along my jaw line, sending a shiver down my back.

"Hmmm….let's start now." My breathing became more ragged.

He brought his lips back to mine and we spent the rest of the morning fulfilling his promise.

By twelve noon I had five missed calls from Rosalie, and a staggering twenty-two from Alice. That was even bad for her on an off day.

I assumed the worse when I climbed into Mike's car to go pick up my shower presents. I listened as the phone rang once…twice…a third time, before a breathless Alice finally picked up.

"Bella!" she screeched. "Where are you?" Her question was laced with worry and frustration.

"Um…I'm just at home, killer headache. You know?" I don't know why I felt the need to lie to Alice, but something in her tone told me that whatever was going on, she didn't want me to know about it.

Now I was intrigued to say the least.

"Oh…yeah, headache." Her words sounded distant, blocked by what she was really thinking about. "Is Mike coming to mom's soon?"

"Hmmm, I don't know Alice. I haven't seen him since last night," another blatant lie, "I just told him to go pick up my presents before five. I think he might be working today though." I was shocked at the blasphemy that spilled from my lips.

I had never in my life been able to tell a direct lie. My face would tighten up in an all telling grin or grimace, my eyes never connecting with my accuser. Mike said it was one of my best and worst flaws.

"Okay, well I just wanted to make sure you got home okay last night." I could almost see the creases forming upon her brow.

"Yeah Alice, I'm fine, I just have a lot of work to do for the wedding." _Lie!_

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. Have fun darling, I'll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye Alice."

I only had a second to think to myself before I realized I was not alone in the car.

"What was that about?" Mike's hair flapped in the breeze that spilled from the air conditioner.

"Alice," I frowned, "she's trying to keep me from something happening at Esme's house."

He stared at me in silence for a moment before grabbing my hand, "Do you want me to turn around?"

"Ha!" I yelled. "No way are we missing out on this. Last time they kept something from me Rosalie ended up being pregnant!" I huffed and proceeded to slouch in my seat.

Mike chuckled, "I'm sure it's not as monumental this time dear."

I snorted, "Obviously you haven't been around the Cullen's enough in the past three years." He just shook his head and continued down I-26 as _The White Stripes_ played softly in the background, off of our new pre-wedding mix tape-Courtesy of Alice.

_Let's get married  
in a big cathedral by a priest  
coz if I'm the man you love the most  
you can say I do at least_

I squeezed his hand in mine and took a deep breath. Six days.

~ ooOoo ~

Just as I suspected, as we pulled up to the Cullen's house, there sat their cars of choice. Emmett and Rosalie's black, family approved SUV followed by Alice and Jasper's red Audi, and an unfamiliar silver Volvo.

"Where's the party?" Mike question.

I could feel my temper flaring, as my cheeks burn a flash of red.

Gripping Mike's elbow, I dragged him to the front door. I childishly put my ear up to the oak.

"Clear," I whispered as my fiancé eyed me with a concerned glance.

"Bella are you sure-" I didn't let him finish; I was already pulling him through the door.

It was silent inside the house, or so it seemed. There was a light chatter coming from the kitchen.

I mentally thank my self for wearing tennis shoes as I tipped toed down the long hallway-Mike still in tow.

That's when the yelling started.

"I don't understand why none of you are happy for me!" That annoyed and irritated voice could only belong to one person. Edward was back.

"Son, it's not that we aren't happy for you, it's just…well." Carlisle fought to find the right choice of words, an unheard of occurrence.

"Dude, what dad's _failing_ to say is that you haven't been home for about a decade. Then you show up unannounced, ruining Bella's bridal shower, with some chick who you've never even mentioned. I don't really see a reason to be happy for you. Actually I'm pissed off." I gasped at Emmett's words.

Mike and I had frozen just beside the door of the kitchen, eavesdropping on their rather loud conversation.

"Why is it always about her! I'm getting married too, I'm your son! She's….she's nothing!" I could image his face beat red, his hands yanking furiously at his hair, and a pair of burning green eyes that could kill.

Without meaning to I let out a cry of pain. The room beyond us became instantly quiet. The urge to cry was overwhelming.

"Bella," Someone sighed and I quickly turned to Mike for guidance.

He shrugged, his eyes wide, mouth slack in awe and confusion.

In a desperate attempt to keep my presence in the house hidden I shoved Mike forward, sending him sprawling into the kitchen unannounced.

"Michael?" Esme's voice puzzled over my fiancé in her kitchen which allowed me just enough time to dash for the stairs. "Is Bella with you?"

I wasn't around long enough to hear his on the spot answer. Without thinking I threw open the first door my hands touched and silently clicked it shut.

I had forgotten to take my pills again this morning; I was starting to feel the side effects. My legs started to shake so bad I collapsed on the floor by the large bed settled next to the door. Everything from my arms to my knees felt like jello. I let my head roll back on to the duvet, wishing this would all just be a bad nightmare I could wake up from. Maybe it wasn't just the lack of drug that caused my equilibrium to tank.

My eyes shot open at the smell of body wash and must.

How had it taken me this long to realize that of all the rooms I had to pick, _I chose his_?

Just like him, the room hadn't changed much. But this was most likely due to the little to nonexistent use of the room since he left for god knows where.

His walls were still painted a deep blue that matched the comforter on the bed. Our prom picture was still hanging on the wall, in that silver frame above his dresser.

Out of curiosity and fascination I pulled all my strength together and hoisted my body onto his mattress. Tracing my fingers along the soft cotton sheets I thought back to the days spent in this room, one in particular.

"_Oh….Bella," He sighed heavily in my ear, while trying to work to get the clasp of my bra undone. _

"_Edward?" my voice was small and nervous. _

_He pulled back slightly to look me in the eyes. _

_Both our shirts lay on the floor by his bed. His parents were out for the weekend, doing some shopping or other in Seattle. Both Alice and Emmett had gone, that left Edward and me to spend some alone time in the house. _

_My original intent was just to come over and watch a movie. But now 'Troy' laid somewhere among our growing pile of clothes, long forgotten. _

_It stared with a simple hello kiss, but before I could confirm what was happening, he had both his and my shirt off, and was now still working on that clasp. _

_My fleshed burned and so did other parts, but my blood was frozen. My brain yelled at me to stop, while my heart cried in a corner, sobbing a 'not ready' plea. _

"_I'm….I don't think I'm….what I mean is…" I got lost in his dark eyes suddenly. Profound pools of liquid green fire. _

"_What's wrong Bella?" He licked his lips, eyeing his prize. "Don't you want me?"_

_He was playing with me now as he began to move his body; mine tightened into a wound coil, waiting to spring free. I felt like I was about to be spilt in two halves. _

"_Um…yessss!" I hissed into his ear, and he began his battle with the metal clasp again. _

_No! My subconscious yelled at me, and before I could register it, the words were coming out of my mouth as well. _

"_No, Edward, I'm not ready. I can't, I'm sorry." _

_I cried then, I placed my face in his pillow and wailed for what I thought was hours. But he didn't leave, didn't even move from where he was laying. He stayed, said kind words, and after a while we found ourselves in a passionate embrace of kisses. _

"_I'll wait for you forever Isabella." _

Those words haunted me even now as I shoved my face into that same pillow and let the all too friendly tears poor down my face. Though the room was quiet I could still hear the echoing of our hot breaths.

"You come here often?"

I jumped from my place, almost succeeding in falling off the bed.

Staring at him, I felt that same seven year hole unravel in my stomach. Even though it hurt me to see him standing before me now, a decade later, I felt more rage then anything else. I wiped furiously at the tear stains on my cheeks.

"I'd say no, and that would still be twice as many times as you." I hissed. Standing and making my way to the seat underneath the window. Then tension in the air was so thick you could taste it. _Piss and Vinegar. _The phrase Charlie used to use came to mind.

It was still raining, and as I looked out the window I pulled my knees to my chest. Fearing I'd be crushed by the tears the worked their way up my throat, I clung closer to them.

"And here I thought you were still the same innocent, little girl I met so many years ago. But look at you now." He took a seat on the bed, rubbing the quilt the same way I had, with a sense of longing.

"Yes, look at me." I sighed.

"I can't seem to stop actually." He said softly, and even from the other side of the room it was as if he had screamed it. I felt the bile turning in my stomach; the ulcers sent a stabbing pain through my abdomen.

"You always did have shit timing Cullen." I snickered, in a frantic attempt to lighten the dense atmosphere. It was being to feel like the air around us was compressing.

"Yes, well I'll be sure not to interrupt your _next _wedding shower." His snarky attitude irked me to no extent. Same old Edward.

I smiled wildly out the window, "No, this is it for me."

Just thinking of Mike, softened the lump in my belly, and calmed my quivering hands.

"How have you been Isabella, really?" He paced his way towards me slowly, until he is sitting before me, plaid shirt, blue jean and a mess of bronze hair. It was senior year all over again.

I tore my eyes from his face long enough to collect a coherent answer. With any luck I would vomit all over him with in the next five minutes.

"Other then my hand full of medical problems…I've never been happier." His eyes light up with emotion after emotion Like fireworks, they were there one moment and gone the next.

"Medical problems?" He ran his hands through his hair, a tell tale sign of his anxiety.

Like Carlisle, I refused to answer Edward's question, only turned my head to look through the water streaked glass. I found myself pondering how I had come to be holding a conversation with my ex-fiancé in his childhood bedroom.

"How about you Mr. Hotshot, what's up with the great Edward Cullen?" _Now who's being snarky?_

A dark chuckle cracked through his shiny white teeth, I found it hard to look at. That smile reminded me of a sneer that used to play upon the same mouth.

"Same old Bella, you can take the girl out of Forks, but you can't take the Forks out of the girl. How does your fiancé like that smart ass mouth of yours?" That wicked grin fueled the fire growing behind my eyes.

I see how this game is going to work. I won't answer his questions so he won't answer mine.

Unfolding my knees from my chest, I leaned in closer to his face. His overwhelming scent slaps my square in the jaw and my eyes grew colder, my body more ridge. He doesn't back down, sporting those same cold eyes and tough exterior.

"I don't know Eddie, how does yours?" I mocked.

I watched in wonder and fear as his hands balled in to fists at his side. His lips pulled back over his impeccable teeth and a low snarl escaped from his chest. I had heard it once before and the sound silenced the room.

Before either of us could throw each other out the window, the door to his bedroom flew open.

"Edward!" Carlisle and Emmett screeched.

I leaned back with a cool smile on my face, his eyes never leaving mine. "I'm fine." I stated to my posse of bodyguards.

"Bella, there you are." Mike sighed in relief, making his way over to me. "You look pale baby, have you taken your meds yet?"

I looked down at my lap; ashamed to tell him I had forgot again. He was furious last night, having heard from Emmett who heard from Rose that I collapsed at the bridal shower. If only he really knew that it wasn't just from lack of iron.

"...um," I hesitated.

"Bella!" He groaned before picking me up in his arms. He rocked me like a baby and my eyes slowly slid shut feeling secure and loved.

"Carlisle do you have any supplements? Two days in a row really isn't good for her, especially before the wedding." His concerned tone sent a wave of anger down my spine.

_How can you do this to him? How can you do this to any of them? _

I could feel the shaking in my hands begin to worsen as exhaustion loomed over me. Mike sat down somewhere and slowly stroked my cheek. I hummed in approval and snuggled in closer, leaving no space in between our bodies.

"What's wrong with her?" Edward's voice flooded my ears; I tried my best to suppress the moan that was inflicted from the festering of that seven year wound.

"Shut up Edward!" Emmett growled.

"No, its okay Emmett, how would your brother know?" There was a pause. "She's anemic, well she a lot more then anemic, but she hasn't taken her medicine today and she's probably just a little tired. It happens, you know?" He voice was a low whisper, filled with tenderness. He continued to stroke my cheek and I melted into him.

'_Oh god!' _I thought.

No one had told him. Mike didn't know about Edward. He knew nothing, other then the obvious. He was clueless to the engagement, the aftermath, even the college visit.

"Bella, dear you need to take this." Carlisle tried to coax me to sit up and take whatever he kept shoving in my hand. But I was tired and just need some sleep.

Mike sighed, "Always so stubborn Bells, okay we'll go home."

There was string of laughter that erupted from the other side of the room and I cringed wrapping my arms around Mike's neck to escape this hell on earth.

We had made it only a step or two from the room when Mike doubled around and reentered.

"Oh Edward, you'll be at the wedding right?" It took just one sentence to shatter the blanket of slumber that had dragged me under. I shot up in Mike's embrace.

"No!" I screamed in his face, he looked down at me in shock.

"But babe he's your best friend's brother, I just thought-"

I interrupted him spitting out a, "Shut up Mike and take me home." It was the harshest tone I had ever used with him.

Dumbfounded Mike shook his head obediently and carried me to the car.

The ride home was tense and quite. Our pre-wedding tape no longer filled the car with gushy music. I continued to stare out the window even when Mike cleared his throat, making an attempt to question my behavior.

I felt terrible mentally and physically, and by the time we pulled off the freeway I realized we were going in the opposite direction of my apartment.

"Mike I want to go home," I sighed.

"Nope," was all he said as he drove through the puddles along a pot hole littered back road.

"What do you mean no? I don't feel good, now take me home." I practically screeched.

He reached into the glove compartment in front of me and pulled out a water bottle. "Stop being such a prima donna and take your pills, we're going to Ray's."

I gawked at him, but dug through my purse for each bottle of prescription meds.

Ray's had been a place that Mike and I had found our first time back from college together. We had gotten lost, trying to find Forks. It was pouring and our rental car had broken down right in front of a little diner called Ray's.

We'd been going there ever since, for the world's best cup of coffee, and Meg's homemade apple pie.

When we finally pulled into the small parking lot next to the diner, I was begging for the relief of the growing silence.

Taking our usual seat in the corner by the front window, Mike ordered two coffees and a piece of pie to share.

"Talk," a command that resembled one given to a dog.

I hesitate looking at my steamy cup of java, "I really don't know what you want me to say."

"I_ really_ think you do." He was trying to be smart.

I sighed, '_you have to tell him Bella_', my heart yelled at me.

"I don't know where to start, it's a long story." I finally lifted my eyes to his.

"Start from the beginning babe, I'm not going anywhere." I wanted to cry at his words. What little he really know about the baggage that I carried with me, was nothing compared to the bombshell that I was about to drop on him.

I took a deep breath and began the story of Edward Cullen.

"Well, I guess it started when Alice and I met each other the first day of kindergarten. I let her borrow my purple crayon and complimented her frilly dress. I still remember that ugly thing. It was like three different shades of putrid." I laughed.

"I've known the Cullen's ever since. I grew up with Emmett, Alice, and…Edward. They were always like the family that I'd never had. I even found myself wishing I had a Carlisle and an Esme to tuck me in at night.

"Years went by and I grew apart from Alice, and along with her I lost my little family. I was a scholar she was a cheerleader. One Monday my sophomore year I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs-"

Mike had interrupted my story with a loud chuckle. I glared at him, and his mouth snapped shut, his eyes intent on my face.

"Like I was _saying_, I fell down the stairs, and the first person to find me was Edward. He stayed with me the entire ride to the hospital, not even his dad could get him to let go of my hand when they wheeled me into the ER.

"Everything after that just kinda fell into place. We were inseparable and in love. He was my first everything." I twirled my finger around the rim of my mug, unable to look Mike in the eyes.

"He was a year older, a musician. The most nonconformist person I'd ever met. We went to art galleries and underground band concerts instead of dinner and a movie. He had this weird classical slash alternative rock band with some name I thought was stupid, but couldn't find the heart to tell him." I found a smile creeping it's way up my face.

"He graduated, and I was working on my senior year with an opportunity at a free ride to Yale. The year went fast, Edward had stayed in town. Carlisle gave him a year to test his toes in the water of the music world, but if he didn't have a deal by the end of the summer he was going to school.

"I finished that year with honors, and gave the valedictorian speech. That night at a party Alice had thrown, Edward pulled me to his room saying he had a graduation present for me. He got down on one knee, pulled out a ring, and proposed to me."

Mike's eyes danced with so many emotions, and I thought about stopping, to protect him form the rest. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze persuading me forward.

"I said yes, but by the time the summer was a half way over Edward already had plans for us to spend the next year backpacking through Europe, and I found myself longing for a college education.

"He promised that he would give his band a break for a year and that I could just start school the next fall. He said everything would be so much better after we were _Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen_. As always I let him coax me to believe that I wanted what he wanted. Maybe at the time that _was_ what I really wanted."

Meg came and refilled our cups, giving me a moment to collect myself, hoping that the building tears would subside. The single piece of pie that lay between us, still untouched, began to chill.

"I wasn't positive on what I wanted till that letter came in the mail. It was from the Yale Administration Board, they were giving me a full scholarship. The same day I went to the Cullen's broke off our engagement and went home to start packing to leave that Friday.

"I guess something snapped in him that day…Edward I mean. He called constantly, and showed up at my door a couple of times a day. He was a mess, god Mike," I tilted my head back trying to blink the tears away as I stared up at the ceiling, "when I think about what I did to him, it breaks my heart." I cleared my throat and took a long swig of my caffeinated beverage.

I was brought back to that night so many moons ago.

_I had finished making Charlie's supper- the last hot meal I was worried he'd get until I came for Thanksgiving. My stomach fluttered in excitement and anticipation. My brain mentally checked over my luggage making sure I'd pack everything down to the last box of pens. But even with the frenzy that was keeping my brain occupied, my heart still wept. _

_Edward had been by the house again yesterday. This time with roses and a whole string of sorrys, promises, and as always he brought that little black box. _

_He wasn't making our breakup any easier for himself let along everyone else. My father has been in a sour mood all week, Esme and Carlisle have perpetual headaches, Alice is devastated she has to return her bridesmaid's dress, and Emmett is furious with his brother. _

_I felt numb. Uncaring and unwanting. I didn't even answer the phone anymore because nine times out of ten it was his voice on the other side. The door bell rang once, sometimes twice a day. I knew who stood behind it. _

_I cried on Monday night, letting it all out, forcing him out of my system. Tuesday morning I was shocked to find him in my kitchen-Charlie still hadn't found out and let him in. I wrapped my arms around him and he forgave me. Before I could stop him he was already trying to slip that ring back on my finger. I yelled, he yelled, Charlie kicked him out. He'd been back everyday since. He didn't get it. _

_Now I was happy to be leaving, getting away from the source of my misery. A well needed break from Forks and it's residence-well only one. _

_It was early, but my eyelids had to fight to say open as I went over my checklist one last time. Most of my larger items had already been sent to Connecticut, but three large suitcases still remained. _

_After one last thorough OCD of a check I let my body finally wrap around my quilt. Two deep breaths of the warm summer air and I was out for the count. _

_I groaned groggily feeling a sharp pain in my legs that stirred me. I tried to move them, but a heaviness stopped me. I made some kind of frustrated noise and blinked my eyes open. _

_I sighed when I looked up. Edward's green eyes pierced into my own and the hole in my chest filled. I smiled and closed my eyes, wishing he'd hold me. _

_After a moment I let my eyes snap open. Edward!_

_I remembered the out I made from our relationship, and could even now see the tan line where my engagement ring once was worn. _

"_Edward," I whispered in the dark. _

_He was staring at me intently, like something to eat. I wondered briefly how he got into my room. Surely Charlie-Chief of Police- doesn't leave the front door unlocked at night. _

_He leaned down, his face almost coving mine. He brought his palm up and slowly stroked my cheek tenderly. But the tenderness was long forgotten when the slap! came. I shrieked and immediately tried to over my reddening face, but he had forced both my arms behind my back where they screamed in discomfort. _

"_Edward!" I hissed back appalled and suddenly scared by the darkness that had settled over his face. _

_He petted my cheek again and then another slap! Tears sprung to my eyes and I didn't fight them as they fell down against the stinging flesh. _

"_Shh," he cooed, "don't make this worse then it has to be baby." His voice was weird; both smooth and calm a companionship that didn't often go together when it came to Edward. _

"_Edward get off of me!" My voice rose in volume as every part of my body yelled in pain from our awkward position._

_This time he aimed lower, hitting me hard in the stomach, making my body bow towards him. Another punch landed against my temple and my eyes flashed a bright white light, the dizziness came soon after. _

_I opened my mouth to scream but his lips was on mine before I could get even a breath out. His lips were rough and his teeth held no mercy, biting into skin as if to mark his territory. _

_He finally tore his lips from mine but only to drag his teeth along my neck. He sunk them into my jugular; he put his hand over my mouth when I let out a long wail. The tears were coming fast now and a fresh wave of terror ran down my spine. _

"_Oh baby I love to hear your screams." He whispered harshly into my ear, "I hear them every night in my dreams, but we have to be very quiet. So be a good little bitch or you'll be sorry." He laughed. This was an Edward I've never known. _

_One blow after another pummeled my body back into the mattress; I could feel the blood vessels breaking to form a set of bruises. My joints that still lay trapped under him felt inflamed. _

_He finally leaned back, still on his knees, to enjoy his handwork. I took the only opportunity I thought I had and tugged my arms from under me, shoving him in the chest. He fell backwards freeing my legs, and I quickly sprang from the bed, opening my mouth to let out a long scream. _

_He got there faster then I could even imagine, and I was being dragged back down. That was it; I was going to die at the hands of the man I loved._

_He was angry now, real rage painted his cheeks in a bright red. His hands became feverent and slammed my writs above my head. _

"_That's how you want to play it you whore. You're always trying to leave! Not tonight baby. Oh, tonight I'll show you who you belong to." He growled at me._

_I sobbed as he shoved his hand under my shirt and ripped it from my body. _

_No! No! NO! I sobbed as he tore my clothes from my limp form. _

_With nothing but my underwear on, Edward leaned over me and whispered against my lips before the bedroom door was slammed opened. _

_I screamed, and tried my best to get away from Edward as my dad storms across the room. _

"_Daddy!" I wailed in between sobs before he ripped Edward from my body. _

_There's a lot of screaming and even a punch or two thrown. I hid my body and avert my eyes by wrapping into the smallest ball I can contort my body into. My head hurt and my stomach clenches. _

_Someone keeps calling my name but they sound far away, and I'm numb. _

Even with the deep breath, the tears keep rolling down my cheeks like they did that night.

Mike remained silent but his hold on my hand was becoming a death grip. Finally I think it becomes too much for him and he comes and cradles me against him on my side of the table.

"He…He was angry, so angry at me. Whoever was yelling at me wasn't the Edward that I had once loved." I could barely speak, as the streams spill from my eyes.

"What happened baby," it was barely a whisper.

"He spent the night in jail, they sent him to a mental physicality the next day, and I took a plane to Yale."

I whipped furiously at my wet face.

"My dad and the Cullen's thought that Connecticut was the safest place for me, little did they know that even two thousand miles away he found me."

"What!" Mike growled in my ear. I knew this would be the hardest part from him.

"It was about a month before I met you, he showed up at my doom. He looked…better, well at least better then he did before." I sighed remembering.

_I had only started school two weeks ago and my sophomore year was already proving to be a challenging one. I was taking three writing classes, and an advanced English course. The work was killer and the teachers where harsh, but I loved every minute of it. _

_Angela and me had grown close freshmen year, and decided to doom together again. We both took our work seriously, and didn't quite go the spotlight when it came to college life. No parties, but long nights in the library with an occasional book fight between the tall shelves. We were good for one another. _

_The wind was starting to take on a cold shiver that singled the end to summer and the beginning of the beautiful fall weather here in Connecticut. _

_I grabbed a light jacket as I headed out of my room, ready for a rigorous creative writing class. Just as I reached the door there was a soft knock. I assumed Angela had forgotten her key again as I yanked the door open. _

_I shrieked and dropped my books when those green orbs met mine. _

"_Don't be scared, please." He begged looking contrite in the doorway. _

_The tears welled up daring to spill over the brim of my eyelids. Just looking at him now scared me shitless and I wanted to slam the door in his face and hide. _

_So like any scared child I did. I slammed the door on his sad looking face, and cried against it till Angela came back an hour later to find me crumbled in the corner. _

"It was the last time I saw him till yesterday. That's why I kinda snapped at you today when you invited him to _our_ wedding, because I don't want him to be in anymore of my memories." Recalling everything stung my heart to no extent.

Mike held me and combed his fingers through my hair. I let my eyes slid shut, but clung to his shirt the way a small child would.

"Maybe we should invite him." He suggested.

* * *

Author Note:

Hope you liked it. **Comment=Happy Me=Faster Updates**

~Fran


	4. Aurora Borealis BrotherinLaw & Magazines

**Chapter 4**

**Aurora Borealis, Brother-in-Laws, & Magazines**

I stared in shocked at the man who in six days I would call my husband.

Invite Edward Cullen, my ex fiancé, the man who attacked and almost rape me, to our wedding?! Was he insane or just on drugs?

"Come again?" I squeaked in a final attempt to right his blurb of words.

With the most serious look I'd ever seen grace his gorgeous face he replied, "I said maybe we should invite him."

I pulled away from his tender embrace and continued to stare in bewilderment at Mike.

"To what, a formal lynching?" I barked, fueling my words with building anger.

"I mean the wedding Bella, _our _wedding." He emphasized the 'our'.

"I'm confused," I gawked at his face, "did you miss something in my story, like maybe how he almost _raped_ me?!" My words formed into shouts and soon the few people sitting in the tiny diner turned to watch our spat.

Mike looked around at the nosey onlookers, "Maybe we should finish this conversation at my place."

I huffed and stormed out of the diner into the pouring rain. I clambered into Mike's car, trying to avoid getting completely soaked.

Once inside, away from the cold precipitation, I pulled my knees to my chest wrapping my arms securely around them, closing my eyes. I could feel the numbness taking over my body again.

It happened only when I thought about that night, the night where I lost every hope of innocence and normalcy. I'd stopped going to the therapist the Cullen's paid for me to see, because I hated having to relive that night over, and over, and over again. That was at the end of freshmen year, and I learned to deal with it-as best as possible.

It was all good until he showed up that one autumn day. And now Mike will lay awake at night wonder if we could have done something, if he would have met me earlier, what would have happen? They were the same questions that swirled in my head at night when I laid awake staring at my ceiling with no hope in the world that I would find sleep any time soon.

I felt the cold warm moist air flood the car, then a harsh _slam_ from the door. Mike was pissed.

He started the engine and backed out of the small gravel covered parking lot, and proceeded down the unstable road. Our CD was playing quietly in the background. Soon the CD switched tracks and the familiar voice of Peter, Paul and Mary- an old sixties band that my dad used to listen too, filled the car with a sweet melody.

_All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go  
I'm standing here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn  
The taxi's waiting, he's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry._

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my once solemn face. The lyrics of the song brought me back to Mike and I's first date.

_Five Years Ago…_

_Even though the cool air outside required the protection of a windbreaker, my palms were hot and sweaty. Angela had placed me on the bench a good five minutes ago; giving my hair a last minute fix and an encouraging pat on the back before fleeing the scene. _

_My watch read 7:29, any minute now Mike would hopefully be walking up the steps to meet me outside my dorm building. At the strike of seven thirty I was about to jump off the bench and run for the comfort of my room, knowing that he wouldn't show up. Not for someone like me. _

_But to my awe and amazement, he strolled up the stairs clad in a leather jacket and jeans. He caught my eye immediately, a smile growing upon his face. I was in shock at the beauty of this boy. _

"_Hello," Mike almost whispered keeping his eyes on his feet. _

"_Hi," I blushed a scarlet red. _

"_Um…I thought we could go to the museum." His timid voice reassured me that maybe he was just a nervous as I was. _

"_Oh, that sounds…" I couldn't finish my sentence before he had thrown his arms up in the air and let out a loud groan. _

"_I'm so stupid! Of course you don't want to go to a museum, that's so lame. I've only been standing here for two minutes. Is it possible to ruin the chance of a life time in two minutes?" He yelled to the sky then met my eyes again. _

_A small giggle escaped my lips when I realized that he was _more_ nervous then me. I pulled his hand into mine and took a step closer. _

"_I love the museum." I whispered only a mere three inches from his face. _

_He took a small intake of breath. "O…okay," he was whispering again. _

_We walked the short way to the museum that lay just beyond campus grounds. I kept a small smile on my face the entire way. _

_The rest of the night was spent in constant conversation. He wanted to know about my family, my major, my favorite color. I asked about his home, his future, and his favorite meal for future reference. It was enchanting, just like something that I had dreamt up at night, or read straight from a fairytale. I felt like I was living out my very own Cinderella story. _

_Finally making it back to my complex he let out a loud sigh and looked at me anxiously. _

"_Would it be okay, I mean, can I, well can I, can I walk you to your room?" He finally managed. _

_I smiled, "I'd love that Mike." _

_I let him hold my hand as we entered the building and waited for the elevator. It didn't take long and soon it was just us in the enclosed space. _

_I recognized the old song that played through the speakers atop the ceiling. It was a song that my dad used to whistle to while fishing. I could vaguely remember some of the words. _

_I found myself speaking, "I love this song," it came from no where but he squeezed my hand, turning to me. _

_He lead in close and started to sing along to the lyrics. _

So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go

_I could just stare at him and wonder if this was somehow god's way of making Edward up to me. But in the moment I didn't want to think about him, all I could think about was Mike and how his lips formed a perfect "o" shape as he held the last note. _

_So I leaned in the last inch or so and planted a very unBella like kiss right on those lips. _

_The doors opened and I quickly stepped out, but just as they were about to close he slammed his hand against it and pulled me between the opening where he stood. _

_He crushed his lips to mine and I felt something that I thought I would never feel again with a boy…a man. I felt a spark. _

Going down the highway at sixty six miles per hour, Mike grabbed my hand and sang to me once again the same way he did on our first date, and everything was right in the world.

~ ooOoo ~

In the end Mike and I decided to agree to disagree. I didn't want Edward Cullen anywhere near our wedding, while he wanted him as close as the first row from the alter.

I did agree to think about his proposition if he would consider letting me in on the vacation spot he had picked for our honeymoon. It had been an ongoing secret for the last three months thanks to both Alice and Esme.

I still didn't quite understand what inviting Edward to our wedding would accomplish. Mike insisted that it was just the fact that if he could see me get married, he would finally comprehend that I wanted nothing to do with him, I've moved on. But there is a small voice inside me that says that this is Mike's way of marking his territory.

I woke up on another bright sunny morning with the prospects of tackling my last week of work. Searching my closet for the millionth time I decided on a simple navy blue cotton dress, with some nude heels Rose said I "had to have for my work wardrobe".

With a steamy cup of Chamomile in my favorite thermos, my old green book bag I still used from college, and my ever so efficient Blackberry I walked out the door into the warm sunlight.

Walking along the streets of Seattle in the morning was like walking the streets of Paris at night to me. There was something for everyone. Tall churches for the religious, five star restaurants for the foodies, fully stocked books stores and libraries for people like me, and a coffee house on every corner for the caffeine addicts of this great city.

Just as I'd turned 2nd avenue, my phone started to ring a familiar chorus of Bennie and the Jets.

"Talk," I answered, waiting for the crosswalk sign to turn green.

"Bella, where are you at this very moment?!" Alice squeaked through the receiver.

"Um… I'm just about to get on Spring Street, why?" I asked hoping that this wouldn't end with me doing her a favor.

"I need a _huge_ favor." She wined, already starting the pleading. Why did I even bother?

I sighed, "What Alice?"

"Oh you're a doll, can you go pick me up a cappuccino from Starbucks, hold the whip cream." I could hear her scrambling with something over the phone.

"Yeah Alice why not, I mean I'd love to help fuel the countries growing capitalists funding." I answered sarcastically.

"Thanks babe, see you soon." She hung up and I stormed my way in the opposite direction of The Seattle Times building.

Walking into an overcrowded Starbucks was like the kiss of death for me. Alice swore by the stuff, but I would find myself crossing the street, just to avoid that flashy green sign.

The smell of cheap coffee loomed in the air as I entered the large café. People of all ages buzzed around with their too long to pronounce beverages.

Young college students saved seats for their friends in the back by the outlets plugs, pulling every color laptop from their overstuffed satchels. Middle aged men in business suits littered the window seats. Each had an issue of the _New York Times_ spread out on the table before them, a half eaten croissant on the side, and a cup of scolding black java. Lovers occupied the many booths, on coffee dates or just for a chance to check up before they were dragged back to the real world.

I stand at the end of the mile long line and wait, checking my watch every thirty seconds to see if time has magically gone faster. I watch the people around me intently, wondering how they had become part of the mass hysteria that has turned into Starbucks.

I watched the man in front of me closely. He looked around the same age as me, distressed jean, flannel shirt, a camera slung across his shoulder and hung against his hip. I wondered how a man like this could be fascinated by the arts, but lack a preference of coffee.

He glanced at his watch once, twice, a third time before I finally found the courage to tape him on the shoulder.

His russet skin complexion was foreign to this area and his I heart New York t-shirt was like an arrow pointing to his head that read: tourist.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but if you're looking for some _good _Seattle coffee, there's a java house just a block down. It's on the corner you can't miss it. Order a plain; they'll know what you mean." I preached about coffee like it was religion.

He stared at me for a moment, head to toe, then smiled and without saying a word walked straight out the door. A feeling of pride surged through me knowing I had just given someone the experience of tasting a _true_ cup of Seattle java.

"Next!" A cashier yelled, and somehow I was ended at the front of the line.

"Oh, um yes, I'd like a cappuccino, hold the whip crème." I was glade I remembered Alice's order. She might maim me if I came back without what she asked for.

I paid the man behind the counter and waited at the other end of the long marble bar for my order.

Just as my hand made contact with the cup I heard a voice call my name.

"Bella?" It questioned. I was unfamiliar with the voice and turned around to find my caller.

A tall curvy, blonde haired, women stood before me, a bright white smile plastered on her face. She seemed to have gotten more beautiful since the first time I had seen her.

"Um…yes?" I answered not sure if she was really talking to me.

Of all the people I could have run into in Starbucks, it would _have_ to be Edward's fiancée. Even when he wasn't with me, he managed to make my life a living hell.

She jerked her head up and down in some kind of nodding gesture, then shoved her hand into mine pulled it up in down in a shake.

"I'm sorry to be so straightforward; you properly don't even know who I am." She expressed never letting that perky smile fall from her mouth.

"Oh, I defiantly know who _you_ are." I rolled my eyes, wanting to just make it to work without running into Edward himself.

With the thought I quickly checked the shop for a head of bronze hair, but came up empty. Meanwhile the girl in front of me, who couldn't have been any more than twenty, frowned at my comment and started to fidget with her satchel.

"Well, I'm Aurora." She grinned again.

I couldn't help the laugh that followed, "Like the princess?"

"No actually it's like the northern lights, Aurora Borealis." She said, looking me straight in the eyes.

My lips formed a silence "oh".

"Do you have time to sit and chat? I've been dying to pick you're brain."

I looked down in her hands to find a cardboard cup, identical to my own displaying the same heinous franchise name.

"Well I kinda was just stopping." I answered, already feeling the awkward air around us tighten and grow heavy. I checked my watch for the hundredth time, just to give me something other then her piercing blue eyes to look at.

"Couldn't you just talk for a minute?" She slugged her shoulders downward and put on a pleading look.

Sighing, I agreed, knowing it would be the only way to get her off my back, and out of this train wreck of a coffee house.

We took a seat at one of the only unoccupied tables placed next to the window. The warming sun streamed through the glass and hit my face, sending a pleasant shiver down my spine.

"So, I've been dieing to ask…how did you and Edward meet?" She gushed, letting her chin rest atop her palm, her chilling eyes trained on me.

I felt like a sixteen year old girl again, sitting on her bed gossiping about boys and makeup over a copy of _Seventeen, _except I'd never done that not even when I was 16 myself. I had the feeling this twenty something year old still enjoyed a good teen magazine ever once in a while.

"It's really not that great of a story." I sighed. "Wait," I sat up in my seat, "Edward's never told you how we met?" I queried.

She sighed and looked out the window, twirling her finger around the lid of her cup. Her face told the story. "No, he doesn't like to talk about you…I mean your relationship. He says that it doesn't involve me. He's very forestalling when it comes to me knowing about you." A grimace tainted the purity of her face.

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. _Edward doesn't talk about me?_

"_Don't be so hypocritical Bella, you do the same thing." _My inner voice barked at me.

"So will you tell me?" She interlaced her fingers together and jetted her bottom lip out, in a pathetic begging type look.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" I asked. How could this girl be so curious about _me_?

She slouched down in her chair, giving up on the puppy dog eyes.

"I don't know," She averted her eyes back to the window. "At first it just started out as curiosity to know if there were many girls before me. You know normal girlfriend inquisitiveness."

I watched as she chewed on the inside of her cheek, a nervous habit.

"But then it turn into something more. I kept asking and he kept hiding. More and more I would try to bring up the topic of his past relationships. More or less he was ticked off. "

I couldn't help to stare at this girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, the gentleness of an angel, she wore a delicate diamond incrusted cross around her neck. How did she get roped in with a man like Edward? She's not what I expected at first glance, especially when she's dating someone like him.

"He started to demand….more from our relationship," she looked around awkwardly, avoiding my gaze. "I threatened to leave, telling him I didn't want that from him. I wanted love and respect. All he wanted was…_sex_." She whispered the last word, cupping her hands over her mouth so that the others around us wouldn't hear.

I almost laughed at her reaction, "You know sexual relations aren't as taboo as they used to be? Right?" I asked taking a sip of my cooling tea.

Her face flushed a rosy pink color. She haphazardly traced patterns against the tabletop.

"Um…I just have never…I mean I wasn't raised like that." She said in hushed tones.

This time I did laugh at her. Her head snapped up to look at me with wounded eyes, and a bruised self-esteem.

"I mean, I grew up with a single dad. Do you think I knew anything about sex?" I asked raising my voice.

Aurora's eyes swept over the room trying to see if my word's had been heard by any of the surrounding tables. Her face grew brighter.

"I mean, god, don't they teach this stuff in the schooling systems anymore. Sex is part of growing up. Look, you're catholic right?" I didn't wait for an answer, "Okay so I happen to know for a fact that your purpose on this planet is to procreate, as in have child. How the hell are you going to have kids without having sex?" I felt a little steamy, shocked at the ignorance of this girl.

Her eye's watered, and she stood quickly collecting her things. Looking down at my, her face suddenly became enraged

"One, I went to Catholic school for thirteen year, two you don't know anything about who I am or what my beliefs are, and three I think the reason Edward doesn't talk about you is because you're a bitch!" She yelled.

My mouth hung open and room became quiet. I watched in awe as she stormed out of the front door, leaving a trail of fire behind her.

"Wow," I breathed.

I was brought out of my shell shocked state, only when my phone started to vibrate, skidding across the table.

Hitting call I was met with the words of a very irate little woman. "Where the hell is my coffee Bella?!"

After finally dropping of Alice's lukewarm coffee, and getting a good five minute long lecture, I atlas made it to work.

"Sorry I'm late Char, did I miss any calls?" I spoke to my secretary.

Charlotte Weaver was a tall woman, with blazing red hair, and an attitude that I didn't want to get on the bad side of. Other then Alice and Rose, Charlotte was the only thing I had to a close friend. Being completely honest, she scared the hell out of me though.

"Uh, one from Charlie asking if he can get out of that last suit fitting, one from Mike's brother asking if he can get a stripper for the bachelor party, and two from a guy named…Edward?" She looked at me.

I sighed, "Okay, no, no, and don't even ask." I said grabbing the color coded note cards she'd outlined for my speech, for today's meeting.

"Okay, whatever you say boss lady. Oh one more thing," I looked at her, "there's some big hairy guy in your office. He keeps mumbling to himself. I though he looked like someone you might know, so I let him in." She smiled evilly at me and jerked her head towards the door, than went back to answering a ringing phone.

"I really don't need this right now. I better be getting the world's best wedding present for what you put me though." I made my way towards my office door.

Charlotte laughed and continued her work.

I open the door, to find Emmett spinning at a rapid pace in my large, leather, swivel chair.

"Emmett!" I yelled, and he abruptly stopped the circling.

"Bella! I've been waiting for you for like an hour, where have you been?"

"I got…hung up. What are you doing here Emmett?" I took at deep breath and tried to find some kind of normalcy in this day, starting with downing the rest of my now chilled, herbal tea.

He jumped up from the chair and paced nervously towards the window. "I need your help." He spoke softly, cracking his knuckles out of habit. I cringed at the sound.

"Okay, with what?" I took a seat in the black leather couch by the door.

"Um," he took a shaky breath, "I have a name…I mean for the baby." He sighed finally getting it out. His shoulders shrugged in relief.

"That's it?!" I didn't mean to yelled, but my tone came off sharp and unwelcoming.

"What do you mean that's it? I've been a nervous wreck all weekend trying to tell Rosalie, and when I come to find help from my best friend I get yelled at!" He stomped his foot like a five year old against the carpeted floor.

I sighed and rose from my seat fed up with the interruption, "Okay, Emmett we can talk about it, but not right now. I've got tons of work to do before I can even think about leaving for my honeymoon." Grabbing his arm forcefully, using all the might I had, I dragged him to the door.

"But Bella!" He yelled as I slammed the door in his face.

"Ah!" I cried out loud and crumbled into my chair, trying to rub the stress from my temples. This day was turning out to be impossible. I'd be lucky if I got anything accomplished this entire week.

Just as I was about to dig into a pile of growing articles, my phone rang.

"What!" I yelled down the receiver, no caring at the moment who might be on the other line.

"Hey Bella babe, angry sounds sexy on you. What's eating you? Besides my brother that is…" Jace Newton snickered.

As future brother-in-laws go, Jace could possibly be the worst trade off within this marriage. He was two years older then Mike, but acted about six years younger then him. At the ripe age of twenty eight, he is a part time bar owner, full time smart ass. He couldn't keep a girlfriend for more then three weeks because it "violated man code" whatever that meant.

Because of this so called "man code" Jace had been making my life a living hell for the last five years. His hatred has progressed to irritating love since he realized that his brother was serious about tying the knot with yours truly. I am starting to think I like being hated better then loved.

"So doll face, your bitch told me that you said no to the stripper." I could hear the bells and whistles of a pin ball machine in the background.

"Jace, first I have a name, second my 'bitch' has a name as well, and no she's not available. Third no, means no, if you can't comprehend that get a dictionary!" I was on my last straw and talking to Jace was burning the fuse short.

The call waiting button flashed on my phone and I practically growled.

"Jace, go get a dictionary, I'll be right back."

Taking a deep breath I put Jace on hold and answered the other call. "Good morning, Isabella Swan," I answered as perky as possible.

"Hello Ms. Swan, my name is Rachel Marsh; I'm a journalist at Seattle Magazine. I am in Seattle for the week and I just happen to see you're face on an issue of the _Seattle Times_. It's correct that you are indeed the editor?" The women asked politely.

I had to sit back in my chair for fear that I might fall over.

"Yes that's true, for the last year now. How may I be of service to you Ms. Marsh?"

"Well I read the article about your upcoming wedding. I wanted to know if you would possibly be interested in doing an interview for our next issue."

I stared opened mouthed at the wall in front of me.

"Pardon?" I managed to squeak out, not sure if she was on the phone with the right person.

"Would you like to be in Seattle Magazine?" Yes, I had heard it right.

Sitting speechless for the next minute, a million responsive ran through my mind, but I was only able to whisper a hoarse, "I…I loved to."

I hung up, only after setting up an appointment with her for the next day.

Putting Jace back on the phone I was met with the sound of him in the shower, grunting and calling out my name. I hung up before it got too graphic, and made sure to leave a note for Mike saying I wasn't going to be hugging his brother at the reception.

"Charlotte! Guess who's going to be in the next Settle magazine?" I screamed stepping out of my office.

"Who?" Asked the tall, dark, and handsome man leaning against the opposite wall.

That's defiantly not Charlotte.


	5. Mr Tall, Dark, & Furious

**Chapter 5**

**Mr. Tall, Dark, & Furious **

_Sitting on the Cullen's front porch, I felt the warm breeze run through my hair. It was nearing the end of summer, and the closer it came, the more nervous I got. _

_Even now, we where merely a mouth away from the wedding, and I hadn't even tried on a wedding dress, let alone figure out who was coming. All my friends had sort of ditched me when they found out I was taking the marital road ahead of an education. _

_At night when Edward had finally left and Charlie was out for the count, snoring like a giant, I would weep thinking about all the experiences I knew I was going to miss. _

_I would never get to live in a dorm, at least not one with a roommate. I would live with my _husband_. Even saying the word now when it was so close to reality, made a shiver fly down my back, my stomach clench in knots, and my brain wobbled around in confusion. _

_I loved Edward Cullen, that much was true, but I wasn't sure even now, if I was ready to be a Mrs. Cullen. I had plans of sitting in a library all night, not tucking babies in. I wanted to laugh with my roommates, not fool around with my husband. Most importantly I wanted to be taught, not loved. _

_I couldn't even bring myself to open the Vogue magazine sitting next to me on the porch swing. Alice had insisted, complaining that if we didn't order a dress this week it would be too late. Esme and Carlisle, even after much protest, has demanded that they pay for the dress. _

_If I had it my way Edward and I would go down to City Hall tomorrow in our matching Nirvana t-shirts and favorite jeans. _

_Strike that….if I had my way we wouldn't be getting married at all. We'd go to college, get practical jobs that don't involve Edward's stupid band, and then once we both had a steady paycheck, and growing bank accounts, we'd get married. _

_But no, Edward keeps saying that 'it will all be so much better'. But how, is what I want to know?_

"_Bella?" _

"_Speak of the Devil," I whispered under my breath. _

"_Alice told me you'd be out here. Have you found a dress yet?" Edward's concerned face scrunched up when he caught sight of my paled complexion. "What's wrong babe?" He asked. _

_Sitting down next to me on the swing, I pulled my legs to my chest and stared out into the open meadow that surrounded the Cullen homestead. _

_Taking a breath I finally managed to speak. "I'm just a little overwhelmed. I just don't like the idea of a wedding, it makes me feel old." It was part way true. _

_Edward was now the one to stare in confusion at me, then turned his gaze towards the woods, his mind s wondering. _

_I watched intently as he met my eyes, his thought no longer lingering. He picked up the magazine that sat between us and flipped to a page that Alice had dog tagged. _

_Placing it down on my lap he stood. _

"_You'll look beautiful in white," he spoke before kissing my head and heading back inside. _

_I felt the tears run down my face before I actually registered why. Then it hit me. _

_Edward just shut me out. He didn't care about what I wanted. What he said was final, I didn't get a say. Now that I think about it, he's never given me a say. _

_Catching my breath, I rubbed at my dampened cheeks furiously. Enraged, I ran from the porch as the first rain drop fell from the darkening clouds in what would be one of the last summer thunderstorm. _

_In the safely of my old beat up truck, I pulled a white envelope from the pocket of my denim shorts. _

_I smiled down at the official Yale letter heading. This was what I wanted. _

_This time Edward is the one who doesn't get a say. _

Present Day…

That moment in my life was the first time I had ever decided to stand up for something. And staring at the same boy who took all my freedom, I didn't feel an ounce of pity for him.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing here?" My day had been long and it was barely eleven o'clock, it wasn't going to get any shorter especially with Edward standing outside my door.

"You've been ignoring my phone calls." He stated.

The smirk on his face was irritating, and if I where him I'd run if he wanted to keep that smart mouth of his in place.

"For good reason, I'm busy, what do you want?" I could feel my stomach churning again.

"Okay, _Bells_, may I come in?" He motioned to my open office door.

"Fine," I said through gritted teeth.

I dug my trimmed nails deep into my malleable flesh, trying my best not to send the letter opener on my desk through his chest.

_Deep breath's Bella. _

Taking my seat, Edward plopped down onto one of the plush chairs that faced my desk.

"Nice place you got here Swan." He let out a low whistle.

"It's what happens when you find a _successful _career." I smiled widely at him, and then averted my eyes to my cell phone that started vibrating again.

"Shit," I muttered before answering the phone.

"Baby, hanging up on your brother isn't a very good way to welcome him to the family." Jace complained.

I sighed and turned my chair, so my back was facing Edward. His incessant smirking was becoming both a distraction and a source of irritation.

"Jace I really can't talk about this matter right now." I hissed into the phone.

"Why not babe!" He asked sounding playfully hurt.

"I'm with….a _client_ right now." I whispered into the phone. "I got to go."

"But what about the-" he began.

"No Jace! No strippers, I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone only to hear the quiet chuckle of my 'client'.

Edward, I noticed for the first time, was wearing a neat, tailored, navy blue suit. An outfit that the Edward I used to know, would never even glance at, let alone wear. Junior prom was the only time I'd ever seen him clad in something other then a t-shirt and jeans. Just looking at his crossed legs and shiny shoe's made me make a double take; to be sure I was still looking at Edward.

"See something you like Ms. Swan?" He broke me from my daze before I could realize I was actually gawking at the man.

I cleared my throat and felt the blood rush to my face. I bit my lip nervously as my stomach did another acrobatic flip.

"I'm just a little stunned to see you even own a suit." I shot back trying to claim some kind of creditability.

"You'd be surprised how much I've grown up as well Isabella," he said, leaning in closer.

"So you're telling me that you didn't make your fortunes from your punk ass band?" I mocked, shuffling a pile of papers into a manila folder.

I was the one who got to see him gawk this time, but soon he had wiped the startled expression from his face.

"Music yes, band no," He frowned, glancing out the window, as if he could see into the future that he might have had.

I smiled knowing all about the endeavors that Edward had taken in the last five years. He'd went to college like his father wanted him too, got a entry level job, climbed his way to the top, and with a few bank investments bought out the country's largest music franchise.

Cullen Industries did everything from record production, to selling out stocks of million dollar, one of a kind instruments. Almost hard to believe that the nineteen year old that used to sit in his room till three in the morning trying to rhyme the word "orange" with something, could have that much potential.

What really puzzled me though was what happen those two years between when I ended our _relationship _and he had come to visit me at school. I knew about that mental help he was getting, but not much more.

I wish the creases in his forehead would tell me the story that was so obviously etched into his face.

I couldn't help but smile, "I'm trying as hard as I can not to say I told you so," I laughed, but his eyes grew cold.

"How could I forget? You only told me everyday since I was seventeen that I'd never make it. It's something that you've helped burn inside the back of my scull. You've marked me Isabella." He was leaning in again, and I tried the best I could to avoid his intense eyes.

I'd never heard silence quite as loud as I did at this very moment. Electricity buzzed around us, and for a moment I almost thought about reaching over and gliding my hand gently down his smooth cheek.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but that's not quite the case." I found myself saying, even though it was only supposed to be a thought.

"Indeed Isabella, indeed." Our eyes met for a slip second, and then the sadness melted away. The current between us was gone, the air lighter. "Tell me what the great and powerful Isabella Marie Swan has been up to for the past decade." He commanded.

I motion around the office, "Getting my degree in journalism, taking a job here, and then becoming editor. Just like I planned." I stated, fidgeting in my leather chair under the pressure of his stare.

I watched now as his glistening orbs grew a dark jade color. "Just like you planned…" He whispered, like it wasn't meant for my ears.

I was lost for a moment in the way his gaze held mine so tight in it's trap, never allowing me to break free. That is till my phone rang…again.

Without breaking the trance of our eyes, I hit call and held the phone to my ear.

"Hello," I asked.

"Bella, where did you put that tie that was laying on my floor yesterday?" My fiancé asked in an out of breath voice. Several seconds past before I could blink and look away from Edward.

"Um, I don't know Mike, did you try checking the laundry?" I replayed in a sarcastic tone.

"Why would you put it in the laundry?" He yelled and started to run around the room again.

"Generally clothing that has been left on the floor is considered dirty, and therefore must be washed. Dirty tie on floor equals laundry basket darling." Rolling my eyes I find Edward still staring at me, vexation gracing his features. All these emotions are giving me whiplash.

"Bella I have a huge client coming to the office in half an hour and I'm not even ready, because you thought it necessary to put my tie in the laundry!"

Letting out a giant rush of air I slid down my chair and yanked at my hair in frustration.

"Well don't leave clothes on the floor if you don't want them washed! Good luck with the client!" I huff and slam the phone back into the receiver.

"Trouble in paradise?" The man sitting across from me poked at my wounds.

Glaring his way I found myself extremely tired of our witty banter. "What do you want Edward. I'm busy, and personally I wouldn't be criticizing my relationship when you have problems of your own."

His lips pressed into a thin line. "And how would you know about _my_ relationship?"

I smirked this time, "let's just say word travels fast." I can't help but think back to the blonde catholic girl I'd met today in Starbucks.

The game was over between us, now the war was about to start.

"I simply came to ask if you and your fiancé would like to join Aurora and I for dinner." His invite wasn't very welcoming, considering he spoke through clenched teeth.

I thought for a minute then laughed, "I'll consider it Eddie, but I'm not sitting next to someone named after the northern lights, and you have to ask Mike yourself because he's kinda pissed at me right now."

He blanched again. "How did you know she was….never mind!" He stood and was out the door before I could ever stand.

I sat back staring at the closing door, thinking about a different day when Edward had stormed away from his problems. That lead me to think about the day _I _stormed away from him and that precious diamond ring.

~ ooOoo ~

Finally after a grueling eight hours of spell checking, finalizing print authorizations, and dodging calls from Jace, I was heading home for a night of nothing but hopefully a foot massage.

The office was starting to clear out as I finally turned off my computer and switched of the lights. Charlotte was leaning against her desk waiting patiently so we would walk out together. She snapped a piece of bright pink bubble gum and smiled at me.

"So how was your day?" She asked, as if she hadn't spent her day planning my own.

"Stressful," I said still trying to rub away the dull ache from my temples.

"Would that have something to do with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome?" She playfully elbowed me.

"Ugh, let's not even talk about Edward." I begged.

"Fine, but don't think I didn't check out his fine ass as he made is speedy get away from your office." She laughed and I couldn't help but join in.

"He does have a nice butt doesn't he?" I continued to giggle feeling the sleep deprivation starting to take over my emotions as we entered the elevator.

"Hmm, if I didn't have Paul I would have been all over him. But supposedly there's something against sleeping with other men when you're married." Her sarcastic tone brightened my day.

"I've heard that."

We walk almost the entire away together, until the intersection splits us apart. I take Madison and she heads onto Second Street.

The cool night air sends a shiver up my legs, but persuades me into taking a large breath. The sweet aroma of the bakery and the bitter sent of coffee lingers together in a scent that can only be familiar to a true Seattleite.

The sight of my Victorian brownstone apartment complex was the best I'd seen all day. I could just picture a hot cup of tea and a warm bubble bath waiting for me inside.

Entering the elevator I let out the breath I had been holding for what seems like all day. I let my shoulders shrug, my bag fall to the floor, and the composed expression fell from my face. As the car moved closer towards the third floor, I allowed the exhaustion to hit home.

My feet dragged against the carpet, my high heels neither feeling sexy or professional anymore. I could only make it halfway down the long hall till I dropped and tore the death traps from my feet.

Shoes in hand I finally reached my door, only to find it creaked slightly ajar. _Great I got robed!_ Was my first thought, but as a opened the door and took my first step onto the hard wooden flooring, voices echoed down the hall and into my ears.

"So she told you then?"

_What the hell is Edward doing in my apartment! Is he stalking me or something? _

I remained silent, listening intently to get an idea of who he was talking to.

"Yes," it was Mike. His stern voice was one I could pick out from a crowd of Ivy League lawyers.

"Even about…" The silence stretched on for what felt like forever.

"You mean how you almost succeeded in raping her, hospitalizing her, or how she's ingrained you into her beautiful mind so that every night she's afraid to go to sleep because she thinks she'll see you again?" Mike screamed.

I shrank back against the closet door, pulling it open, and burying my head among the rack of coats. Mike's pain radiated through the apartment, piercing my heart. My legs started to shake.

"She has nightmares?" Edward's voice was weak.

"Nightmares? You're not worthy of being in a nightmare, their fucking night _terrors_." My fiancé hissed. "She can't sleep a wink without those stupid pills, and even then she only makes it halfway through the night before the screaming starts." His voice was chilling, I felt my eyes widen in shock.

_Mike knew about my nightmares?_

I tried to pay attention to the conversation going on between my fiancé and ex fiancé, but my brain was to busy trying to figure out how Edward knew where I lived, how Mike knew about my terrifying dreams, and how to get my legs to stop shaking long enough to untangle them from god knows what was holding them captive.

"Is that what she meant by medical issues, she has insomnia?" Edward snapped back.

I jumped at the sound of shattering glass, but only for a second did I worry if it was my grandmother's china vase, before Mike was yelling again.

"You're one hell of an idiot, you know that? You come here unannounced, ruining Bella's bridal shower, just so you can pick up where you left off ruining her life seven years ago. She's the most fucked up, gorgeous women I've ever meet, and now I find that the reason she's fucked up is because of some bastard who molested her."

Tears started to stream down my face, but I bit back the urge to wail out and fling myself from the closet and into Mike's arms. Shoving my hand over my mouth I leaned in towards the crack of light that streamed in from the hall.

"She's on every medication from here to New York, something to calm her anxiety, to help her sleep, to stop the deterioration of her immune system, to stop an ulcer the size of fucking Montana from growing any bigger. She's fucked up and you don't get to be here to see the aftermath. I'm marrying her on Sunday, and I will _never_ fuck up something that precious to me." The last words I barely caught, as his voice grew into a whisper, and eventually died.

I leaned in, almost touching the door with my ear, craving dearly to hear Edward's response. Just as he took a breath, I lost my footing on an old umbrella and tumbled through the door and out onto the floor.

"Ouch!" I winced holding my now bleeding arm.

"Bella!" Both Mike and Edward yelled rushing to my aid.

Brushing off my dress, I slapped Mike away from me insisting I was fine. After ten minutes of convincing him he didn't need to call an ambulance, Mike finally helped me bandage up my arm- kissing the white gaze for a quick recovery.

Edward sat on the white couch in my living room, the one by the bay window that I loved so much to read in. He rested his elbows on the base of his legs, and pulled nervously at his locks of bronze hair. In the few but memorable years I spend as Edward Cullen's 'girlfriend' I had come to recognize the telltale sings of his emotions.

Pulling of the hair ranked as the nervous habit, smirks equaled a good mood, wicked smiles never ended well in anyone's favor, and white knuckled, balled fists _always_ ended in some kind of fight.

"Bella, what the hell where you doing in the closet?" He asked, his head snapping up, his gaze train on my mended arm.

I quickly looked around for broken glass, begging the heavens that my Grandmother's vase was still in one piece on the mantel place. To my surprise it was still sitting in it's spot reflecting the sunlight off it's glistening smooth surface. My coffee table lap on the other hand hadn't been so lucky.

Mike took my hand and led me to the opposite couch, the one that was good to sit in to view a sunset or the night stars, but not very pleasant for reading.

Refusing to look anywhere but his eyes I decided to play it cool, "What are you doing in my apartment is the better question?" I asked raising an eyebrow in his direction.

"I was just….." He fumbled for the right words, and Mike started to rub small circles against my spine.

"He was just coming to invite us to dinner," Mike interjected saving Edward from his own nonexistent answer.

"Dinner?" I questioned.

"Yes, I told him we'd join him and…Aurora was it, for dinner tonight."

Mike never ceased to amaze me. His calm façade was impeccable and if not for his flushed red cheeks and the burning fury in his eyes, I would have never known he had been screaming at Edward no more then ten minutes ago.

I felt like I was watching a game of ping pong as I twisted my head from side to side, trying to catch every glance that Edward threw Mike, and vise versa.

In the end I guess they worked something out through silent 'guy talk', because Edward stood.

"I'll see you both at seven then." That was what he said before leaving my apartment taking the ominous feeling in the air with him.

Two hours later, I found myself sitting in front of my ex fiancé and his new fiancée, with my fiancé at my side, who was holding his fiancée's hand.

The smell of fresh sea food and bitter garlic filled the air of the coast side bistro. I, wearing my favorite floral, pink sundress from Florence sipped quietly from my glass of ice water. I felt at home and uncomfortable all at the same time.

I couldn't help by feel Edward's green eyes boring into my skin, as I examined a nonexistent stray thread on the table cloth. Aurora's glare was just as perturbing, I guess she's not one to forgive and forget things. Mike's warm hand interlocked with my own, was the only thing that kept me from jumping out of my seat and heading for the car.

"So Aurora, where are you studying?" Mike was once again my hero, and the best icebreaker I knew.

I quickly glanced in her direction only to find a soft face with little makeup and a warm smile, no anger, no glares, just kindness.

_How is she with Edward again? _

"Oh, I'm currently attending Duquesne University in Pennsylvania." She smiled turning her gaze quickly to Edward, as if to find his approval, but he was still staring at me.

For a moment I saw the disappointment flash across her eyes. It brought me back to a time when I was an insecure, adolescent girl looking for that same longing of approval from my older, much cooler boyfriend. I couldn't help be stare at this girl, taking on a new view of her.

"Pittsburgh, lovely city, what are you studying?" Mike continued.

She smiled, but it didn't touch those blue doe eyes. I felt my heart breaking, my breath becoming rapid, my stomach clenched in pain.

"Bella," someone called, but I was to busy staring into a pair of glassy blue eyes.

Glassy, pure, innocent….green, fire, hatred. No longer did Aurora's eyes meet mine, but a pair of burning emerald orbs now held my gaze.

"Bella, did you hear what I said?" Mike's hands pressed firmly into my shoulders, turning my body to face him. "Bella, darling can you hear me?" His voice grew panicky.

I shook my head back and forth, trying to clear the clouds surrounding my mind. How easily distracted I was suddenly getting.

"Bella!"

"Oh, um, sorry what were you saying?" I smiled half heartily, trying to cover up my day dreaming.

Moving his hand down to my thigh he smiled and turned the conversation back to Aurora.

"So where are you planning to go with a law degree."

_Law? Little Ms. Perfect is getting her law degree?_

Mike and Aurora chatted on till our meal came, but my stomach was too busy flipping and flopping to worry about the crab legs that sat in front of me. Even Seattle's best, and most fresh sea food, couldn't keep the atmosphere around me from feeling any less foreign. I might as well be in Holland.

"Something wrong with the food?" Edward whispered from across the table, Mike and his fiancée engrossed in some kind of court file he had uploaded to his phone.

His smirk mocked me, his eyes teased me, and my blood boiled under my skin.

"So Aurora, I just wanted to apologize for this morning, I was just a little grouchy, you know how it is." I spoke loudly, never breaking Edward's gaze.

There was a hesitant silence, and something vehement twinkled in Edward's eyes.

"Oh, it's alright Bella, I should be the one apologiz-" She started.

"You two have met before?" Edward interrupted placing his hand dominantly on Aurora's slender shoulder.

Her eyes dropped to her half cleared plate, and I couldn't help but wonder if there was a reason she was this skinny. My heart beat was pounding loudly in my ears.

"Just once, this morning actually. Anywho Bella, it was really my fault. After I left I thought about what you said, and I realized…you're right." She spoke softly, and her childish words made Mike chuckle.

Edward now pulled both her shoulders so that her frame was facing him, and away from the table. Mike's hand tightened it's hold on my thigh. I myself clenched my fists round the table cloth.

"Right about what?" He nearly growled.

Thinking quickly I blurted out the only thing I could think of, the truth. "Your sex life," I said just a bit too loud for an intimate restaurant setting.

The room grew quiet, a few people stared, Edward gave me a glare that made me thankful that looks couldn't kill, and Mike started to chuckle as my cheeks flushed pink.

"Excuse me?" He hissed across the table, letting go of Aurora's body.

"Well, she told me about your problem, and I'd have to say I did get a little harsh with her, but you have to be prepared in a situation like your own." I couldn't believe the bull that was flying from my mouth.

Mike was practically in tears, heaving over the side of the table holding onto his stomach for dear life. I became worried he might drop over from laughing too hard.

"I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk about anything I'd be happy to assist the two of you." I smiled weakly, my face growing impossibly hotter.

"What would you know about my sex life, let alone the act of sex itself!" Edward practically screamed.

His face was scrunched in anger, he pulled at the wild locks on his head, and was clenching his teeth together so hard I thought he might combust. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips at his questions.

Mike took the silence as his way to queue himself back into the ridiculous conversation.

"You'd be surprise man," he broke into a roar of laugher and I mentally tried to count how many drinks he had had in the past hour and a half.

Aurora joined the giggling and before anyone of us could control it Edward was slamming his fists down on the table. The glasses clanked together, water sloshed over the edge, and we all stopped to stare at him- holding in the laughter the best we could.

"_Isabella, could I speak with you for a moment?"_ His hissed through gritted teeth.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded, but only before grabbing my glass of wine and slurping it down in one gulp.

Grabbing my wrist forcefully, he dragged me back past the bathrooms and into a dark hallway that was illuminated by a single dull light.

I was too busy trying to distinguish the image printed on the burgundy wallpaper to notice that Edward had stepped closer towards me. Our bodies were mere inches from touching.

I squinted into the darkness, waiting for his anger to bubble over the edge, sending me into the closest wall with it. But when he spoke it was nothing but a low hiss.

"_What does he mean Bella?" _

Snapping my head up, I stared into his now almost black eyes.

"Who? Mike?" I questioned, reevaluating what this fight was actually about.

"Yes, _Mike!_" His voice, meant to threaten, only brought a smile to my face.

Somehow this conversation, which I had started by mentioning his sex life, has become about my sex life. Edward freaking Cullen is mad about _my_ sex life? What kind of alternate reality is this?

I had the urge to check over my shoulder and make sure Mike wasn't standing there with a butter knife before I closed the space between us and placed my hand daintily on his chest.

"What are you trying to ask Edward?" I practically purred. My inner vixen has come out to play, kicking Bella the bookworm out of her comfy couch to make way for a stripper pole.

He blinked rapidly, staring at my hand as I traced small patterns across his chest. I almost lost my concentration as I continued to look into those dark green pools.

"What would you know about sex?" He growled, breaking out of my vixen's spell.

Even sexy Bella couldn't keep up with the ruthless Edward. But I composed my smile, although all I really wanted to do cry and run into Mike's waiting arms- I always knew that _those_ arms would only ever bring security.

Lowering his head he met my gaze straight on, as if he was picking through my soul itself. He must not have found anything he liked, because a low rumbling started to escape from his pursed lips.

"You didn't," He nearly snarled in my face.

Letting my hand slid down his chest and out of his iron grasp, I let my smiled shrink down into a small smirk- much like the one's I'd had become so accustom to see playing on Edward's face.

"Hmm," I hummed, "that's something else I'll let Mike answer." I giggled and made my way back the way we had come.

I felt his gaze boring into my back as I walked away, and the strangest sensation crawled up my spine causing my lips to fall open and my legs to wobble.

Finally back at the table, Mike had managed to stop his incessant chuckles and Aurora was still picking at the rice on her dish. Edward shifted uncomfortably in his chair jerking his gaze between me and Mike, whose hand once again resided on my leg.

"Well it's been great getting together, it will be awhile before we seen anyone after Sunday." Mike grinned at me, squeezing my thigh.

"_Five day"_, I mentally noted.

"Oh! Where are you two honeymooning!" Aurora almost fell out of her chair in excitement in the mention of the wedding.

I frowned and pouted in Mike's direction, "Well, Mike knows, but he has decided to leave me completely in the dark. We could end up in Antarctica for all I know!" I throw my arms up in the air, slumming back into my seat.

"How romantic," Aurora said as we rose from our table and headed towards the door, the evening finally over.

I took a deep breath of fresh, salty air as we made our way out of the restaurant and into the open Seattle night.

"It was so nice to see you again Bella, and Mike it was a pleasure to meet you. We have to do this again soon." Aurora hugged me lightly and Mike chivalrously kissed the back of her hand- such a gentlemen.

Edward didn't say a word, nor did he make a move to say any type of goodbye. I gave my number to Aurora and told her to call me anytime for a cup of coffee, or maybe a shopping trip.

Surprisingly, I was beginning to like this girl; she reminded me a great deal of myself when I used to fill the shoes of Edward Cullen's girlfriend.

"That would be fabulous! I just love you're outfits, I mean look at your dress. It's beyond gorgeous." She gushed, staring at my dress.

"Oh, I actually got it on a trip Mike and I took to Florence last summer."

The smile I wore instantly fell from my face when I glanced at Edward. His nineteen year old voice flooded back into my ears.

"_Oh, hay babe, so I was thinking, do you want to make a stop in Florence while we're in Italy?"_

_Florence_…

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Hope you loved it. You know what I love? Reviews. Have a great FRIDAY FRIDAY! ;)

~Fran


	6. Seven Years of Never

**Chapter 6**

**Seven Year of Never**

"_Are you sure you have to go in there?" Mike's somber voice rings through the silence. _

_The campus has long been deserted for summer break; only half of the school is still in operation for the overachieving, graduate students looking to lessen their lengthy curriculum. _

_The air is warm and sticky, the humidity making it unbearable to set foot anywhere that isn't cooled by an air conditioner. The dark clouds that loom overheard cast a shadow across the pavement, creating an eerie darkness. _

_My mouth has gone dry and I try to swallow, "I'll just be a minute." I tell him. _

_Stepping out of the car, a thick cloud of hot, moist air smacks against my body, a sweat drop runs down my spine. I take a deep breath and make my way up the two flights of what seems like a hundred steps. _

_Passing the large brass sign that labeled my sophomore dorm 'College Place' I no longer felt it's invitation of home. Instead the familiar sign had taken on a gothic twist. It's words now seemed to mock my return, snaring after me as I dashed towards the unlocked doors. _

_Entering the abandoned building is like having all the air sucked from your lungs as you travel through a bone dry desert. The air is thick like smog, the ventilation systems have been turned off for the season. The smell of chemical cleaner layers a rancid aroma, almost suffocating me when I take a breath. _

_The walls are bare, having been recently stripped of their once colored flyers and posters. Despite the stifling temperature, the brick wall was cool to the touch. Only the light streaming in from the windows brings any kind of illumination to the dark halls. _

_After what seemed like a three hour wait for the elevator, and an even longer trek down floor three's hall, I finally stand in front of my old dorm room. _

_The door stood wide open, allowing any by passer to see the contents- or rather the lack of contents, which furnished the small twenty by twenty foot dorm room. It seems like an eternity since I'd spent an all nighter in the room with Angela, although it was just two weeks ago. _

_I trailed my fingers along the plain wall next to the door, where Angela's periodic table of Yale, once hung. _

_The air around me seemed to grow colder, but the chill brought no relief to the sweat that poured down my back. Instead a stream of shivers trail down my back. My hands started to shake and I suddenly jumped at the sound of the dorm door slamming shut behind me. _

_I let out a high pitched squeak that vibrated off the walls and back into my ears. _

_A crake of thunder finally gave way to a down pour of water, and a streak of lightning lit up the room for a second before fading back into the darkness. _

_The silence screamed out at me, and I felt like screaming back just to hear something other then my labored breathing. _

_Just as the thought left my head, a light knock sounded from behind the door. _

_Snapping my head around, I had to cover my mouth in preparation for the yelp that would have given away my position inside the room. _

_Being as quiet as possible, I started to make my way backwards, towards the only window that had become the only solace for Angela and me during the winter months. Just being able to see the white flakes of snow falling from the sky, reminded us that this wasn't an insane asylum. _

"_Isabella," A soft voice called from behind the closed door. _

_I collapse in front of the window at the sound of his voice. Tears quickly pooled in the corner of my eyes, and I pulled my knees desperately against my chest hoping that I would wake up to this bad dream sometime soon._

"_Bella, baby, won't you let me in. I don't bite." He chucked, and even through two inches of wood it sounded as if he was standing beside me. _

_With my eyes glued to the door, I watched, shaking, as the knob turned slowly around in a concentric circle one whole time, before it was pushed lightly open. _

_Edward's green eyes met mine, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. He squatted down in front of me. _

"_I've been looking for you." He said. _

_I watched in terror as his eyes turned suddenly from a friendly, bright green, to a black color so dark and firely it look like hell had just crawled through his soul and out his eyes. _

_My body shook so hard his face became distorted and blurry. I could hear the cry now coming from my mouth, but his smile just grew wider and wickeder then the devil's himself. _

"_Oh, Bella, I've missed you." He hissed. _

_Taking hold of my shoulders, he flings me off the floor and through the air. I land on my back atop my uncovered mattress. I call out in pain, and instantly roll over on my side, trying to rub away the pain that's radiating there. _

_Before I can react, Edward is on top of me, the mattress springs squeak in protest. My arms are trapped painfully underneath me, but the punch that lands between my jaw and temple helps me forget what really hurts, or who I even am for a moment. _

"_Edward!" I try to buck him off me, but it's useless, his weight his proportioned evenly, I'm paralyzed. _

_After three more blows to my head and an extra six to my abdomen, I stop resisting and keep my eyes trained on the white ceiling. _

"_Why so quiet baby, I love to hear your screams," he whispers harshly in my ear before biting at it roughly. _

_I just lay there, waiting for everything to unfold. First comes my clothes, he tears and rips at them, leaving nothing but shreds behind. Then his come, I don't remember him taking them off, but one minute he's clothed and the next his bare chest is pressed roughly against mine. _

_I don't know when I started to sob, it must have been somewhere between the tearing of my clothes to his last vicious thrust. I couldn't be sure due to the fact that whenever I opened my eyes it looked like I was riding a rollercoaster that was doing a 180° flip, or maybe it was the nauseous feeling I was getting from the aroma of blood that was lingering in the air, or maybe it was the fact that the blood was pouring from some laceration of sorts on my body. Either way I couldn't tell right from left, and then his beating began again. _

_Profanity spilled from his mouth with each blow of his fist. _

"_Bitch", "whore", "slut", all formed into hisses and screams as they leave his mouth. _

_I finally have the courage and strength to open my eyes one last time before I take what I'm sure is going to be my last breath. _

_My eyes are met with a bizarre scene. No longer are we lying on the bare mattress of my dorm room, but instead in a lavish bedroom with sage colored walls, and leather bound furniture. _

_I'm lying on a soft, lush, king sized bed just as vulnerable and uncovered as in the dorm. Edward is knelling over my upper torso, his knees positioned on either side of my pulsing hips. He's holding something in front of his face that reflects off his glassy, black orbs. _

_Staring at it I realize it's my long forgotten engagement ring, the simple 14 carrot diamond sparkles and glitters even in the pitch black of the room. _

_Lightening strikes again, his eye illuminated in a crazy way that chokes back my next set of wails. _

_Dropping it on my stomach he laughs and roughly grabs my chin, pulling me partially off the bed only to spat out in my face. _

"_Happy fucking anniversary Mrs. Cullen," he sneers before pulling his fist back and delivering the last blow that whisks me into a perpetual darkness. _

I'm startled awake by the sound of my own screams, as well as a piercing pain shooting up my back. My eyes are blurry, my face streaked with tears that are still running down my face.

The room is quiet now that I've manage to hold in the screeches that had been coming from my mouth a moment ago. My breathing is labored and once my vision clears I find the reason for my pain.

Looking at the twisted sheets soaked in sweat I find the path I'd taking as I fell out of bed, landing on my tailbone.

Untangling the sheets from my feet I pull my exhausted body against the side of the bed resting my head on the mattress. The room feels like it's a hundred degrees. My cotton nightgown, much like my sheets, is soiled in perspiration.

My body feels as if I just got done with a twenty four hour boxing match. Every bone in my body is pulsing, my blood pounding heavily in my ears. Hair sticks to the side of my face and I twitch uncomfortable sitting on the wooden floor.

With one last exasperated moan I manage to rip the sticky clothes from my body and pull my body back into bed before my eyelids slid shut.

I fall into a half sleep half daze where everything is black and noiseless. I can feel my body cooling into a chill that rakes is way down my body. Soon the tremors are too much for my mind to handle and I fall further into my own perpetual darkness.

"Bella!" Someone far away shouts my name, but it is too watered down to distinguish the voice.

"Bella, sweetheart, wake up," the soft voice begs

Somewhere far above the layers of clouds that seem to cover my body, I feel a faint touch on my face, or maybe my arm. I fight to find my way through the clouds and reconnect with my body.

"Bella, open your eyes," their soothing voice pulls me through the mist and I finally find my eyes.

"Oh thank god," a blurry Alice slaps her right hand against her chest.

"Alice," I try, but my throat is horse and I only manage the first syllable.

The feeling of deja vu hangs in the air. The feeling that I had once before waken up in a dark room, to find Alice…or maybe Rose, leaning over me begging for my eyes to meet theirs.

"Your neighbor called me, she heard you screaming." She answered my unspoken question.

After helping me in a pair of clean pajama's and forcing down three or four pills from the bottle labeled Lexapro, my head is clear enough to finally regurgitate back to Alice what had happened last night.

"I don't know where to start," I whisper and take a slow sip of tea.

Alice is seated across from me on the couch her hand placed protectively on my knee. Her usual flawless face is smuggled with sleep, dark circles stain her under eyes- a reminder that it was only five o'clock. She's clad in only a pair of holey sweatpants and a t-shirt five times too large that I can only guess it to be Jaspers. Her short hair sticks every which way, also a tale tell sign that she'd just rolled out of bed.

"Just start from where you can remember babe," he padded my knee and I grabbed her hand for some reassurance.

Taking a deep breath I tried my best to pull the dream from the dimmest corners of my mind.

"I...I was back at college, the summer after my sophomore year. Mike was waiting in the car and I was going to get something I'd forgotten in my dorm room. It was…dark, and then E-Edward was there." Without warning the tears started to prick along the sides of my eyes.

Before I could continue, the door to my apartment opened and in walked a disarranged Rosalie. Her hair wasn't any better then Alice's, a pair of fluffy white slippers were slid on her feet, and a worried grimace graced her face as she caught sight of me.

"Rose," I begin, but am stopped by the sudden wave of tears that give way as her arms wrap around my back and she pulls me into her lap, stroking my hair like a mother would her daughter.

"Hush baby, tell us what happen," settling my strangled cries long enough, I replayed the story back to my best friends

When I finished the room was silence, rain hit the window silently, sliding down the glass like the tears that spilled down my face.

When I met Alice's eye I found anger, Rosalie's filled with concern. I had taken refuge against her swollen stomach, listening intently to the gentle movements that were going on just beneath her skin.

Rose's fingers still ran through my hair when she broke the silence.

"You should talk to him," her voice as calm as an ocean breeze.

A gasp emitted from the other side of the couch, "What! You think she should take to him?" Alice harshly whispered.

"What else would you prescribe?"

"Well, I-I…she should talk to someone, anyone other then _him_." Alice hissed her own brother's name, as if he was the spawn of the devil himself.

"I think Rose is right," the words barely made a sound as they passed my through my lips.

Once again a profound silence filled the space around us, and suddenly my head felt like it was going to explode.

"Maybe a bath," I suggested.

Alice and Rose nodded and helped me from the couch- although Rose ended up needing more help then I actually did.

I watch soundlessly from the corner as Alice filled the vintage bar claw bathtub that I loved to fill to the brim after an exhausting day at the office. Sometimes if I was lucky Mike would even throw in a free back massage as I read Shakespeare's sonnets by candlelight.

Rose assisted me in the stripping of what little clothes I had on. The weight of a thousands demons flew from my shoulders as I immersed my war torn body into the lilac scented water. I couldn't help my let my eyes flutter shut and inhale the steam that rose from the boiling water.

Far away there was the sound of my doorbell and something about fetching me tea and let whoever it was in, followed by the click of the door.

Sliding just a bit further into the water to coat my shoulders I began to lose consciousness. I didn't fight, and soon the weightlessness of sleep loomed over my head again and I soon found darkness.

_The Bridal Chorus sounds from behind the large solid oak doors, my stomach is filled with butterflies and I'm beginning to feel practically weightless. _

"_Ready to go Ace?" Charlie whispers into my ear, his arm hooked with mine. _

_All I can do is smiled and nod as Alice and Rose drape the, white veil over my face, and kiss me for good luck. _

_The doors open and give way to my grand entrance; I can barely wait till my bridal party makes it down the aisle. Somehow my brain manages to tell my feet it's time to go, because before I know it we're halfway to the alter, and I can see Mike's back turned towards the priest. _

_In a blink of an eye-literally, I'm standing next to my soon to be husband. I'm suddenly cursing the veil that is hung in from of my face; it completely blocks my view of Mike. _

_I can't keep from crying as the ceremony comes to an end and we finally exchange our long anticipated 'I do's'. _

"_By the state of Washington, I now present you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." The priest says the words that I've been longing to hear since the day Mike proposed. _

_Mike slowly lifts my veil, and I'm thankful to finally be rid of it. Grabbing my face roughly, a pair of soft, plump lips crush against mine. I'm thrown by the stubble that scratches across my jaw line. _

_I let out an unexpected shriek when Mike bites down on my lip, I quickly jerk away._

_Just as I'm about to scold him for pulling such a stunt at our wedding, I'm met face to face with Edward. _

"_Edward," I whisper in disbelief. _

"_Smile baby," Grabbing me by the waist he yanks me against his side and a flash temporarily blinds me. _

_Spots speckle me vision and it takes a few blinks before I can see what's in front of me. No longer do a hundred rows of pews line each side of the church where we got married, but a dozen rows of white chair sitting in a lush meadow. The beautiful wood beams with painted angles that once hung over our heads is now replaced with a cloudless blue sky. _

_My one of a kind Vera Wang dress that I'd spent two months salary on, was gone, and in it's place, a spaghetti strap, white dress that could only fit the body of an eighteen year old perfectly. And indeed, I was no longer a fully developed twenty five year old; as I looked down I found my long forgotten awkward curves and shapeless chest. _

_At my side was my new 'husband' clad in a pair of Dockers, brown loafer, and a blue dress shirt- no tie. _

"_I proudly present the new Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen," the monsignor of Fork's only catholic church addressed us to the small audience. _

_Dropping the small bouquet of pink roses, trying my best to push Edward away, his grip only gets stronger, more forceful. _

"_Let go!" I scream at the top of my lungs. _

_I watch in horror as Edward's smile grows into a wicked grin so wide I feel like Alice faced against the Cheshire cat. _

_Pulling me as close to his face as possible without actually kissing me, he hisses his first words to me as husband and wife. "Never." _

"Bella!" A very watered down scream is diluted by the space around me.

My whole body feels flush, even my insides burn like I've swallowed a handful of fire.

"Oh my god, Emmett, do something!" The voice came again.

Everything happened so fast after that I barely remember anything but a pair of red hands staining my wet skin.

One minute I'm drifting in the darkness and the next I'm being ripped from the warm water that once encased my whole body by a pair of large, calloused hands.

"Bella!" There's a sharp pain radiating from the side of my face and I feel the heat spread from my cheek, down my bare chest, and shooting out my toes.

I manage to cough up an ounce of blood and about a liter of bathwater, before my brain checked back into reality.

In a voice barely higher then a hoarse whisper, I speak to the figures looming over me. "What happened to the door?"

I'm still lying naked on the floor, Emmett refusing to let me move even my head; we wait for Carlisle to make his arrival. I was starting to wonder who else we could invite to this little get together, when the doc himself rushes past the pile of splinters that Emmett had reduced my bathroom door too.

Taking one look at me, he sighed and exited back out from the way he came.

"You heard the man, I'm hopeless. Leave me hear to die." I dramatically throw the back of my hand flush against my forehead and pretend to faint.

Apparently Rose didn't find my joke too funny because the next thing I knew she was lecturing _once again_, the dangers of having a bathroom door that locked from the inside.

"Typical Bella, you almost drown to death in your own bathtub, and all you can do is lie here and make jokes." Alice joined in on Rose's rant and I giggled as Emmett rolled his eyes at the two of them.

When Carlisle walks back in he's carrying a large blanket I recognize from my hall closet.

"None of you even through to cover the naked girl?" he asked.

"Emmett was just enjoying the show," I smiled up at him.

* * *

I make everyone pinky swear that they will keep this _little_ incident between the five of us and no one will get hurt. Mike would have a stroke if he found out about the night terrors, and that's not including the near drowning experience.

"Bella, you really should go down to the ER, I'd just like to make sure you don't have any severe lung damage." Carlisle was practically begging me to check myself into any kind of health institution, I'm sure even a mental one would please him.

"As tempting as that sounds, I have this huge meeting today and I simply can't miss it. Dead or alive, I'm not going anywhere unless it's with a briefcase and my Blackberry."

Sighing for the hundredth time, he finishes packing his black, leather bag and escorts himself out of my apartment.

"One down three to go," I rub my sure to be baggy eyes in pure exhaustion from the days events, and it was only seven o'clock.

Walking leisurely back to the kitchen I find a none to happy Rosalie who had manage to apply a smudged layer of black massacre around the rim of her eyelids since the last time I'd seen her, a tried looking and still disheveled Alice, and a stoic Emmett who couldn't stop staring at my chest. Men.

"You know you guys don't have to baby sit me the rest of the day, I'm a grown women, I can take care of myself." I state, grabbing my reheated herbal tea off the counter.

It was momentarily silent, only the continuous drops of rain hitting the window allows for some relief to the growing tension in the air.

"Bella," Rose sighed. I watched carefully as she gently rubbed her large belly. "being pregnant has taught me that sometimes you can't always do what you want to do or what's easiest. Sometimes you have to do what's best for the other person." There was an awkward pause, her eyes looking anywhere but at my face.

I watch intently as Alice examined a perfect fingernail, and Emmett watches Rose's palm rub small circles on her stomach. A sick feeling entered my own stomach, grabbing hold of the counter with one hand my other balls into a fist.

"What do you mean?" I whisper across the room.

Finally lifting her head to meet my eyes, she picks up her pink, bejeweled cell phone from the table and presses a button, all without losing hold of my gaze.

I couldn't hear the rings, but the vibrations that pass through my body mock what I am sure Rosalie is listening to as she waits for the person on the other line to answer.

"Hello Edward, you and Bella need to have a little chat." Her eyes never fell from mine.

My mouth parts slightly, my breathing become shallow, I can feel my heart pick up speed and I feared an on coming heart attack. My eyes glaze over and all I could see are those dark green eyes as his fist slams into the side of my face.

"_Never_," I whispered to no one.


	7. Fucked Up

*As you can tell by the title, this chapter has some moderate swearing.*

**Chapter 7**

**Fucked Up**

Sitting in the living room, my hands clenched tightly in each other's grasp, I watched as rain ran down the pane of glass in front of me. My tea now laid abandoned and cold on the kitchen counter somewhere; the stream of forgotten tears began to fall from my glassy eyes again. And as all of this was occurring, Rosalie stood at the open door that led into my apartment having a quiet conversation with…him.

Their hushed whispers rang out like screams that flooded my ears. My gaze remains straight ahead, focused on the rain, but I remain blind to what is going on around me.

It's not long till I hear their footsteps enter from the hallway. My hands start to shake, even in the clutch of each other's grasps, they manage to quiver like the earth before it's about to be split in two from an earthquake.

I didn't know how close he was, but I could feel his presence. I had felt it for the last half hour, but now even more so that he was a mere three feet from me. I could smell the woody musk that came off of his body, the smell of the same clove soap he'd used since was fifteen, told me he had just showered.

I thought back a few hours ago when I was lying on the bathroom floor. I recalled watching Emmett's blood wash down the drain of my skin, leaving a pink stain around the rim where the water had settled. He hissed and groaned as Rose scrubbed his splintered skin with hand soap telling him to "suck it up". I felt a small twinge of guilty as I stared at his hand, which had been shoved straight through my oak door.

I wished now that I could go and stand in the cold rain. Maybe the Seattle water that fell from the looming clouds would be enough for my fucked up life to wash away like that blood. But even then I guess I'll always be left with that rose colored stain, always there, always looming like the clouds.

"Bella," Rosalie was waving a hand frantically in front of my face.

Reaching out quickly I grabbed her wrist, digging my nails deep into her creamy flesh. She sat down next to me and whispered calming words till I gave up and let go of her arm. She didn't even bother to look down at the deep marks that I left against her perfect skin. She continued to talk but I couldn't help but just stare at her arm as her broken flesh started to ooze a blackened shade of red.

"I'll call you in fifteen minutes. Bella?" She gently grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at her. "Bella, he won't hurt you. You're safe with him and I'll just be downstairs in my car."

With one last motherly kiss on the check and a whispered warning to Edward, who stood behind me, Rose left and I was alone with the man who had recently stared in my nightmares.

I kept my gaze on the rain that still pounded against the window, but it was impossible not to notice the striking young man that paced the few steps from the end of the hallway to the couch that sat across from me.

With a twitch of my vision I could be looking directly into his bright green eyes, though I continued to just stare. No longer did I see the rain, my sight blurred as my tear ran rampant down my face. What I lacked in sight was made up in my hearing, which allowed me to catch his small sigh.

"Bella?" He said so softly the words almost didn't reach their way across the three feet that separated us.

In the most unladylike act, I slid my sleeved arm across the runny fluid that dripped from my nose and eye sockets. Not caring anymore I sucked the rest of the snot back into my nose and hid my face against my knees.

"Isabella." He said. No longer a question, but more of a sad statement, my full name slid from his lips.

I've heard of a so called "snap" that drove some women to kill their husbands in the middle of the night taking their genitals as souvenirs, but at that moment something deep inside _me_ snapped.

Practically flying out of my seat I harshly pointed my figure in his direction and just started to scream.

At first nothing came out by sound, but then words started to manifest.

"Edward!" I shouted a few times tasting the vileness of it. "God! You really want to know why I'm so _fucked_ up?" I hissed and started pacing heavily across the room, my feet pounding against the hardwood.

His face was set with a shocked look. It only seemed to add fuel to my ever growing fire.

"You! You're the one who did it to me _Edward_! You knew just the right way to get inside my head and pull your little strings. And I was just a little bitch who went along with it, because I was so head over heels for you." My screaming turned to hissed whispers that felt even more menacing.

With a deep breath and a sharp tug of my hair I started back into him. "I have these dream about you all the time, do you know that? Even now I have these dreams that you trap me in a little room and beat the shit out of me before ripping all my clothes off and fucking me again and again, and again till my eyes finally close and pool of blood surround my dead body.

"But the new one, you'll love this, starts out as a pleasant dream. My wedding. I'm walking towards Mike one minute in the church, and the next you're there under an open sky standing in front of Monsignor George, in your parent's back yard." My whispers are so quiet I can barely hear myself over the sobs that are rumbling in my chest.

I wrap my arms around my middle and begin to rock back and forth on the heels of my feet. My lips form single words that have haunted me in year's worth of nightmares that left me a broken, fucked up, mess of a girl.

"Hits. Kicks. Hurt. Hurt. Tears. Tearing. Blood." Before I can stop myself my knees give out from under me and I'm in direct line for the hard floor.

Edward's surprisingly strong arm wrapped around my waist, affectively saving me from what would have been another hospital trip.

"Oh god Bella," He spoke into my hair and held me.

A sobbing emotional mess, I clung to his grey t-shirt and let it soak my tears up. His hands made small circular motions against my back, and I couldn't help to shiver at the odd feeling of having Edward hold me again. I cold feel his warm breath coat my ear in a tingling sensation.

When I felt his mouth open I wasn't sure what he was going to say to try and make my life any less effed up, but what did come out of his mouth brought everything to a standstill.

"_Crawl like ivy up my spine, through my nerves, and into my eyes cuts like anguish."_ The long forgotten sound of his velvety smooth voice filled my ear as he sang the song that we had once called "ours".

A gasp escaped my lips and the tingling encased my body in a shake that consumed me as a whole. Edward, however just continued to sing the sweet melody of _Sunshower_.

_Or recollections of better days gone by, but it's all right," _he sang softly into my ear, still sliding his hands up and down my back.

I was no vocal connoisseur, but Chris Cornell had nothing on Edward when it came to the way he could take a simple line of lyrics and make them roll of his lips like dripping honey out of a nest.

"_When you're caught in pain and you feel the rain come down, it's all right."_

He continued, and my body relaxed farther into his grasp. I couldn't help but remember how "our" song came to be.

_December 2002…_

_It was a late winter night, and the sun hadn't been out for days. Christmas had come and gone, leaving me with a few new sweaters to add to the ever growing pile in my closet, and a brand new radio courtesy of my mom's new fiancé, Phil. _

_It had only been a few months since me and Edward had started dating, but I was a little disappointed when he hadn't even bothered to acknowledge the music book I sent him. I knew how much he loved playing the piano, and when I saw that book in Fork's one and only book store, I thought it was perfect. _

_Little did I know that he would simply smile when I handed him the brightly wrapped present, completed with red ribbon and a card, and place the gift in his book bag before shuffling off to class. Since then I'd convinced myself that he wasn't really that into me. _

_My latest theory led me to the conclusion that he was just stringing me along as some practical joke. I mean seriously what was I thinking? He was the most popular upperclassman at Forks High, and who was I compared to him? Just some pathetic little girl who happened to fall down the steps just at the right moment he was walking past. I was nothing more then a pity date stung along for the amusement of seeing how he could toy with my emotions. _

_God, I was beginning to feel like Drew Barrymore in _Never Been Kissed_. I mean it's been two months and he barely goes any father in our physical relationship then holding hands. Am I that repulsive that he can't even bare to touch me?_

_With a large sigh I threw myself on my bed, cringing when the mattress creaked and groaned. _

"_Maybe I'm just too fat for him." I stated aloud before shoving a pair of headphones over my ears and switching on my radio, turning up the volume till I thought my ears might bleed. Thrusting my head harshly under one of my pillows I silently hoped I'd fall asleep and suffocate to death. _

_If I'm dead I don't to worry about looking like an idiot for actually believing Edward- freaking-Cullen would give me more then a glance. Groaning again I tried to focus on the song that rang through my headphone, nearly causing my eardrums to shatter. _

_It could have been hours or perhaps minutes that I laid there. But suddenly there was a soft tap on my exposed calf that sent a shiver up my spine and continued to radiate throughout the rest of my body. _

_Taking a deep breath I pushed the headphone away from my ears that immediately stared to buzz as my eardrums still vibrated from the pulsing music. Throwing the pillow off my head and snapping my gaze in the direction of the palm that was now lightly creasing my leg, I found the source of my distress. _

"_What are you doing here?" I gasped, still marveling in the essence that only Edward-oh-my-effing-god- Cullen could bring to a room. _

"_Bella," A crooked smile formed around my name and I couldn't help the ridiculous smile that rose on my face as our eyes locked. "Merry Christmas," he nearly whispered. _

_Before I knew it he pulled my body down the bed till I was seated on the edge of the mattress. With one knee on the ground and the other propped up he balanced a polished guitar on it._

_And with that he opened his mouth and began to sing. _

"_When you find your way, then you see it disappear, it's all right." I watched as his oh so kissable lips clung to each lyric and nearly passed out from the embarrassment of his romantic gesture. _

_My body felt like it was encased in flames the burned low and slow. As he continued the most brilliant cover I'd ever heard of _Sunshower_, I couldn't help but stare at his mouth. _

"_Though your garden's grey I know all your graces someday will flower in the sweet sunshower." He plucked the last note and slowly put down his guitar. _

_The room was silent, but not awkwardly so. No, it was a heated silence that filled ever corner to the brim with budding lust, and I swear to god if dad walks through that door in the next five minutes I'll never talk to him again. _

"_Isabella, may I kiss you?" His chivalrous question sent sparks through my body and I thought my stomach my burst any moment, releasing a thousand butterflies. _

_Wide eyed and hormone crazed, I leaned in and smashed my lips to his before he finally realized that he wasn't at Tanya Denali house and instead about to kiss an ugly duckling. _

_To my surprise he kissed back. Quite well I might add. _

"_Merry Christmas beautiful Bella," with his word I felt for the first time that he was talking to a gorgeous swan, not an ugly duckling. How cheesy. _

"_Though your garden's grey I know all your graces someday will flower, oh in the sweet sunshower, oh in the sweet sunshower. In the sweet sunshower."_ Edward's voice finally faded into the thick air that clouded around us.

Sniffling back the rest of my tears, and with a hoarse throat I whisper the last line to myself. _"Know all your graces someday will flower in the sweet sunshower."_

Edward's hand lays still on my lower back, while his other one grips my shoulder so hard I think I might yell out, but don't. We're still on our knees on the floor, and mine are starting to burn from the hard surface under them.

"Bella?" Edward speaks softly into my ear.

I'm taken back by the sound of his voice. No longer full of authority and confidence. Instead my name comes out shaky and broken, more of a plea then a question.

I pull back cautiously from his embrace to stare at his face.

I'm more then a little shocked with I see the tears that glisten in his eyes. His face is wet and miserable looking, I imagine mine looks similar. Slowly reaching a hand forward, I sweep a newly fallen tear from his cheek and let it disintegrate into the prints of my fingers.

"Bella," he whispers again.

We're so close I can feel his chilled, shallow breaths as they hit my own tear stained face. I'm uncomfortable and yet I feel so at home in his arms that it makes me sick.

"Edward," I mouth back, not even able to form the real sounds that make up his name.

"I'm…s-sorry."

They are the only two words that I can hear form around his sobs and suddenly I'm crying to, clinching on to his shoulders. I borrow my face as close to his warm, and now moist, neck as I can get. I feel like I'm sixteen again, sitting in his room after a bad fight with my dad, crying pathetically into his sturdy arms, hoping he never lets go.

I can feel something deep, deep down inside me start to mend itself, a tear that had been opened so long ago that I almost forgot that it was there. I feel as if maybe all this time I've only ever needed to hear those two sincere words come out of his mouth.

"I f-forgive you." I say into his ear and only have to give his crazy hair a few good strokes before his body slumps into mine and both our breathing regulates again.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, maybe a few minutes or possibly a few hours, but time seemed so trivial as we basked in each other's forgiveness.

Finally I found the strength to pull my exhausted body off of his. He was a mess, from his wrinkled and stained shirt, to his puffy red eyes and bed hair. I couldn't judge though, as I at there in my fat pants and one of Mike's old Yale sweatshirts.

_Mike. _

How could I sit here lounging in my ex's arms and completely forget about the man who in four days would be my husband. Four days!

"I need to call Mike," I say mostly to myself, but before I can even make it onto my feet, Edward is dragging me to the closest couch.

"We need to talk," was all he said, but continued to stare. I felt like every place his eyes met my skin was going to start to melt.

With my gaze held firmly on the tweed material of the loveseat I played dumb. "About what?"

"Bella," I felt the rough skin of his fingers slid under my chin, forcing my face up and my gaze to center on him. "We need to talk about what happen." He paused and sighed a sigh that sounded like it had been held in far too long.

"I've been waiting for nearly six years to talk to you like this, you know. Face to face, one on one, no one but you and me." His eyes bore into mine and I felt faint and nausea all at the same time.

"I need to hear the whole story Bella." Once again his words came out as the most desperate of pleas.

I take a deep breath that seems to help the lightheadedness. "You were there Edward; I don't know why I need to tell you again." My voice is harsh, and my tone is vicious. I wish I felt more ferocious then I talked.

"One more time Bella, please just tell me everything one more time from your point of view, please." I felt that if I let him beg any longer, he would get down on his knees and start to adorn my feet with kisses.

I feel lightheaded again and I realize I'm not breathing. Taking a large breath, I grab on to his hands and squeeze. I don't want his comfort; I just want something to keep me from toppling over. Closing my eyes I force myself to think back to the very day that I could remember that our relationship had turned hellish.

"It was a week after you proposed…" I keep my lips clamped shut and left myself drift back to the day.

"_Edward!" I yell at my new fiancé, as he runs down the stairs from my bedroom. _

"_If you want them you'll have to catch me." He smirks, holding my acceptance letters in his hands. _

_It's late May and I had already missed my deadline to pick a college for the fall semester, but Edward's dad had pulled some strings and got me a couple extra weeks. But now it was two days till that deadline was up and I still wasn't any closer to picking a college then I had been four weeks ago. _

_Now that I'm down to my last three choices, after an impossible night of ruling out twelve others, Edward has decided that he doesn't want me to go to college and just stay home with him for a year or two. Even thinking of the idea sent a chill down my spine. _

_I've waited my whole life to go to college, and now that my time has finally come, the only boy I've ever loved is standing in the way of my dreams. I know it sounds insane to most young girls, but I've only ever known logics, and Edward is not logic. _

_We should get our degrees, fall in love, go to college, get stable jobs, get engaged, get married, buy a house, then have two point five kids who will grow up and do the exact same as us. That was the plan; it's always been the plan, even before Edward-plan-destroyer- Cullen stepped into the picture. _

_Now everything's screwed up, and I find myself questioning my acceptance to be his blushing bride. Edward keeps talking about taking a year off, getting married, and traveling the globe on an extended honeymoon. I keep trying to picture it, us happy and in love backpacking through Europe, but I just can't. _

"_Edward!" I screamed again, staring to get frantic that he'll never give up this futile idea. _

_While I'm busy thinking about "our" future, Edward suddenly has me pinned to the floor in my living room, his wild sex hair looking even more crazy then usual. _

"_What my love?" He leans in and places a trail of hot, opened mouthed kisses down my throat. _

_I try my best to push back the lust educed haze that he seems to always carry around him. "I need my letters back _love._" _

_His grip is like one of iron wrapped around my wrists and I can't manage to budge his hold. He seems to like my struggle, because his smile looks like it belongs to the Cheshire cat. His crazy moods have been throwing me off balance lately, and that smile never ceases to make my bones chill. _

"_Edward I need those acceptance letters, they need mailed by the end of the day." I'm begging him now, hoping he'll see past his selfishness and give me what I want. _

_I watch as his smile fades and a look of sadness graces his face. "I thought we decided that we're gonna take a year off, see the world." _

_I sigh and the pressure he's putting on my ribcage is starting to make it hard to breath. _

"_No, that's what you decided Edward. I just…" I can't finish my sentence because his lips are being crushed to mine in a hard and dominate kiss. _

"_Trust me baby, it will be so much better. We'll get married and then it'll just be you and me for a whole year. No parents, no annoying siblings, and defiantly no school. Just you, me, and Europe." He breathes into my face, and his scent causes me to woo. _

_I can see the sudden change of softness in his eyes and it's impossible to say anything, let alone deny him what he wants. I mean a year in bed with Edward, in Europe, is hardly what I would call hell, but there was something I wanted more then a really great sex life. But as I continued to look at him I found my head nodding a 'yes'. _

"_Perfect!" He says then pushing his lips gentler again mine then before. His trademark crooked smile shines on his face and for the first time in what feels like forever, I'm seeing the seventeen year old Edward Cullen I'd fell in love with. _

_He pushes himself off my living room floor and I watch as he retreats to the door, calling out a 'see you later babe' before it slams. I don't move until the sound of his tires drifts down the street and onto the main road. _

_As soon as I can no longer hear the engine of his shiny, new Volvo, I'm off the floor and racing towards my bedroom. _

_Throwing myself on the floor by my bed, I've got my hand stuffed under the mattress, all before Edward has the chance to change his mind and come back. With caution, I pull out the starch white envelope that I had stashed there last night. _

_I don't even think about my final decision, as I sign the last needed signature and shove all my information into the manila envelope that Charlie had stole from the station. I grab my keys and dash back down the stairs._

_With every turn that my beat up Chevy makes I'm convinced Edward will be waiting there ready with a pair of scissors to cut of my precious folder. But I make it to the post office just before it closes. _

_I slide the envelope to the overweight man behind the desk and can't help up think that I'm handing over my entire life. When the man finally disappears from view I let out the breath that I'd been holding for what seems like forever. _

"_Bella?" A familiar voice calls from behind me and my eyes widen. _

_Spinning around I find myself face to face with no other then Carlisle Cullen. He's looking at me with and eyebrow raised and a pair of accusing eyes. I can't help but feel squeamish with him looking at me with those all too recognizable green orbs. _

_A thousand 'what if's' pass through my mind as he sizes me up. What if he tells Edward? What if Edward calls for a retrieval of the letter? I can see it now, Edward and a bunch of his band groupies searching through the recently sent mail at every postal office from Forks to Connecticut._

"_Are you okay love?" He asks again and goes to touch my flush face. _

_My brain goes into a meltdown with the word 'love', Edward is always calling me that. Maybe this is a test of my loyalty and Edward is actually Carlisle in disguise! _

'_Bella pull yourself together!' my inner genius threatens to slap me. _

"_I just saw Edward, he told me about your plans. Are you sure you want to give up a whole year love? I know my son isn't exactly sensitive to dreams of academics, but I think we could beat some scene into him. Bella?" He's so close I think that I might vomit all over his suede loafers. _

_My inner genius gives the rest of me a couple good slaps on the face and I find myself responding. _

"_I think it might be the best for us. Edward will be happy, and I'm happy when he's happy. We can talk about it later Carlisle, I have to go home and start dinner before Charlie eats the sofa." Wow, that actually sounded pretty good, I hope. _

_He's staring at me again like he knows something I don't want anyone to find out. I found that that was one of the many things that Edward and his father had in common, being able to see your every flaw and secret. Then again Renee always did say I was an open book. _

_But if he knows something he doesn't say. He smiles, wishes me goodbye, and steps aside. I'm half way out the door before I hear him call my name again. _

"_Bella?"_

_I take a deep breath of the fresh and surprisingly cool May air and turn around to face Dr. Carlisle Cullen._

"_Yes Mr. Cullen?"_

"_You dropped this love," he smiles a wide I-figured-out-your-secret-and-I-have-proof-smile and flashes a white envelope in front of his face. _

_I don't have the best eyesight in the word, but even a few feet away I know what's marked on the paper. It's my full name and an official ensigncy on the top left corner. I could read you the exact letter that was held between the folded papers, I had read it so many times I'd memorized it. _

_It started with a simple sentence…_It is my pleasure to inform you that your application for admission to Yale University has been approved._ It was a sentence that I believed was going to the beginning of the end for me and Dr. Cullen's son, but the smile stayed on his face, even as he read the letter, and even as took me out to for a celebratory dinner with Charlie._

"Carlisle took you out to dinner," Edward whispered in fury.

I nodded but did so looking down at my lap, doing whatever I could to avoid his scorching eyes.

"My fucking father knew that you weren't going to marry me and instead he took you out to celebrate it!" He shouted now.

He was lounging on one side of my couch while I faced him sitting on the opposite side. Our legs were interlaced where they met in the middle. His head was thrown back against the white armrest, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb like I'd watch him do the whole time we dated, and then continued to watch as his father did it in his absence.

"Edward?" I spoke, trying to get his attention.

"My own fucking father," he kept on mumbling and ignoring my calls for his notice.

Finally fed up with his lack of concentration, I leaned over and grabbed his face between my two hands. His eyes shone with something that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but I passed it off as surprise.

"Okay Edward-whines-a lot-Cullen, now you listen here. When I sent those papers in, I was very much still in love with you. I wanted to marry you, and have lots of sex, and maybe a kid or two. I was young and only wanted to have the same college experience that every other eighteen year old wanted." I let out a breath that sent a few wispy strains of his hair flying.

"We just had different mind sets Edward. Don't you see that now that I tell this stupid story again? Don't you see that all I wanted was to take my nose out of a book and shove it farther back in? Don't you see that you wanted to travel and see the world, become a rock star, and have a trophy wife to follow you wherever you're vast imagination could take you?" I asked, looking deeply into his eyes.

He sat up suddenly and this time he was the one to grab my face with his large, rough palms. A flash of anger graced his features.

"Isabella Marie Swan, if you think that for a moment that that bullshit is true, then your nose was shoved farther into those books then I thought." His face fell but I pushed his chin back up to look me in the eye.

"I wanted nothing more in the world then to travel the world, and become a rock star, but I didn't want any of it if I couldn't have you. I see that now that I'm not…not…" he was at a lose for words, but I knew that he just didn't want him to say the word 'mentally ill', or even worse 'crazy', but I know we were both secretly thinking it.

I let go of his face and he let go of mine, but not without some hesitation does he finally lean back. I haven't felt this connected to a person since the time I stood in an elevator with Mike and sang alone to Peter, Paul, and Mary. That was a revelation, but this is a cleansing.

I couldn't help but lean towards him after a minute of thought. Taking his hands in mine, once again I gave them a little squeeze, but this time it was for his comfort.

"Tell me about what happened after…after that night in my bedroom." I whispered across the small distance that kept us apart.

He closed his eyes much like I had, clenching his jaw and digging his finger nails into my palms. I was oblivious to my discomfort because his sent a worst pain through my heart.

"Isabella the only reason that you're so fucked up, is because I was even more fucked up before you, and it didn't get better."

* * *

Authors Note:

**Okay don't get all ticked off at me. I know all of you know what it's like to have to study for finals and then actually take finals. But I'm guessing most of you don't know what it's like to have to pack up a dorm room in France, sort boxes into storage and things to take home, and then get on a plane for a little more then twelve hours, only to have to come home and unpack. If you do know what it's like then i commend you, but if you don't then don't go and yell at me. I know it's been a while, but I'm home all summer, you'll get your chapters. I love you all too much to let you down, so don't let me down. **

**Reviews=Faster Chapters**

**Love,  
A tired and exhausted Fran**


	8. Let's Not be Fucked Up

*This Chapter Contains Moderate Swearing

**Chapter 8**

**Let's Not be Fucked Up**

Even as a child I could remember Edward's eyes always fascinating me. I could sit and just watch him read in the den, as those magnificent green orbs darted across page after page. Hours would pass and the sun would grow low in the sky, sending just the right light to illuminate the source of my distraction. Then, just before the old grandfather clock would chime five o'clock, I would stow away behind a shelf in the Cullen library and wait for Esme to call her son to dinner.

I never told anyone that before, not even Alice or Edward later on in my life. I always thought of it as my one little secret that I'm going carry to the grave, along with my favorite John Wayne movie, and the recipe for cherry cobbler that's been in the Swan family for five generations.

But now that I'm sitting here holding Edward's hands in a warm embrace created by my own palms, I can't help but think about the times I would secretly watch Edward's mysterious eyes.

But his once innocent and curiosity filled gaze, was now one of trepidation and hesitancy. It was in those eyes I stared as he takes a breath, grips my hands tighter then ever before, and begins his story. His fucked up story.

"No matter how hard I try to forget that night, it will ever be burned into the back of my eyes. Every time I close them it's like I'm reliving that night, over and over. It's still as fresh as the first time it happened." He pauses one final time and plunges us both into the past.

_EPOV_

"_Bella!" I scream, trashing against the arms that kept me away from my now unconscious beauty. "She's mine!" I'm shouting repeatedly. _

_Time must past by quicker then I think, because before I can break through the restricting arms, the door to the bedroom flies open. Carlisle is nothing but a flash of blond, as he rushes to Bella's aid. Emmett however is much more visible as he come flying at me._

_Two punches later I'm surrounded in darkness, I search frantically wondering if I'll find her waiting for me in the black abyss. My body is still tingling with the warm filling of her body being pressed helplessly underneath mine. Although inside my brain was a jumble of thoughts and imagines all screaming out at me to do something to get back to my Bella. _

_It's not till some time later that the feeling that I'm floating subsides and I once again feel the weight of my own body. Everything feels heavy and the air around me makes me cringe. Even in a state of unconsciousness the sickly sweet smell that only a hospital holds, filled my nostrils. _

_My silent mind kicks back into high gear and a thousand questions are being asked at once. _

"_Where am I?"_

"_Is this a hospital?"_

"_Why am I in a hospital?"_

"_Where's Bella?"_

_The latter question takes priority over the rest, and soon I'm fighting the darkness that had consumed me for too long. I had to find her and soon. I had to find her before they got to her. If that happened it was all over, everything we had worked for would be lost. I won't let her throw away our love. _

"_Edward?" a familiar voice called out to me, barely making its way through my hazy state. _

"_Edward, wake up!" Another voice spoke frantically, although it sounded more out of anger then worry. _

"_Maybe we should let him rest." The first person suggested. _

_I wanted to complain, but I couldn't find my lips to complete that task. _

"_NO, this is going to end now. Have you seen poor Bella's neck? He practically maimed her." The angry voice was yelling now. _

_At the sound of Bella's name, I found the need to fight harder and push out of this stupor. I began to feel my legs again and my hand twitched, but the voices didn't seem to notice or just didn't care to. _

"_Is she really that bad?" The gentler of the two voices now sounded twice as worried. _

"_Bad doesn't even start to cover it. She's got five broken ribs, a fractured hip, too many bruises to count, and a concussion that could have her bleeding in the brain!" The yells became full blown screams and my hand twitched again, once then twice more. _

"_Oh Carlisle, why would he do this? Edward would never hurt anyone, let along Bella. I know they broke up, but honestly! Carlisle, he quit football because he couldn't stand hurting people. There must be some mistake!"_

"_Esme, I know this is hard to believe, I myself had doubts when I got the call, but I walked in to see my son's hands around an innocent girl's neck!" _

_The room went quiet, and I could hear sobbing from the other side of the bed I was lying in. _

_Bella, they were talking about Bella, and she was hurt. Someone had hurt her, and now she was in this hospital somewhere suffering. _

"_Grrr…" I grunted out and suddenly the once quiet room erupted into chaos. _

"_Edward Anthony Cullen, you open your fucking eyes right now or so help me I'll let Chief Swan in here with his shotgun!" My father's voice became clearer, and as if I were some voice activated machine, my eyes fluttered open. _

"_Oh Edward!" my mother threw herself on me, blubbering into my chest. All too soon, she was ripped from her position and pushed behind her fuming husband. _

"_Carlisle," she screamed and tried to push around his broad stance, in an attempt to reach me. _

_I let out a growl that sounded like it belonged to some wild animal. I watched intently as the women behind my dad started to shift and became a different person. No longer did my 5, 7", caramel haired, thirty something mother stand in front of me, but a short girl with long brunette locks of hair, and a pair of brown doe eyes that melted my heart. _

_I went insane at the sight of her. She looked perfect in a pair of worn jeans and a flannel shirt I'd let her borrow once. Not a scratch was on her let alone bruises, or any other sign of harm. They had lied! This whole thing was a set up, in order to make me forget about Bella. _

"_You motherfucker!" I shouted and hurled my body over the bed, landing on top of Carlisle. "You lied!" _

_His face was filled with shock and panic as I raised my fist to smash his perfect bone structure so far into the ground that he would see China. _

"_You can't keep me away from her, and you won't be able to when you're dead!" _

_I raised my fist higher but never got the chance to lose it, because a large needle had been stabbed into my arm. I was falling again, back into the dark. _

_For an immeasurable amount of time I lived in a state of semi unconsciousness, never fully awake but never completely sedated. Thoughts passed through my mind only in a time of light consciousness, but soon even that faded into the blackness like everything else. _

_Sometime later, I opened my eyes and could actually feel myself again. I could move body parts and make noises. I wasn't in the same hospital room as before, but the color palette was similar. _

_I was alone, occupied only by the constant beeping of a heart monitor that had been set up next to my bed. My hands had been handcuffed to the bars of the gates that prevented me from rolling onto the floor. _

"_How the hell did I get here?" I mumbled to myself as I looked around curiously to find some clue of how I had wound up in a hospital. _

_I had no recollection of the time that lead up to this moment, and the closest memory I had was one of Bella. I could still hear the sound of the diamond ring that once circled her fourth finger, land with a harsh thud against that table as she said her final goodbyes. _

_Without a single warning a stray tear fell from my eye. I couldn't even move my hand up to my face to wipe it away. I felt like an animal caged and left for the enjoyment of a group of onlookers. But with no audience this lock down was even worse. There was no one I could even ask the thousand questions that were starting to build up in my mind. _

"_Edward," I snapped my head towards the glass sliding door that was suddenly being slammed open by my father. _

"_Thank the good lord!" I exclaimed, thankful for a voice of reason to relieve me from this torture. "Dad, what the hell is going on?"_

_His eyes slowly looked me up and down before connecting his gaze with mine. I could see lines of worry or stress forming on his forehead, and the bags under his eyes told a story of insomnia. _

"_Edward, how are you feeling?" His voice was cold and stoic, a tone that I had never heard from my usually over emotional father. _

"_How am I feeling? Dad, I'm in a hospital chained to a bed with no idea how I got here, and you want to know who I feel? Is this some sick joke?" I was starting to freak out, especially when he made no more to remove my restraints, or console me. _

"_Edward this isn't the time to play stupid, there are too many people who witnessed your…outburst, there's no room for games." He spoke hesitantly. _

_I stared at him again for a minute trying to decided if Emmett was really hiding outside the door waiting for the right moment to jump out and say 'got cha'. I waited in silence for what had to be another minute or two, but nothing happened, no one was coming. _

"_Okay dad, I'm seriously freaking out here." My mouth had gone dry, and all of a sudden I could feel a sickening feeling deep down in my stomach start to grow. _

_I don't know if something in my voice gave my father room for concern, or if he was just starting to freak out himself, because he was marching over to my bed faster then I could blink. _

_Flashing a small pen light across my open eyes, I could feel Carlisle's warm breath on my face, the feeling comforted me more then I would have expected. He still had the same smell of polo and spearmint that I remembered from my childhood. _

"_Dad what's going on?" I try one more time, and with a final sigh he loses composer and collapses on the bed. _

"_Edward," he pauses, clearing his throat. "I need to know what you remember from the last couple days." It was a command but just barely as he took my hand in his own. _

_Taking a deep breath I retold him the remembrance of Bella and her admission of not wanting to marry me, followed by a short tale of my misery. _

"_But other then that, you don't remember anything?" He asked again. _

"_No, why? Did something happen?" I look down at the shiny silver handcuffs again. "Did…I mean, did I do something?" It came out as a mere whisper. _

_He wouldn't look me in the eye, and that told me everything I needed to know. _

"_Oh god!" I gasped and soon found it hard to breathe. "What…what did I do?" _

"_Calm down Edward before you go into a panic attack." He tried patting my hand, but that only seemed to make things worse. "I'm going to get your mother, just say with me." He said before rushing out of the room and into the hallway. _

_He was back moments later, dragging my mother along with him. _

"_Oh Edward!" She sobbed and started to run her hands through my unruly hair like she did when I was just a boy. _

_She crawled next to me in bed and began to hum a tune that sound familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. None the less, my breathing regulated and soon my eyes were too heavy to stay open. I fell asleep for the first time in what seemed like a long time. _

BPOV

"If I would have known that was going to be my last night of peaceful sleep, I would have enjoyed it more." Edward let out a dark string of laughter, still sitting next to me on the loveseat.

I couldn't believe that I didn't know about what was going on in that hospital. He honestly didn't remember a thing that had happened that terrible night. I could almost feel for him, but that was until I reached up and felt the two scars on my neck that had been left from his deed.

"I'm so sorry about that," He spoke in a whisper and I watched in wonder as a tear ran down his face.

His hand reached up slowly and traced one scar. I twitched and jerked back from him, but he just held his hand steady, trying to slide his fingers over my neck. He followed the movement with his other hand, and suddenly he was holding my face in his strong hands.

"This is how I should have been touching you," another whisper escaped from his two perfect lips.

"Will you tell me what happened next?" I nearly begged placing my own hands over his large ones.

"It's nothing too thrilling, just sorta sad and…"

"Fucked up," I guessed and he nodded vigorously.

"Carlisle had me committed to the psych ward in the hospital, but it turned out that my emotional health had been spiraling down hill for years and you leaving me was just the unraveling of it all." As he said this, his face took on a look of pure pain, and I had to stop myself from leaning over and kissing each and every frown mark from his face.

"My parents decided that I need intense therapy and seclusion, it hadn't even been a week since I…" I'm guessing the phrase 'strangled you almost too death' was at a loss for him. Instead, he just brushed the pad of his thumbs over the faint marks on my neck.

"I hate that this makes you cringe." He breathed, leaning his forehead against mine, bring us impossibly close.

"I didn't even realize I was." I tried to lie halfheartedly. I knew very well that being this close to him made my heart race in a way that didn't make me want to pull him closer. It was an unsteady pound that seemed to scream 'run' every time it beat.

"Liar," He sighed a shaky laugh. "That's something that's never changed about you Isabella. You're a shit liar."

I wish I could have laughed back, but I couldn't. Being this close to him sent my whole body into flight mode. He was my nightmares, my anxiety, my depression, he was my greatest fear.

"Please keep talking," I nearly begged and closed my eyes hoping the dam that held my tears back wouldn't burst.

He pushed out a forced breath and continued. "Before that week was up, they put me on a plane with my Uncle James who lived in California. They had me committed at some all inclusive rehab facility in Newport Beach."

He burst out laughing and I jumped back in my seat, effectively pulling his hands from my face. "Prive Swiss, where the smiles are never in short supply and hell seems just as good as Sorbet Saturdays." His smiled lingered for only a moment longer, and then his hands were reaching for my face again.

I let him cradle it gentle in his palms, and waited for my heartbeat to regulate.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized and went on, "That was just something that this guy I roomed with and I came up with. Don't get me wrong, we lived like we were staying in a five star resort, but I didn't feel like being on vacation. If you know what I mean."

"So you just stayed there and did what?" I questioned knowing that there had to be more to the story then he was letting on.

Edward's eyes automatically flashed to mine for only a second, before finding refuge in his lap where he was fidgeting with his fingers.

What felt like an hour of silence lingered awkwardly between us.

"There was some… _intense_ therapy." He finally managed to choke out.

"That makes two of us." I heard the words come out of my mouth before my brain could stop myself.

My mouth fell open in shock, and I waited for world war three to break out over my comment. But the battle never came. Instead, Edward finally lifted his eyes to my own, and smiled.

"I can image," was all he said before he continued answering my question.

"I was pretty much drugged up for the first month I was there, and then they sent me through a detoxifying period." I could see that the words that left his mouth affected him greatly. "After about a year I finally started to mellow out. You know, deal with my anger, control the bipolarity with medication, and I learned how to socialize again."

He frowned at a thought causing his brows to pull together, meeting in the middle of his forehead. "I had an especially hard time interacting with women though. It was strange, every time I would get close to a nurse, or even one of the female doctors, my anger began to swell. I could feel it building in my chest."

He paused and his gaze met mine in a way that made my heart flutter. "No matter what they looked like, blonde or brunette, younger or old, they always ended up looking like you. I would find your face in the slightest similarities. A freckle, the way one of them would smile, anything thing like that would set me off." I found his stare's growing intensity too much for me, and I looked away.

"That would happen to me too," I meekly emitted, leaving out the part that left me emotionally unstable around any male.

He leaned back from me, his back pushed up against the far arm rest, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Isabella, I've known you your entire life, and even at twenty five you're the worst liar I've ever met." He let out a dark laugh. "Your cheeks get red hot; your eyelashes flutter in a way that looks like at any moment you might cry, and there, _that_!" He shouted the last words, simultaneously pointing at my lip that was currently being clamped down on by my front teeth.

"I resent that!" I shouted back.

"Okay, okay, so you might not be lying, but you're definitely not telling the whole truth. Didn't your father tell you never to lie to your elders Isabella?" He leaned in so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face.

"Edward." I warned and back up so we weren't so close to one another, but he had other ideas.

"I don't think so Bells." He growled, and I soon found myself being pressed into the couch.

Every plane of his body was pressed against my own, causing my breath to quicken in fear. He had always held me down like this in my dreams, arms around my wrists, his body pressing so hard against my own I couldn't breathe. But after a moment I realized that this was nothing like my dreams.

His body was over my own, but I felt no pressure, and his hands did circle my wrists, but only in order to rub his fingers gently over my pulse points. His face was nuzzled into my neck, brushing his nose over my jugular.

"Does this bother you Isabella," his voice came in a husky whisper that sent a different kind of shiver through my body.

"Y- yes," I stuttered.

"Why does it bother you?" He whispered and placed a single kiss next to my ear. It felt foreign, and at the same time, so right.

"I- I- I," this time I couldn't find the words.

"You saw me too. You saw the man who nearly strangled you to death in ever man's face. Your classmates, your doctors, maybe even your therapist, I bet even Charlie started to look like me." His words made tears start to well in my eyes, and my body began to struggle against his.

"Don't think that for a _moment_ Isabella, that I tell you my story without considering your story. I know you fucking suffered, I know you saw my face in everyone, and I know that you lost trust in everyone. I fucking know that!" he hiss but then sighed and shifted our bodies so we lay side by side facing each other.

He wiped a stray tear that has fallen from my face.

"Bella, I don't talk about my past, not even with Aurora, and it's not because I can't, but it's because I don't want to. Because every time I even say your fucking name, I see your flush face losing consciousness as I squeeze the life out of you with my bare hands. Rehabilitation was hell; it was a fiery pit located smack dap in the middle of paradise."

Once again we sat in silence, staring at each other, making small touches to the other's face for a long time, but it felt peaceful. I felt the tension melting away, and after my exhausting morning my eyes finally felt too heavily to hold open.

I fought the sleep off, "Edward?" I questioned groggily.

"Hmm," he answered back sounding equally as tired.

"Let's not be fucked up anymore."

He let out his own groggy chuckle, "okay Bella, I'm tired of it anyways."

"And Edward," my words were starting to slur, but I did my best to keep the blackness from overtaking me.

"What?"

"Come to my wedding."

Silence.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Now close your fucking eyes."

* * *

Author's Note:

**To my most loyal fans, I would like to thank you for all your support and encouraging comments. It means so much to me that you care. I hope you liked this long awaited chapter. I promise more soon. **

**Lots of Love**

**~Fran**


	9. Lunch?

**Chapter 9**

**Lunch?**

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I was jerked awake from my deep slumber by the incessant screaming of the alarm that played from my phone, and a beam of sunlight that had managed to squeeze its way through the thick fabric of my living room curtains. I groaned and soaked in the last minutes of sleepy comfort before raising my body from the couch, only to find that I was pinned down.

A large arm had a grip around my slender waist that had been exposed in my sleep. I shivered at the direct skin to skin contact. My eyes lingered on the arm for a moment longer, before moving up slowly, eyeing the rest of the form.

I realized that my face was barely an inch away from a man's face that was resting gently on my chest; his other hand was laid on my t-shirt covered stomach. For a moment, I thought about closing my eyes and leaning into this warm embrace, but I thought better of it and slowly started to pry myself from Edward's grip.

Apparently, Edward wasn't having any of that, because his arm wouldn't budge an inch, no matter how much I wiggled and squirmed. He only groaned in my ear and pulled me closer to his warm body.

I was about to give up when my phone alarm started it's wailing again.

"Edward!" I whisper-shouted into his ear.

I waited a second, but he was out like a rock.

"Edward!" I actually shouted this time. The direct vibration to his eardrum must have done the trick, because suddenly he jumped, causing him to jerk off the couch, taking me with him.

I was pinned back under his toned body before I had time to escape. The reoccurring position was starting to stir thoughts of my most recent night terrors. I cringed away from him as much as the space between us would allow, but before the situation could pull us into an awkward haze, my phone buzzed for a third time.

"Can't you just put that stupid thing on silent?" Edward groaned, rolling off me so he could snuggle his face back into one of the couch pillows.

Not bothering to answer, I picked myself up from the ground and rushed towards the sound of my screaming phone. Looking at the illuminated screen I was reminded of the meeting that I had scheduled with a journalist from Seattle magazine just a few days ago.

"Shit!" I cursed and rushed towards my bedroom, but before I could worry about finding the perfect outfit, I froze.

Had this morning not been as vivid as it was, I almost would have forgotten what had happened in this room no more then four hours ago. My bed had been stripped from the sopping sweat soiled sheets that I tossed and turned in, in their place were the cool green silk sheets Rosalie had bought me for the shower. The bathroom door was the only thing missing, due to the fact that Emmett's fist had made a hole the size of Texas smack dab in the middle of it.

My hands automatically clung onto my large nightshirt out of habit. I clenched the fabric between two shaking fists. My teeth took residence in my lip, slicing into the usually raw skin, causing it to bleed.

I was terrified to move, let alone walk a step anywhere towards the room that had almost witnessed my demise. _Isabella Swan, in the bathroom, with the…water?_ So finally, after a moment of deep breathes, and a small pep talk from my subconscious I slowly inched my way towards the closet. Sliding up against the wall and moving sideways, as if one step would trigger some unseen alarm.

Sometime between the moments I had gotten off the phone with Ms. Marsh and present day, Alice had managed to score an off the rack outfit from one of her "sources". I didn't ask questions when it came to her, or her "sources". I ripped the black dress bag open to find a presentable grey business dress.

I slipped on the pleated tweed outfit, and marveled at how everything Alice touched fit me like a glove, but then again that wasn't always a good thing. Don't even get me started on what I have dubbed as the 'Clubbing Epidemic of 07'. Nevertheless, that little devil pixie knew her way around a clothing store, and to my surprise I matched the dress with my usual black heels that were a realistic two inches.

The moment I dreaded came faster then I thought, but I still couldn't bring myself to hover any closer towards the bathroom, afraid Freddy Kruger himself would pop out of the wood work, bringing Edward the ripper with him.

"Edward!" The thought popped into my head out of thin air, and I was surprised that I hadn't thought of it earlier. "Oh, Mister Franklin Roosevelt, thank you!" I kissed the air, hoping that talking to dead presidents wasn't another crazy illness I was developing.

"What are you shouting about in here woman!?" Edward whined, pacing into my room. He looked at me only a moment, but the look on my face must have given away any fear that still lingered there.

"Bella," he whispered before coming to cradle my face between his hands.

I took a deep breath, "Franklin D. Roosevelt," I whispered never letting my eyes leave the open space that lead into the bathroom.

"What?"

"Roosevelt said that 'We have nothing to fear, but fear itself'. I already conquered my fear Edward." I whispered, our faces close enough to touch.

"And what was your fear Bells." The nickname sent a shiver down my back that I wasn't prepared for, and I found myself suddenly lost in a sea of dark green oceans.

"You, I was afraid of you Edward. Not just now, but I think I always was. I wanted your approval as a child, your love as a teenager, and even now as a grown woman, I'm looking for…for something. I'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I have a feeling that last night was the start of figuring it out."

Edward remained quiet, , and I took his lapse of silence to slip from his hold and strut into my bathroom.

Once inside I found nothing. There was no more blood, no dirty water clogging my bathtub drain, no sopping towels. Only the missing door was a reminder of what had really happened in here this morning. But what surprised me most, was the small pink sticky note that was attached to the mirror above my sink.

It read: We Love You, with a small heart etched under the three words.

I let my fingers run over the note and allowed one tear to slip from my eye, before slipping the note into the top drawer of my counter, and proceeded to finish getting ready for my interview.

Thirty minutes later, I was in ship shape condition as I walked out of my room, closing the door behind me. There was no guarantee that without Edward here later, it would be as easy to walk into that room as it was just now.

I was almost surprised to see Edward still lying on the couch, the television on in front of him. The sound of Fox News filtered into the kitchen as I grabbed a glass of water. snorted despite myself.

"What's so funny?" Edward chimed in, taking one of the two vacant seats at my small table.

I just smiled and shook my head as I pulled my pillbox from one of the drawers next to the refrigerator.

"It's just that the Edward I used to know would never be caught dead watching Fox News. That's like _so_ Carlisle." I giggle and sat down opposite of him.

It was still raining, but somehow the water that streamed down the window was more comforting then a ray of sun could ever be.

"Well, I'm not that Edward anymore." He said quietly.

I didn't answer, fearing that the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be word vomit. Instead I popped open the pill section that was labeled TUE in big black letters. I loved my pill holder. Even if the contents weren't pleasant, it was a gift from Carlisle when they put me back on Doxepin for the fourth time. It had a different color lid for each day, with crazy rainbows and unicorns decorating the rest of the box. I laughed every morning when I pulled it out of its hiding place. It made life just a bit better.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I dump the seven different pills from their case. I lined them up as I always did, going from largest to smallest. For his sake, I made eye contact before pointing to each set of pills and spoke their names.

"Doxepin, helps with the depression and anxiety, Esoneprazole, for the ulcer 'the size of Montana'." I quoted Mike from the other day. "Escitalopram Oxalate… uh that's anti depression too, and oh, Iron supplements." I smile before scooping the large amount of pills into my hand, then my mouth.

Edward looked worried for a moment as if I was an idiot for putting seven pills in my mouth at once, but with a sip of water and a large gulp, they went down like butter.

Before I could say or do anything, Edward cradled my hands in his two large ones.

"How can I ever fix you?" His voice came out as almost a plea, begging for my answer.

I smiled and pulled my hands from his, suddenly feeling too restricted by them. "You can just…do nothing." I say before downing the rest of my water and placing the glass neatly into the sink.

"So where are you off to all dolled up like that?" His voice filled the whole kitchen, reaching the far walls of the outer hallway, and it sends another shiver down my spine.

"I have an interview with a journalist of Seattle Magazine at my office." I said proudly as I filled my book bag with an apple, a stack of folders, and filled my thermos with fresh coffee.

"Okay, I'll drive; you will just have to wait in the car while I run into the hotel and grab some clothes. I think I have a suit ready from dry cleaning." He said almost to himself.

That's another thing that's new. The old Edward never let anyone know what was going on under that thick skull of his.

I'm surprisingly shock at how upset I am by his train of thought.

"Edward, you're not coming with me. I don't need a babysitter." I said harshly, slamming the coffeepot back into its place.

"No way am I letting you go into a room with some stranger only to let her play twenty questions." His voice raised and my hands started to ball into fists.

"No. Edward." I said roughly between my clenched teeth.

Suddenly he was out of his chair and taking two steps in my direction. The anger left my body and is instantly replaced with crippling fear.

I immediately took a large step away from him, and I found my back hitting against the counter. It was as if in an instant, the hours of talking we had just done were shot to hell. It was then that I realized that no matter how much we talked and forgave each other, I was still afraid of him, and he still wanted to dominate me. At least that's how it felt to me. Even the snarl that's played on his face made me feel like I was eighteen again and he was thrusting all my insecurities at me. I diverted my eyes from his hooded one's, hoping that he'll magically disappear like the monsters under the bed used to when my dad came in with his baseball bat and threaten them back to the world of 'under the bed'.

"Isabella, look at me." His voice had softened, but I could still hear the hard edge that formed around each syllable.

I stayed silent for a moment. "I have to get to work; I don't have time for you Edward."

I didn't mean to say that, but once again the word vomit is back and I was messing up all the work we had put into our…relationship.

"Bella?" He called my name again.

Sighing heavily, I could tell that he was trying to make this ridiculous situation work just as much as I was.

I flinched as he took another step toward me. Suddenly his posture became rigid at the same time his fist clenched again, and the skin over his jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth together.

"You're still afraid of me." It was a statement, not a question. Even if it was, my body language gave off more signs of fear then a five year old in a horror movie.

I stood awkwardly positioned between the counter and him. Although he was more then a yard away from me, I felt like I was trapped. My torso was slightly turned towards my book bag that laid lazily on the counter, while my feet stayed pointing in his direction. My hands shook even as I clenched them in tight fists, holding them against my body hoping to stop their tremors.

But Edward wasn't looking at my hands, or my feet, or even my book bag, he was looking at my face. I could feel the heat of his gaze burning a hole in the top of my head as I continued to stare at my feet.

After a long moment I couldn't take it anymore, and raised my own head, prepared to see fire and brimstone raining down in a pair of burning green eyes. But once my eyes finally met Edwards, it was like the whole world stopped around us. There was no fire, no brimstone, just concern and confusion, but masked behind the two was hurt. I had felt plenty of hurt in the time I was with Edward, and even more so after he left me, broken and damaged. Never once had I seen such…_devastation,_but it only lasted a moment and then those two, stoic, glazed over orbs came back.

This stoicism angered to some strange point of rage, and before he could brush the subject by completely, like he had done with so many of out past problems, I was yelling and crying out words that I had only dreamt about saying.

"Yes Edward, you may look different to me, and you may even _be_ different, but…but inside you're still a walking nightmare to me. I see you now and it's like Satan has sent you here to be my own personal hell. Like everything that's physically wrong with me isn't enough, no, I'm mentally screwed up too!

"And I thought for a moment that everything might start to get better. I might get better! I was going to get married and go on our honeymoon in Florence, with the man that loves me and who treats me like some precious jewel. Then you came and I thought my world was ending all over again. I couldn't breathe knowing you were somewhere in the same city." I was sobbing at this point; clutching on to my dress like it was the only thing keeping me afloat. I only briefly noticed the way he flinched at the mention of Florence.

"Then I met Aurora, and she was…she was…god she's delusional! I kept thinking, 'how could she ever be with someone like… like _you_!?' She's young and innocent and is everything that you weren't when I knew you. Then I had someone else to worry about. I am afraid she will end up like me. She's so young and… and…"

I couldn't finish, I was now hanging onto the edge of the counter for dear life. He was still just standing and staring at me, the same stoic eyes stayed in place.

"And I'm a monster." He finally spoke after some long drawn out time.

I closed my eyes; I couldn't listen to this any longer. I couldn't ruin my life again because of him. But somewhere deep down, I was yelling at myself for popping the very small bubble of contentment that we had just started to form.

The air had turned thick, the tension growing around us was building pressure that I knew was going to crush me to death.

_Ring, Ring, Ring!_

We both jerked into awareness as we listened to the strange ringing noise. I knew it was neither my house phone, nor my cell phone that had been tucked securely into the side pocket of my book bag many moons ago.

Our eyes met for an instant, but it only took that instant for us to connect. I couldn't have looked away even if I had wanted too. But the phone continued to ring.

I watched in a trance like state as his hands unclenched and his right one reached into the pocket of his gray sweatpants, only to reveal his own buzzing cell phone. The screen lit up with a picture of a smiling Aurora giving Edward a kiss on the cheek.

I don't know if it was the picture, or maybe it was just the fact that I was already twenty minutes late to work, but as soon as he answered the phone with a gruff 'hello' I turned my back to him and hurried to leave.

Even if I hadn't wanted to listen to their conversation, Edward made no move to leave the room, and for God's sake this was _my_ apartment and I wasn't leaving.

"No, I didn't stay out all night." His voice sounded rough and hard, much like the one I was used to hearing.

"I didn't want to wake you…no, I'm at Bella's apart-" He cut off what he was saying and I could hear shouting from the other side of the phone.

When he started to talk again, his voice was much softer with a hint of humility. "Yeah, I'm coming. I'll take you to breakfast. Yes. Okay, bye."

I heard him hang up the phone.

"I have to go to work, I'm late." I said. Before he can argue, I was out of the kitchen with my bag and thermos of coffee.

I only made it half way to the front door before he put one of his mammoth hands on my arm.

"What do you want Edward?!" I shout, no more then a foot from his face.

His eyes are full of fire now, but not the kind that makes we want to run into the closet and call 911, but the kind that sends a shiver down my spine and makes me extremely too aware of the hand he has on me.

"Fine Isabella," I tremble with fury with the sound of my full name, "I won't keep you from work, but allow me the honor of taking you to lunch, say twelve thirty." Once again, it's not a question.

"Sorry _dad_, but I don't have the luxury of a nice long lunch break when I'm already half an hour behind schedule." I sneered into his face, but it seemed to have the opposite effect of what I was hoping for. He smiled one of his wide and leering Edward smiles, and he chuckled before letting go of my arm and walking to the front door.

He opened it and motioned for me to exit first.

"Is that supposed to be kinky Ms. Swan?" He laughed aloud as my jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

I turned off all the lights and stormed out of my apartment with my trench coat and umbrella tucked safely under my arm, my bag hanging off one shoulder. Edward walked out after me and allowed me just enough space so I could lock the door.

When I was done, I made my way to the elevator located at the end of the hall.

"Bella?" Edward called after me as I entered the elevator.

I sighed loudly when he followed me into the confining space.

"What Edward?" I ask between clenched teeth.

"You know I'm not letting you get off this elevator unless you let me take you to lunch, right?" He said lightly, examining his nails like some prissy bitch.

I stayed quiet the rest of the way down to the lobby, and just as I go to get off, Edward stepped in front of me, efficiently blocking my one and only exit. I stared just a bit too long at his muscular chest and bulging arms.

"Fine Edward, you win, I'll see you at twelve-thirty sharp. If you're late so help me God…" I didn't finish my sentence, but instead pushed forcefully past the giant oaf.

I didn't look back, but I could almost hear his smirk the entire way out the door.

Charlotte was waiting for me like everyday, notebook in hand, freshly brewed cup of tea in the other, and an always snarky smile playing on her lips.

"Two days late in a row boss?" She handed me the cup but instead of backing away like always, she leaned in and sniffed my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I looked at her like she was insane.

"Oh yeah, you smell like Mr. Hot Business Suit, spill."

I looked at her in amazement, "How do you know these things?"

"Well usually you have a really nice floral scent going on, and sometimes you come in smelling like sex and Armani." She elbowed me in the side, "but today you smell kind of like leather, soap, and…" she leaned in and took in a long whiff of my _scent_. "Ah, Ralph Lauren, yummy."

"Wow, um okay let's just move on to the messages, I don't have time to gossip right now." I sighed, wondering if I had a spare bottle of perfume lying around my office. I couldn't go around smelling like Edward all day.

"Whatever you say boss, but technically it's not gossip if A it's true, and B it's about you. Then it's just some personal facts." She smiled at me before opening her day planner and reading off the dozen or so calls, I had already missed in the few minutes I was tardy.

"Oh, and Mike called like two minutes before you got off the elevator, and said that you should call him. He sounded somewhat freaked out, but I can't tell the difference anymore between his nerves, your spazzing out, and the combined wedding jitters. Man I'll be one happy bitch when you two get hitched. Hey, that rhymed!"

I turned to Charlotte when we had finally made it to my office, "I know Char, and I just want to let you know that you have been the biggest help in and out of the office. For that I love you."

She blushed and looked down at her Jimmy Choo clad feet. "No problem boss, that's why you pay me the big bucks. Okay well now I'm blushing and I think I might punch myself in the face, so um…thanks. Now get in there and show that lady from Seattle Magazine who rocks this city."

"Wait, she's here already!? How long has she been waiting?" I was suddenly feeling incredibly nervous and the exhaustion of my long night and morning was finally starting to take its toll on my body. My legs felt unstable, my arms might as well have been made from gelatin, and if I bit my lip any harder it was going to start to look like hamburger meat.

"Only about ten minutes, now get in there and give um hell." Char was always cheering me on, and at them moment I was thankful I'd hired her over the Italian twenty two year old from Harvard.

"Okay, here I go." I put on my fake smile, handed Char my book bag, took my tea and opened my office door.

"Wait Bella, what should I tell Mike?"

"I don't know, just tell him I'm busy and we'll talk later."

Without a second glance back I entered my office.

She was not who I was expecting. I though I would be speaking to a older distinguished women of age and knowledge of the business. Instead, a young woman with bleach blonde hair sat in one of the two chairs in front of my desk.

As the door clicked shut behind me, she was suddenly aware of my presence; she stood and was introducing herself before I could even question who she was.

"Hello, Isabella Swan?" She walked up to my frozen stance near the door.

I nodded my head like some mute idiot, and then we shook hands.

"It's lovely to meet you, I'm Rachel Marsh. I'll the journalist who will be writing the article." She smiled at me and let go of my hand.

It only took the news of her being a fellow writer for me to act like a hair dryer going at a piece of ice. I instantly smiled back at her and introduced myself as 'just Bella'.

A short time later, we were finally situated on the leather sofa I had in the corner of my office.

Rachel turned out to be much like myself. She was a Dartmouth college graduate in journalism. She wasn't at all as dumb as she looked, but that was just a stereotype I was expecting due to the platinum locks that fell from her head.

"Okay so I was told that your wedding is only four days away." She sounded worried about the date. I had my own worries, but for a whole different set of reasons.

"Yes, it's going to be at St. James Cathedral on Saturday afternoon." I make it sound so official. 'Save the date' my brain is mentally screaming.

She sighs, biting nervously on her pen as she looks down at her legal pad.

"Okay, this is going to asking a little much from a bride, but would there be any way that we could come down after the wedding ceremony and take a couple of pictures in between your own photographer?"

My brain is in hyper drive as soon as the actual ceremony is mentioned, and I'm so lost in my own thoughts of what still needs fitted, and who is and isn't coming, and if I really actually like the lobster over the salmon, that I almost forget her question completely.

"I think that would be okay, we've set a half-hour cocktail before the actual reception, so if you just took a couple that would be fine." I smiled, satisfied that my brain could come up with an actual answer.

We went on and on about the wedding, how many people: 300 exactly, what were my wedding colors: teal and yellow, what flavor was my cake: vanilla bean and butter cream, four tiers.

"So, tell me how you managed to plan what sounds like a fabulous wedding, keep a happy fiancé, and run a newspaper all at the same time?" She pointed her recorder at me again.

"Well," I thought, "I have a lot of help from my best friends and a really supportive family, but truth be told, Mike really just makes it so easy. I couldn't care less where we get married, what I'm wearing, or who shows up. As long as we have him, me, and God, I think we are set."

It wasn't until after I'd finished answering the question that I actually replayed what I had said in my head. Truth be told, weddings scared the hell out of me. I could barely attend my own best friend's without breaking down into an emotional mess before reapplying some mascara and putting on my bridesmaid's dress.

But I didn't need a dress or anything like that, church, the love of my life, and me. That sounded like the ideal wedding.

Rachel gave me another glimmering smile and stood thanking me for my time. We shook hands, "best of luck on the wedding Bella, I don't say this to all the couples I interview, but I think you and this Mike fellow are going to be solid." She let out a string of laughter, "And I haven't even met him."

I can't help but crack my own smile and let my heart pound with joy as I think about my wedding and becoming Mrs. Michael Newton.

Four more days.

I thanked her and escorted her to the door. I opened the door to let her out and all of a sudden I was face to face with Edward.

"Bella, did you forget we were supposed to have lunch?" I was lost as to why he was here for only a moment, and then his words sunk in.

By the time I had wiped the surprised look off my face, Rachel was already shaking his hand.

"Hi, you must be the infamous groom I keep hearing about; I'm Rachel Marsh, writer for Seattle Magazine."

I gasped at her comment, suddenly realizing that I had in fact spent more time with Edward in the last twenty-four hours then I had with Mike.

"No!" We both shouted at the same time.

Rachel jumped slightly in her spot and stared at us as if we both had two heads and four extra arms to match.

"Rachel, I'd like you to meet _Edward Cullen_. He's an old family friend." I annunciate every vowel in his name, letting her see that this was in fact _not_ Michael Newton.

"Oh, well don't I feel silly." Rachel fanned herself, giggling no doubt due to Edward's charming gaze and adorable crooked smile.

Edward stepped back into the office area followed by Rachel, then me. We said our final goodbyes, but not before exchanging cell phone numbers so we could be in touch on the 'big day', as Rachel referred to it. I smiled and waved as she disappeared behind the doors of the closing elevator.

I sighed and slumped against the wall behind me. My body was feeling especially sluggish even though I had done nothing but sit for the last four hours. This wedding was stressing me out further as we got closer and closer to the day. At this point I would be happy with a shotgun wedding in Vegas.

"Come on Bells, there is a steak salad with our name on it at Café Blanc." Edward was directly in front of me. I could smell the Ralph Lauren rolling off his fresh suit, and I felt traitorous as I took a deep breath. Don't tell me favorite grey pin striped Armani.

"Edward, I don't feel-" I didn't get the chance to finish my refusal.

"Bella!" I heard the very familiar voice of my 'future hubby'–another Rachel phrase.

My eyes snapping open was the fastest motion I had made all day. My gaze immediately fixed on my fiancé making his way from the elevator in a quick pace. I could see the rage in his baby blue eyes from here.

"Oh God," I groan, pushing my body away from the wall and away from Edward.

"Mike," I expressed, putting on the best happy face that I could.

"Michael," Edward greeted coldly, now standing off to the side.

I could see Char peeking from behind her desk at the three of us. I was sure that she'd make this a great story for my future children.

"Edward," Mike's greeting was more like a sneer.

"Baby, what are you doing here?" I questioned as he pulled me into his arms.

Like always, I can feel both the warmth and heat that comes with his touch. Security and this crazy mixture of love, lust, and passion fills my body from head to toe. I can see he feels it too from the slight redness of his cheeks.

"I brought us a bite from Ray's." He lifted the greasy paper bag that I had been oblivious to the entire time.

I laughed, "Flips and burgers?" I questioned if it was indeed our favorite food. We had even thought about having them at our wedding, but Esme had said that wasn't wedding etiquette. I said who the hell cares, but upon further investigation we found that Ray's would not make three hundred burgers for a wedding, even _ours_.

"Okay babe, go set it up on the couch and we will have a quick lunch." He gave me a peck on the lips and sent one last glare in Edward's direction before retreating to my office.

"Bella, we had a deal." I had almost forgotten Edward was still standing next to me, until he spoke up that is.

"Edward," I sighed for what felt like the thousandth time today, "we'll talk about this later."

I didn't wait for one of his smart comments, or an argument. I walked into my office, closed the door, and made my way to the man I loved.

He grabbed both of my hands in his own. He leaned in and kissed me, leaving a trail of pecks along my entire face. I melted like putty in the sun against his adoring touch.

"Bad day?" He questioned in a honey sweet voice.

"It doesn't matter now, as long as you're here, just you and me." I smile and lean in towards the hand that was now cupping my cheek. "Why do you ask?"

"Well…Bella, we need to talk."


	10. The Heat of Anger The Cold of Rejection

**Chapter 10**

**The Heat of Anger The Cold of Rejection**

Everyone has heard those lines once in their life, whether in a movie theater or from their own experiences. There are the good ones that can almost be funny like the: "it's not you it's me", or "we're just meant to be friends", or my favorite: "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." Then, there are the ones that get so far under your skin that you seriously consider taking more than a backscratcher to that unseen itch. These would include but are not limited to: "You're going to make someone really happy someday", "You deserve better" and the coup de grâce, "I'm too fucked up for you".

"Well…Bella, we need to talk."

I was speechless.

Two. That's how many relationships I've ever been in. Although I had heard of the dreaded 'we need to talk' line, I had never actually heard it myself. So imagine the shock when my fiancé of eight months spoke those very words.

"Oh god, please tell me you're not breaking up with me." The pregnant pause that followed was too much for my nerves. I started to babble. "Because the caterer has already been paid for, and I was really looking forward to the smoked salmon. Oh!" I nearly cried, "my dress, I just had my last fitting last week and I just can't… I can't…" I covered my mouth before the sob could escape.

A thousand thoughts ran through my head. _How I was going to break the news to my mother? Who was going to pick up my broken life when he was gone? How I was going to pay for my enormous medical bills?_ Not to mention the therapy I was going to need after this.

Before I could voice anymore of my worries, Mike had pulled me into his arms. His lips crushed against mine with a raw need that I hadn't felt in a long time.

My body tingled all over as he pulled away after some uncounted moments. His lips brushed against the shell of my ear and a welcomed shiver ran down my spine.

"I would have never known the different between an idiom and a euphemism." I could feel his smile against the side of my face as he kissed my ear.

Moving slowly, he planted his soft lips against my right cheek, "I would have never known what a rhubarb in baseball is, let alone how many innings there were."

I snickered at the memory of the first baseball game my dad taken Mike to. He had spilled a plate of hot nachos down my Mariners jersey and dad ended up smacking him in the face twice while flipping off the referee. It was in that moment that I knew that the man I was going to marry was standing right in front of me.

Mike placed his lips on my left cheek and continued on, whispering something to me after each kiss.

"I would have never EVER eaten sushi." A kiss on my left cheek.

"I would have never noticed that I look like a pedophile when I grow a mustache." He laughed and kissed the left corner of my mouth.

"I would have figured out that Mr. Suparman's real last name was not Superman, but it would have taken another failed semester my senior year." At this we both smiled, remembering his humanities teacher who had hated him. Who wouldn't be? He called had him Mr. Superman for six months.

His lips finally hovered over mine, just centimeters away from pressing them to my own. I could feel the pull between us that made me want to lean forward and take what was mine. _Mine._

"Isabella, if I had never met you, I would have never thought that I was good enough for anyone to ever love. But in some crazy surge of luck and love, God has let me keep you and I will never be more thankful for that." His last words came out as mere whispers before he pulled me to him and molded our lips together in a kiss that took all the breath from my body.

All too soon, our passionate embrace was broken.

"So what do we need to talk about if you're not breaking off the wedding?" I giggled at the words that now sounded so absurd coming from my mouth.

I watched Mike's expression turn slowly from one of light heartedness and love to one of worry and concern.

"Bella, I have something to ask you and I'm not sure how you're going to react." His eyes could not meet my own and just like that my stomach was back in my throat.

"What?" My whisper came out sounding painful.

"Bella," He paused to take a deep breath, "do you know why Edward's really here?"

Silence enveloped us.

"What?" I finally managed to get out.

Why was Edward here? _What kind of question was that? Did he know about this morning? Had Rose called him? _All these questions and more ran through my head as I waited for him to clarify.

"It's just, maybe, is he here because you want him here?" His eyes finally met mine. They were burning with some emotion I couldn't put my finger on. "Is this your way of subconsciously trying to ruin our wedding?"

"What!" I gasped, standing up from the couch, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Bella, did you invite him here?"

Tears stung my eyes, my stomach felt like it was going to rip its way out of my throat, and my heart sputtered in a broken mess inside my chest. I clamped my hand over my heart and closed my eyes. I hoped desperately this was not happening.

"Oh God," Mike muttered as he stood up. His eyes glazed over with his own tears threatening to slip. "Bella, baby, I didn't mean it. I-I just…he's everywhere suddenly, and I didn't know what to think. Then you tell me this story about how he hurt you," His hands were pulling at his perfect hair, making it stand up in a disorganized array. "Baby, when I think about how he hurt you…" He trailed took a step towards me, his hand outstretched. I jerked my body back a violent step, my brain screaming to run, that this would all just end up the same as it had before. But my heart sobbed to be held by the man it had loved for so long, the man I was supposed to marry in four days.

Four days.

Could I really marry a man who knew my past so willingly? He knew how damaged I was, and deep down no one really wanted all that baggage. I was going to end up alone and miserable. I couldn't even become a cat lady because of my allergies.

As I stood there frozen in time and space, I felt my frigid body turn hot. My fingertips tingled as they suddenly came back to life with vigor, balling up into tight fists. Mike stepped forward cautiously, but it made no difference to me. The heat was spreading and there was no stopping it.

"No!" I yelled, almost startling myself with the harsh sound. "How could you ever even question me like that, about _him?_!" I gritted my teeth together, trying to keep any strangled noises from escaping me.

"Bell-"

"No! I don't care how all of this makes _you_ feel! Have you stopped even _once_ and asked me how I fucking felt about him being here? You have no idea what the hell I'm going through! You're just worried about your cookie cutter life getting ruined by some fucked up girl from hick town USA who has a pretty face!" I screamed bluntly into his face.

With each sentence, each word, I saw the love and concern leave his same maddening anger took its place. His body was as rigid as mine was. Fists balled, his eyes guarded and crazy with fire."I don't know who you think you're talking to sweetheart, but I think you know me well enough to know that I've never had a cookie cutter life! If anyone in this relationship had any semblance of a _normal_ life, it was you! You were never pressured, nothing was ever expected from you!"

I stepped forward and shoved him violently."How dare you try to make this about you, so typical Mike!" I could see red and from the look on his surprised face, my shove had just about put him over the edge.

We were about to rip each other apart. I could see it in his eyes. No matter how this ended, it was not going to be good.

"Oh baby do you have it backwards." He let out a humorless chuckle, taking a dangerous step towards me. My nails were digging deep into my palms. "I'm the one who has to baby sit you and your destructive behavior. How hard is it to fucking take medication? You're twenty-five fucking years old, it's time to move on and deal with it Isabella!

"Something terrible happened to you, so what?! There are millions upon millions of people out there, who have it ten times worse than poor little you!"

He took another step in my direction. A menacing sneer over took his usually soft and gentle face."News flash Isabella Swan, the world does not revolve around _you_ and you're stupid fucking problems!"

His shouts echoed in my now completely quiet office. The silence could have moved mountains and parted the seas.

Mikes face was as flushed and blotchy as I imagined mine was. Our loud intake and exhale of breaths mingled with the heavy tension that stuck in the air around us.

In that moment I had not realized how our argument had such a physical effect on my body as well. My hands were clutched at my sides; my nails continued their painful dig into my nearly bleeding palms. I could barely feel the pain though. I had also neglected to notice the convulsions that had taken over my entire form.

Somehow, I pushed both reactions aside. This conversation was not over by a long shot.

My shaky voice broke the nearly unbearable silence like a car crash at a funeral. "Don't forget who it was who brought this whole thing into the open Michael." I nearly hissed, taking on a quiet but deadly tone I had learned from my father.

He stood there, still just a step away from me, his suit was now looking wrinkled and restraining against his pulsing body.

"Well answer the question and I'll be more than happy to exit your graces." His voice was as calm and dead as my own.

"Ask it again Michael." I whispered through clenched teeth.

This was no longer a simple pre-wedding spat. This was an accusation that was ultimately leading to something disastrous, and we were both too far in to find a way to fix what we were ripping apart.

I saw the defiance in his eyes, and I knew for sure he saw the challenge in mine. This was a battle and all is fair in love and war. This just happened to be a clash between the two.

"Do you want him here?" It came out through clenched teeth, his body starting its own shaking as he spoke. It wasn't the question he had originally asked me.

"_Bella, do you know why Edward's really here?"_

That's what he had asked not more than five minutes ago before all the hurtful words and fiery stances. But this question, do I want Edward here, it was like acid being poured down my throat. My tongue even felt like it was burning, leaving a dry and bad taste in my mouth.

My hands finally released their grip, my nails leaving angry red marks deep in my flesh. My eyes searched my fiancé's as his searched mine.

Did I want Edward, the source of every problem I ever faced, back into my life? Hadn't I already done that by letting him stay with me and comfort me when my nightmares of _him_ came crashing down?

Mike was the one who should have wrapped me in his tight embrace and called me back from my haunted past. Wasn't that what he had done since the very moment he met me? Saving me from myself? Those crystal blue eyes were my saving grace. So that brought me back to the inevitable.

_Did I want Edward here?_

My body shuddered at even the thought of answering the question. So I did what Bella Swan always did, I ran from the problem. In this case no actually running was needed, because my silence was more than enough for Mike to take a hint at what my answer would be. Nonexistent.

His own body fell when my face did. I couldn't look into that intense, soul-searching stare any longer. I was already fighting back the river of tears that was about to fall from my water brimming eyes. I no longer felt the heat of anger, only the cold of rejection.

"Okay Bella, have a nice life. Mail me the bill for the wedding; I'll take care of it."

With that, he was out of my office faster than my head could snap to attention, and my world was shattering all over again.

I sat there, just staring at the door for God only knows how long, wishing I would wake up from this horrible nightmare. But no matter how hard I kept pinching my arm, I couldn't wake up.

That had all just really happened. The love of my life had come in to surprise me with lunch, which was still sitting untouched and cold on my coffee table, and now I had two ex fiancés who left me with a heart so tattered it was hanging on by strings.

Edward was still a bad past, but Mike was my future. He was supposed to be the one to help me write new, better memories.

"My god!" I gasped covering my mouth, tears had streamed down my face since I watched Mike leave the room. "What have I done?!" I nearly screamed in horror at the realization that I'd just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me over one of the worst.

_I'm such a fucking idiot!_

I screamed it in my head repeatedly until I broke down in flood of overflowing tears, slamming my fist a little too hard against the desk. The throb in my hands felt good, and I wanted to do it again.

Not long after, a soft knock came from the door of my office, but I had no will to speak, to pick myself up again and try to brush this aside. This was it, I was done, nothing was ever going to be the same. I wanted for nothing else in the world now but for Doc Brown to show up with his time machine DeLorean and go back to stop myself from not answering that god damn question.

I couldn't even thinking about that I was still in my office, and most likely nearly a hundred people had just overheard the fiery destruction of my engagement. I couldn't even find it in myself to be embarrassed that Charlotte at this very moment was probably waiting outside my door with real concerns, like the fact that we had a paper deadline.

I kept coming back to his eyes, the way he searched for the lost girl inside me who he had met five years ago. And now I'd most likely never get to see them again. I loved the way they lit up with excitement when he laughed, watered when he yawned, and when they became so intense with love that he had to take me against the nearest surface. I wanted to wake up to those eyes every day till I died, and have little babies with the same eyes.

I felt sick.

My body bent in half and I spent the next ten minutes dry heaving into the small trashcan underneath my desk. When I had finished, I wiped my mouth against the skin of my arm that was still red from my pinching.

_What now? _I asked myself, looking around for something to anchor me to the world.

I stared at the things on my desk, until my eyes landed on a pink CD case sitting on the corner. I leaned forward and smashed it against my chest with a sob that sounded like I had been shot.

It was our pre-wedding mix, an arrangement of dozens of our favorite songs that Alice had presented to us at our engagement more then six months ago. We each had a copy, taking them everywhere with us. I listened to it when I went to work and when I came home. He had it on while we made dinner together, and even when we slept at night.

These thought sent me into another set of my stomach trying to expel its contents.

"Alice!" I gasped in sudden realization.

I grabbed my work phone and dialed her number from memory. She would know what to do, Alice was always three steps ahead of everyone, and she would fix what I had broken.

I clung to the phone as it rang once, twice, a third time before she finally picked up, answering in a winded voice, I wondered if she had just ran get the phone.

"Hello!" She greeted in a perky voice that made me burst into a mess of tears. I used to be that happy.

"Bella? What's wrong? Oh my god, why are you crying so hard?" Her voice turned desperate for me to answer, but when I tried to calm down I only began to hyperventilate.

"Okay hun, you really need to take two breaths and give yourself a good slap in the face."

I did as she said and it helped enough for her to understand my half-sobbing voice.

"M-Me and M-Mike, had a f-f-fight." I managed, using a tissue to blow my dripping nose.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry, was it bad?"

I wanted to scream at her. Of course it was bad, when was the last time you heard me blubbering like a baby without its mother's milk?

Taking another breath, I forced out my next words carefully. "W-We b-b-broke up, and the w-weddings o-o-off." I could barely get the sentence out without throwing up again.

There was silence on the other line, and I continued to blow my nose as the tears were still falling.

Suddenly her voice came through the line, "I'm on my way, don't hang up."

I didn't get the chance to answer her, because my office door had been thrown open, creating a loud slamming sound effect against my wall.

I looked up through teary eyes, half expecting Alice to have used her magic power I was convinced she had, and teleported to my office, but I was met with the pair of blue eyes I had cried about.

"M-Mike," I stood from my chair and walked around my desk.

Without meaning to, we both took off for one another's arms, looking like some crazy, cheesy, romantic comedy.

I slammed into his hard chest and a new set of tears overpowered the old. He pulled me off the ground, wrapping his warm arms around my waist, shoving his face against my shoulder. My name was a mantra on his lips. I made strangled animal noises that must have filtered out of the open door and into the office; because I could hear a crowd start to form.

I didn't care, nothing mattered but his arms at that moment. I took a deep breath of Armani and leather, pulled his hair into my hands and whispered one thing into his ear until I could barely registered was I was saying anymore.

"No, it's only you, only you."

* * *

**Authors Note:**

Long time no see, I know. I have excuses, but I won't bore you. Hope everyone has a good school year.

**Comment: Edward or Mike?**

**I'm looking for a Beta, please leave an email or your username through PM**

**~FP**


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